A potato cannon, a hamster and a toilet paper tube = Hamster Shuttle (6979 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: Some of my best work
Rating: 1.32 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fat Tony (View user info) at 2004-07-02 00:10:34 EDT
Fluffy is a Russian hamster or a dwarf hamster depending on who you talk to. He's cute and fluffy
and active as hell. Even if he did show you his teeth you can't be afraid of him because he's so...
small and cute. Well, the lil rat bites like hell. This time he made blood. This time Fluffy is
going to see Jesus.
My wife took away my potato cannon a long time ago. Shoot a lil hairspray, hit the ignitor and BAM!
Launch a potato or other projectile at ungodly speed. I've went thru and thru a wooden fence with a
lime, I've done lots of damage with this puppy. Wife took it away. Until now.
I take Fluffy and put him in the long PVC chamber. Problem is he is way too small to make a tight
fit so he can't fly. Hmmmm. Need to wait until tomorrow. Need to think this thru.
I tossed and turned all night and I watched an episode of Myth Busters. They made a capsule for
their projectile and that's all I needed to see. I run to my garage with a toilet paper tube. Shit!
It's to big of a diameter! Duct Tape! Yay! I flod the tube in the middle and then duct tape it a
few times to make it fit the nice plastic tube of the potato cannon. Need lubrication? At the rate
of speed this thing is going, it will need to be wet (like a potato). Hmmm. Time to go to bed.
Castrol synthetic! But it wasn't smoooooth. It would bind and bite a lil bit. Can't have this thing
explode in my face, what will I tell the emergency room?
Owning a machine shop I have acess lots and lots of metal. So I take measurements of the ID pipe
and I machine a lil housing out of T6 Alimunum. I precision machined it to a nice slip fit then
polished the OD to a mirror finish. Now the lil bastard is as good as dead. I get home and I see
that there is a flaw in my engineering design. It's open on one end. I can always duct tape it
shut, but then it wouldn't look so cool. So we had to wait one more day.
Back at the shop, I machine some ID threads, and make a cap and I made a perfect capsule. Closed on
one end, threaded opening on the other, full polish and then I decide to get aerodynamic on Fluffy's
ass. I need one more day.
I start all over again. This time with a solid billet of aluminum. I machine it to a point so it
looks like a missle then bore out the ID and make a cap. Full polish to a mirror finish and my
Hamster Shuttle is done! On the way home I get the idea for some graphics. FLAMES! Muhahahahaaaa!
I stop at Pep Boys and buy some cheasy flame stickers. Put those on there, a mini USA flag one of
my shop stickers and we're done.
I see Fluffy on his lil wheel and I decide to give him some protection. I take some cotton bedding
and line the inside of my Hamster Shuttle and make it nice and comfy. I didn't think about oxygen
holes, but I didn't want to wait another day. Fluffy is going to see Jesus!
Hamster Shuttle is lined with cotton bedding. Mr. Fluffy is inserted into the capsule (if I thought
of it, I would have machined him a lil helmet). Potato cannon is cleaned and measurements are
checked. Everything is perfect. Fluffy is going to be the first hamster in space. I read him his
last rights and I prayed for his soul.
Insert Hamster shuttle into potato launcher.
Spray STP Carb Cleaner into rear of gun.
Quick prayer.
LAUNCH!!!!
I felt the reciol of the gun, but where is my Hamster Shuttle? Kids? Did you see the Shuttle?
No dad, just a flash and a lil smoke. Check the tube!
No shuttle in the tube, where's the shuttle?
Shuttle lands about 40 feet from us (I aimed it straight up) and man it was fast. I nearly pissed
myself and I run over to the Hamster Shuttle and the stickers are a lil worn off, nothing serious, I open up the threads and there to my amazement was Fluffy alive and well. I thought the G forces
of the launch would kill him. I thought the heat from the blast would roast him. I thought... he'd
be with Jesus. I was wrong. Fluffy was alive and well.
Turns out the full polished and lubricated Hamster Shuttle flew 5 times faster then your average
spud or lime. A perfectly machined and polished tube creates less friction, the slight weight
addition of the T6 aluminum and the cone I machined up top made everything fly perfectly.
We did it three more times (at the beach) and on his third mission, Mr. Fluffy finally seen Jesus.
We was going to burry him at the beach, but we thought he'd like to be eaten by a sea creature, so
we chucked his fluffy ass into the Pacific ocean. Rest in peace Fluffy. Rest in peace.
Mr. Fluffy flew a total of four Hamster Shuttle Missions, and died on his fourth. Just a reminder
Fluffmeister. Don't bite Jesus.
User Reviews
Submitted by 2x4fun (user info) at 2005-03-23 22:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GASP!!!
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-03-21 19:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe, fucking awesome.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-03-21 19:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You really should not have killed the hamster. But I find the idea of your wife taking one of your toys away amusing as hell.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-03-21 19:08:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But alas! Which chicken gun episode!
There are 3!
The first, where everything fails because the glass isn't rated right...
The second, where things for some reason still don't go right.
And the third, where the just do it for shits and giggles, like the buttered toast one.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-03-21 19:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did the hamster poop in the capsule?
I think there's some line in The Right Stuff about the monkey pooping in the capsule or something.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-03-21 18:56:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is sick Tony.
I have now forwarded this link to Peta!
