How To Not Get A Date With A Bank Teller (1961 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.5 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kyle scribner <kyle.at.feakerspeedback.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-01 22:13:10 EDT
There happened to be 2 people in line ahead of the man when he arrived with a check in his hand. He got into one of the account holder's lines even though it was longer and he didn't have an account. He had a bit of time. He wanted to see her and only her. She was the one. Her name was Evy. She was busy licking her fingers, counting money, making little piles of $1 and $5 bills. She flicked her bottle-red hair out of her face and surveyed the lobby, barely taking notice of the man in sunglasses, focusing instead on a middle-aged Hispanic woman who was dealing with her 2 kids in the next line over. It had been a long morning and the midrange squeal of children was not helping her hangover. She dropped a deposit slip into the printer and again noted the children as the printer buzzed out a transaction number, amount and 4653-xxx-xxxx. He was facing a few degrees to the side of her, but he watched intently, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses.
"Thank you. Have a nice afternoon."
Her polite demeanor, second nature after 8 months as a teller, was being tested this morning. A forced smile crossed her lips.
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, I need to cash this."
She got busy. The man thumbed the cell phone in his pocket and eyed the check in his other hand, glancing casually around the room. She was a little busier than he had hoped she would be on their first meeting, however he had made up his mind. Nobody had gotten in line behind him. Today was the day. He scratched his beard and rearranged his baseball cap. His movements caught Evy's eye and she looked at him, smiling one of the prettiest fake smiles he had ever seen, then letting her attention return to the $255 she had just counted.
"Thank you. Have a nice day."
It was his turn. Nobody noticed the deep breath he took as he walked up to the counter. He was going to be so smooth.
"What can I do for you today?" Her smile was not genuine, and he suddenly felt a little better. A little less nervous.
He put his check face down on the counter and pressed the talk button in his pocket. She noticed something written on the back of the check and furrowed her eyebrows, reading the brief message printed in caps in red felt-tip. KEEP YOUR HANDS ABOVE THE COUNTER AND PICK UP THE PHONE WITH YOUR LEFT HAND. LEFT was underlined. She looked up toward the man, not immediately understanding. He stood in front of her, holding a cell phone in the center of the counter. She glanced around. Nobody was watching her. She looked up at the camera above her, but was drown back to his gaze by a slow shaking of his head. He pushed the phone closer. Unsure what to do, she took it and put it up to her ear, looking to George and Amy to her right. They were concentrating, not realizing what was transpiring 5 feet to their left.
Evy lifted her right hand above the counter-top and reached for the phone with her left, hoping someone would notice. Nobody did, her auburn hair hiding the phone from her coworkers.
"Hello?"
A man's voice came on the line. It had not a trace of an accent. "Evelyn Marshall. Say nothing."
A second later,
"Evy, honey, he has a gun. I don't know where I am. Do whatever they tell you or he'll kill me." She immediately recognized her mother's voice. The man watched the color drain from her face and knew the odds were going to stay in his favor.
Another second, and the man's voice returned.
"Evelyn, I want you to fill the bag. If you alert the police, your mother will die. I want as much cash as you can get in 45 seconds. If I find less than $15,000, she will die. If you place an ink pack, she will die. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
"Good. Don't hang up. I want you to put the phone on the counter."
She reached across the counter for the tan nylon bag which the man was now sliding to her, simultaneously setting down the phone. She only had $900 in her drawer. She turned around to the safe. He put the phone to his ear, but said nothing and stood motionless. He knew she wouldn't have the amount demanded in her drawer.
Looking to his left, he saw the inquisitive looks on the two other tellers' faces. Even if they pushed the button now, he would have at least 2 minutes. He breathed deeply to control his heart rate. He was anxious but steady. He knew that the safes were not normally locked during business hours. He watched as she bent down to the safe behind her. 10 seconds later she was at Amy's safe. The other two knew what was going on. They looked at the man. He gave them the same gentle shake of the head. They looked at Evy. She made eye contact with George, fear and panic smeared across her lovely face. Nobody moved except Evy. She made her way to George's safe. In 10 more seconds, the bag was in the man's hand and he looked carefully inside. Satisfied that there was nothing but cash in it, he pulled the string to close it, put the phone and check in his pocket and walked calmly but deliberately to the door pushing one and then another open with his shoulder.
The man walked around the corner to an 18 speed mountain bike left behind a dumpster. 60 seconds and 4 blocks later, he rode up to a silver fleet van. He opened the back doors, tossed in the bike and followed the bike inside, pulling the double doors shut behind him.
"Go."
The van pulled out of the parking lot and drove east toward Austin, sirens wailing in the distance. The man took off his hat and tossed the glasses onto the floor. He opened the bag and surveyed the contents. $17,000. Less than last time, but not bad for 10 days work.
"You think we can do 3 more of these before May?"
"Yeah."
The man settled into the blanket on the floor of the van, and started changing clothes shoving his old ones into a garbage bag. They were almost done for the year. It wasn't even March yet. Costa Rica was going to be lucrative this summer.
User Reviews
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-03-10 17:29:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this would have been a two, as it was well-written, but for the fact this is pretty much the same way bruce willis and billy-bob freakshow robbed banks in Bandits. still pretty good.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-03-10 17:16:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-02 09:47:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
So what was with the mother?
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My thought exactly.
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No problem with that, pretty damn good.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-03 18:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really enjoyed it. Nice first post.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-07-02 17:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-07-02 17:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this. I hope you rework the ending and post it again. Very good writing!
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-02 09:47:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So what was with the mother?
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/37304#627540
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2004-07-02 04:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't seem too polished, but some skill there. Liked it until the ending.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-07-02 04:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick ass, indeed.
Submitted by gle_ek (user info) at 2004-07-01 23:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you are all right about the ending...it hadn't occured to me, but it is a pretty glaring weak spot. Thanks for the input.
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Submitted by confusedfemale (user info) at 2004-07-01 22:52:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
There seemed no point to the story, and the title is very misleading. I expected it to be very humuorous and was waiting to laugh. But there was no resolve.
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The title is pretty misleading. But truthfully, I really thought about putting it in Romance. My restraint turns out to be the right thing to have done. As far as having a point though, my intent was never to have a message, or anything. I just thought it was a pretty nifty way to rob a bank. If you are into that kind of thing.
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-07-01 22:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by confusedfemale (user info) at 2004-07-01 22:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There seemed no point to the story, and the title is very misleading. I expected it to be very humuorous and was waiting to laugh. But there was no resolve.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-07-01 22:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-01 22:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent story.
Well thought out.
+2 for you.
Submitted by Cubical (user info) at 2004-07-01 22:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't particuarly like the ending. It didn't seem finished, but what can ya do.
Submitted by LucidCognition (user info) at 2004-07-01 22:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It worked because we were obviously expecting something else. But the ending lacked something, it didn't seem to resolve, or conlude or something. Bah, nothing major, great story.
Submitted by Rainer (user info) at 2004-07-01 22:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like.