SPT dumb jokes and a little camwhoring (1070 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.29 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hi_Me (View user info) at 2004-07-01 15:21:36 EDT
ok here are a few jokes and a picture of me about an hor before i puked from drinking too
many jello shots . the jokes are from johnnysjokes.com, and funny.com
bring on the -2'sPassword
The Top 10 Reasons Why It Sucks To Be A Dick
10. You've got a hole in your head.
9. Your master strangles you all the time.
8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
7. You shrink in cold water.
6. You never get a haircut.
5. You always hang around with 2 nuts.
4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
3. Your best friend is a pussy.
2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.
And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick:
1. Everytime you get excited, you throw up.
bar bets
A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only patron in the bar when he walked in. He talks to him for about 5 minutes then moves to the other end of the bar. The bar owner walks up to him and asks if he would like a drink. He orders a beer and says, "Man! That guy down there sure does complain alot. He thinks he's got it rough, but his life is easy!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, mister! I've seen you in here before. You're in here any day of the week at any time. Just what do you do for a living?" The guy replies, "I make bets for a living. I'll show you. I'll bet you $5 I can bite my right eye!" The bartender looks at him and says, "OK, you're on." The guy takes his glass eye out and clenches it between his teeth. The bartender says, "I didn't know you had a glass eye. You win." The guy then says, "I'll let you win your money back. I'll bet you $5 I can bite my left eye." The bartender thinks for a moment and replies, "I know you're not blind so you can't have 2 glass eyes. OK, your on!" The guy then proceeds to take his false teeth out of his mouth and clamps them over his left eye. With this, the bartender says, "Hey buddy, you won again. As you can see,I don't do a lot of business in here. I can't afford to make any more bets with you." The guy replies, "I'll tell you what. I'll give you a guaranteed way to win your money back. I'll bet you $10 that I can walk 6 feet away and pee in this bottle, which I'll leave here on the bar. I won't miss a drop. I won't even hit the rim, it will go right in the bottle." After a few minutes of thought, the bartender says, "There's no way! You're on!" The guy walks 6 feet from the bar, drops his pants and pees all over everything. He pees on the bar, the stools and the floor. He doesn't even come close to hitting the bottle, let alone getting it in the bottle. With this, the bartender starts laughing and exclaims, "Ahah! I knew you couldn't do it. I won my back my $10!!!" Just then, the guy at the other end of the bar passes out. The bartender looks down at him and says, "What happened to him?" The guy replies, "Oh, he'll be alright. I just bet him $1000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you'd laugh about it."
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu."
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The redneck won hands down!
User Reviews
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-09 10:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thabk you munkey. i love you
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-08 12:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
method - shame on you <wagging finger> there is no need to rank on a woman
for everyone else - Until you camwhore and show us that you are mr or ms perfect
then you can all shut the fuck up.
you've all made munkey very angry. Very very angry. All of you! For shame!
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well how fast can you fill a pool with chocolate pudding?
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When are we going to get naked and wrestle?
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol that's nice
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:48:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
gee snuggles i don't know if you can handle it.
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Are you fucking kidding me. I would ride you through a wall bitch.
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
apparently you don't understand spt let me explain for you. (slowly)
Shit
Post
Thursday
it's supposed to suck!
sillies
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-07-01 20:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-01 18:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What's that stain on your dress?
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-07-01 17:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Disparity.
Your lucky you posted that pic or you would have been killed for this post.
Please post original ideas... we really don't want to read old recycled jokes.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-07-01 17:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unoriginal jokes = -2
Pretty eyes = 2
so you get a zero
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
gee snuggles i don't know if you can handle it.
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So when we going to fuck?
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a vampire? i'm a little squeamish i don't like blood.
and i have a 4 year old i don't give her nightmares.
then again she is the spawn of satan.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And again, I say:
Beer can whore:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/37253
Submitted by mad_monkey_mojo (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I still think you look good. Let's fornicate.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually hadn't seen those jokes before.
You look like the sort of person that would give a kid nightmares. Though I think the demonic vampire look is 'in' right now.
Submitted by ferrisbeuller (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you have sexy eyes
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We're all ugly in our own special way.
You just take the cake.
Camwhore, and expect assholes like me to say nasty things.
Remember, breathe in and out, its only the internet.
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:06:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:52:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
For chrissakes, she looks like a venus fly trap - you people need to get out more.
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wow you are just great for my self esteem.
i know i'm not great looking but i think that was just plain not nice
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would give her all three inches of my man meat.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For chrissakes, she looks like a venus fly trap - you people need to get out more.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Cindys_Younger_Sister (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
she's definitely better looking than monica, but i see a resemblance.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you go down on the first date?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
When can we not fuck?
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When can we fuck?
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone who posts shit but invokes SPT gets an automatic +2 from me. So here you go!
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
do i really look like monica lewinsky?
i will shoot myself now.
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok ok there is one difference between me and monica
i always wash my dresses ok!
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOUL!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ya for cam whoring!!!!
Big kisses!!!
Submitted by mad_monkey_mojo (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit, you're hot. I'd like to orally stimulate you.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
apparently i am not the only one that sees the resemblance
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
monica lewinsky
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't want to give away your real identity so maybe I should call you M. Lewinsky. No, no, that's too obvious. How about Monica L.?
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
heard the jokes before but still made me smile