Will Zone Does Not Exist (1944 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Miscellaneous
Rating: 1.72 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jimbo (View user info) at 2004-07-01 12:54:01 EDT
I went down to the GM building, because "Will Zone" wrote in my last post that he worked at the "front desk" and to "come on by". So I did. I had a break of about 30 minutes so I figured I'd hike five minutes North and meet the man and legend.
Funny, I had no idea that "Will Zone" was a 40-something Black woman. Because that's who greeted me at the reception area.
Woman: May I help you?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I'm looking for Will. Works here at the front desk?"
Woman: "Last name?"
Me: "Uh...I don't know...Zone?"
The woman visibly stiffened and her hand moved almost imperceptibly under her desk.
Woman: "I'm sorry, Will's working on the 26th floor right now. Can I take a message for you?"
Me: "Um...I'm from Indiana and-"
Woman: "Of course you are."
Me: "Is there any way you could get a hold of him for me?"
Woman: "Your name?"
Me: "Uh...Jimbo?"
Woman: "One moment...I'm sorry, his line is busy."
I started to get suspicious.
Me: "Of course it is. Thank you for your help."
I swung to the right and made as if to go to the elevators, to go to this alleged "26th floor". A security guard blocked my path.
Guard: "Pass?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Guard: "Do you have your ID?"
Me: "Uh...I have a driver's license?"
Guard: "Sir, you need either a building ID or visitor's pass. Do you have a building ID or visitor's pass?"
Me: "Uh...No."
Guard: "I'm sorry, sir."
Me: "Of course you are."
I went back to the front desk to the "receptionist".
Me: "Can you try to call Will again for me?"
Woman: "Last name?"
Me: "Lady, I was just here two seconds ago. I don't know his last name. He's working on the 26th floor, remember?"
She stiffened again and moved her hand again.
Woman: "One moment."
She picked up the phone and handed it to me. She didn't speak into it as far as I could tell. She just handed it to me.
Me: "Hello? Will?"
The mechanized voice on the other end of the line was quite eerie.
'WZ': "Yes?"
Me: "Hi it's Jimbo."
'WZ': "Processing input."
Me: "Pardon?"
In a flash, the tone of voice changed from Mr. Roboto to Cheery Humanoid.
'WZ': "Hey, Jimbo, what's happening, man?"
Me: "Not much, I'm down in the lobby. I thought you worked the front desk."
'WZ': "I do, usually, but I work up here at the Taxi Desk a couple times a week."
Me: "Of course you do. Are you free anytime today? I can come back later."
*long pause*
'WZ': "Sure, I take my lunch from 1 to 2, then I'll be back at the front desk. I leave at four."
Me: "Okay, I'll try to stop by between 2 and 4, okay?"
*long pause*
'WZ': "Affirmative."
*click*
Okay, Mr. "Will Zone" if that's your real name. I assume one hour notice is enough time for your "associates" to assemble and program Stepford Will. I'll see you then, Mister. And I'll be watching you.
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-07-20 17:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-06 13:05:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have the very real opportunity to meet shitfuck, and vice versa, if we both shall choose so.
Is it wrong that this frightens me?
------------------
haha
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-07-12 16:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-06 13:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have the very real opportunity to meet shitfuck, and vice versa, if we both shall choose so.
Is it wrong that this frightens me?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-07-06 12:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you've been zoned
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-07-06 12:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:12:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Next you'll be telling us that the Porno Fairy doesn't exist.
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BLASPHEMY!!!
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-07-06 12:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously though, it was really cool to meet you. It's been a dream of mine for quite some time.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-07-06 12:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I remain skeptical. I walked right up to the front desk and looked directly at him. I wanted to test his pattern-recognition algorithm. It seemed robust enough. It only took a second or two for him to recognize me.
I shook his hand. His pseudo-skin covering was quite realistic and life-like, I thought. Almost human, I'd say.
The inflections in his voice and facial expression were similarly convincing, but the jig was up when I smashed a 2x4 over his head while his back was turned. No response. Hmmm...You might want to work on that little glitch, "Will Zone".
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I'm looking forward to meeting a bunch of you at UBercon Boston.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-01 14:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
smurfs, it is a little strange. but i've met a few other uber folk. bart 3 times, twice in chicago and once here in NYC. Ryan Donvan in chicago. Loren1, nicole 3 and JMG 114 in NYC. and now Jimbo.
smurfs, yet you and i live in the same neighborhood and we will never meet. I believe the very fabric of time would crumble.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-01 14:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Business? Pharmaceutical business? Indiana? BMS?
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-07-01 14:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This would have freaked me out
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-01 14:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just met Jimbo. He waltzed up to my desk with a half-smile.
"Hi, can I help you?" I say not thinking he's a client.
"..."
"Um...Jimbo?"
"...Hi..." he says and conversation follows.
He's a nice guy. 34 years old, wife and kid in town with him from Indiana. He's here on business...pharmaceutical business. He's going to meet the wifey now. I'm glad I was on his itineary (sic).
he got here just in time...my batteries were running out and i need an oilchange.
Rowr.I'mArobot.Beep.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sadly, I do exist. I'm not a large black woman. I'm a husky young white boy, and I'm at my desk right now. I have no idea what jimbo looks like, but I await his coming. Like jesus n shit.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Noooooooooooooooo I'm crushed!!! <sob>
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I sort of knew it all along.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next you'll be telling us that the Porno Fairy doesn't exist.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Try and knock him out, then take him apart. Post pictures!
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kinda funny.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot to say the code word..."acid"
Gets you buzzed right up every time.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There must be a Will Zone. There must be.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-07-01 13:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading input. Source: post.
Analyzing input.
Results: positive. Response: read from file goodpost.in.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-07-01 12:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I KNEW IT!
DOMO ARIGATO MR. ROBOTO!