How to throw a "Screw your Buddy" Party (1707 hits)
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Submitted by Naery (View user info) at 2004-07-01 15:38:26 EDT
I just got done reading Shark25's post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/37256 and it occurred to me that not everyone knows what a "Screw your Buddy" party is (a.k.a. "Screw your Neighbor"). I went to a very Catholic University, where the girls were more conservative than Calvin Coolidge and just as hard to have sex with. In these very trying circumstances, the guys had to band together and work as a team rather than as competing individuals. It's really a very Socialist view of Sex. And this is how it works:
A small group of men, usually 12-16, decide to throw one of these parties. Here is a list of the necessary materials: 1 large roll of (pink, or red) double tickets, the kind that are usually used for raffles and have two matching tickets; 1 small roll of (blue, or green) double tickets; a large bucket for donations; 3 kegs of beer, each keg to hold a different type of beer, one light, one red, one dark; a huge house/mansion; soft porn movies. Here is the process for the distribution of tickets: Every guy in the original group is given 150 pink tickets, doubled, to distribute as he sees fit to GIRLS, only girls get the pink tickets. He is also given 7 blue tickets, doubled, to distribute as he sees fit. Now here's the caveat. Each ticket is given whole, but is broken into two tickets by the recipient. In other words, even though the guy gives a ticket (pair) to one girl, that represents an invitation to TWO girls, since the girl who rec'd it can give half of it to a friend. (That's why you get the doubled tickets.) This distribution process should go on for about two weeks.
And here is the most important part of the distribution process. The girls are not told what kind of party it is, they are just told that without a pink ticket, they are not allowed admittance. The guys on the other hand, are informed as to the purpose and the method of the party. Now here is why there are so few guy tickets given. Each on guy is given one pair of tickets. The matching half of his ticket represents his buddy. And it is the goal of each guy to get a girl to have sex with his buddy. It is a beautiful thing to behold when two men cooperate to get one of them laid. When one guy succeeds, and gets his buddy laid, he is then free to work on himself, confident in the fact that his buddy now owes him one week of manual labor, or a case of beer, or something else suitable as incentive to help. Thus are tickets distributed.
Now we move on to how the house is arrayed. **If you have ever hosted an orgy, you can skip this part** Throughout the house, on every TV there is soft porn playing, without sound, since there is a loud stereo playing energetic music. Having the soft porn serves three functions: 1) weeding out those who are not "into" sex; 2) setting the mood for those who are, and creating a background hum of sexual tension; 3) keeping the guys on track to help out their buddies. The lights are low, the music is loud, the TVs are muted. Every bedroom should be clean, with the bed made, and extra towels/sheets/condoms available and easy to find. Excess furniture in all the rooms should be moved away from the center of the floor, providing a large empty area in every room for dancing, or whatever.
Now for enforcement: At the door, a bouncer of sorts should be there to take tickets and check ID's. The people attending should be at least 18 years of age. No minors, or else that's statutory rape, and otherwise just dirty. The bouncer is also taking tickets to make sure the ratios stay favorable. There should never be less than 4 girls to 1 guy, and it is the bouncer's job to see it stays that way.
Also under the "enforcement" heading, but important enough to warrant it's own paragraph, is the ABSOLUTE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS WHOLE ADVENTURE: the Saferoom. Usually the kitchen, this is the room where someone goes if they feel threatened. The lights are always bright and the music is usually different in the kitchen, something cool and soothing. There is always water available and glasses with which to drink it. This is very important. This room prevents rape. This room prevents crime. This room is what allows everything else to happen smoothly. There should be at least one person onhand at all times to take care of whatever problem has brought someone to the Saferoom (dial 911, kick some ass, whatever).
When you have all those things, and everyone is there, just sit back and watch your handiwork unfold as your friends try to get you laid.
Marx would be proud.
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-02-22 14:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-07-01 17:41:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
Should I ever want to throw an orgy, You are free to plan... sounds like way too much work
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-07-09 17:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always learn new things on this site.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-07-01 20:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-07-01 17:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Should I ever want to throw an orgy, You are free to plan... sounds like way too much work
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-07-01 17:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How complicated! Nothing beats good ol' rohypnol.
That was a joke.
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2004-07-01 17:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**If you have ever hosted an orgy, you can skip this part**
Hilarious line.
Not a bad college party idea either. Well thought out too.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"A small group of men, usually 12-16"
it took me a while to figure out that this meant 12 to 16 guys, not 12 to 16 year olds.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-07-01 16:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
interestin'.... wish i was in college or some type of situation where this would be useful...
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-01 15:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Intresting I had never heard of this.
And hey if you are going to reference my post at least rate it.
But hey thanks gor the free link whoreing.