Submitted by XII (user info) at 2005-03-21 18:50:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
guess who was watching the chicken gun episode on tv last night??
anyone who was watching SBS at 7:30 (me)
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-02-27 23:01:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-01-17 01:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this is just wrong man
Submitted by violencebecomesme (user info) at 2004-08-19 03:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha die little commie bastard, i dont see why you stopped when he died tho...
Submitted by Gish (user info) at 2004-07-20 20:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you think that the hampster knew what was gonna happen the second time?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-07-07 14:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Animal cruelty -2
funny animal cruelty +4
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-07-07 14:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by SundanceKid (user info) at 2004-07-02 00:37:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't..... stop.... laughing!
Most people thump annoying mice and hampsters on the head with a pencil or screwdriver, you build a space shuttle.
Brilliant.
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Too freakin' awesome.
Submitted by koreanboi2030 <koreanboi3.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-07 13:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WIY HAMPUSTER BITE JESS I TOUGH HE GO SE JESS! NO BITEY
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-07-02 15:38:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Usually when we launch limes, potatoes, wads of damp toilet paper, etc. and shoot it straight up in
the air (like mabey a 5 degree angle) we can see it and watch it for 90% of it's travel. I figured since this is highly polished aluminum and longer then your average spud we'd be able to track it
better. NOT!
Usually a potato/lime will go 200, mabey 250 years. This thing went double that, if not more.
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:56:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a HAMSTER! Not even an American hamster. It's a RUSSIAN COMMIE BASTARD HAMSTER!
He deserved to die
HAHAHA!
But Tony, one thing bothers me. You launched a pointed aluminum shell straight up in open air with your kids around? Is this an experiment in hamster launching or skull boring?
-Bus
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"This time Fluffy is going to see Jesus."
+2 for making me laugh
-1 for making me feel like heartless bitch
Animals are people too....or something...
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anybody who thinks paying back a fucking hamster for it nipping by shooting it thru the air is FUCKED UP.
______________________________________________________________________________________
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Welcome to Uber. Get over it, or go away.
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a HAMSTER! Not even an American hamster. It's a RUSSIAN COMMIE BASTARD HAMSTER!
He deserved to die.
Man, it would take pure evil, but this can be done with cats! Can you imagine a Pussy Launcher?
Pussies in Space? The Pussy Shuttle would have to be at least 5" diameter with a 1/4 wall thickness
makin for a 5.5" OD shuttle mmmm about 12 to 14" long. One malfunction with that monster and you
die.
Unless...... you do it with compressed air! All you need is a 2 gallon comoressor tank and get it
to 200/150 PSI. I'm getting ahead of my self, let's perfect the Hamster Shuttle then we'll work our
our way to launching Pussies.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
acrylic will shatter. lexan or generic polycarbonate will work just fine.
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:42:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
Anybody who thinks paying back a fucking hamster for it nipping by shooting it thru the air is FUCKED UP. You are fucking pathetic. A hamster weighs what less than 5 ounces. Could it be that he felt threatened you piece of shit. How you have a woman in your life that accepted this behavior baffles me. Cruelty to animals or people is bullshit. I hope that fucking hamster comes back in its second life and shuttles your fucking fat ass into the beach and it takes longer for you to die so you have time to suffer and then time to contemplate how you thought it was acceptable to torture a 5 ounce animal. Fucking asshole. How anyone can +2 this is shocking as I don't know anybody that has half a conscience would find shuttling a hamster funny. It's pathetic and I really hope this story was not true you piece of shit.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Someone forgot their midol today. ANywho, I thought this was a pretty damn spiffy project. I don't give a crap about animal rights when I actually PAY people to kill the animal in question. If we were talking about something thats the last of it's species, then I may think differently. Then again, if it's the last of it's kind, wouldn't it wanna go out in a blast?! Keep up the good work and keep the updates coming!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Give it a rest chigirl. This was pretty fucking funny.
Submitted by versus_god (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliant! i wish i had seen that
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope that was fiction...
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-02 09:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha. At least a couple of animal right nuts are showing up to -2 you.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-02 09:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't think about oxygen
holes, but I didn't want to wait another day. Fluffy is going to see Jesus!
HAHA!
Fluffy is going to be the first hamster in space!
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Shit!
This made me laugh.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahha!!!!
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCKING PATHETIC
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Anybody who thinks paying back a fucking hamster for it nipping by shooting it thru the air is FUCKED UP. You are fucking pathetic. A hamster weighs what less than 5 ounces. Could it be that he felt threatened you piece of shit. How you have a woman in your life that accepted this behavior baffles me. Cruelty to animals or people is bullshit. I hope that fucking hamster comes back in its second life and shuttles your fucking fat ass into the beach and it takes longer for you to die so you have time to suffer and then time to contemplate how you thought it was acceptable to torture a 5 ounce animal. Fucking asshole. How anyone can +2 this is shocking as I don't know anybody that has half a conscience would find shuttling a hamster funny. It's pathetic and I really hope this story was not true you piece of shit.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-07-02 04:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 because this was funny. (Well, 1.5 really, but we round em' up round' these here parts.)
-1 because my two hamsters are sitting at my side and they did not appreciate this.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-07-02 04:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"-2! Animal rights...blah blah blah."
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-07-02 04:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With the name of the post i almost expected somthing gay. But this rocked.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hairspray? It doesn't even work. You absolutely NEED a can of propane.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty damn funny. You get +2 just for posting a story about hamsters that did not involve someone's ass in any way, shape or form.
That picture was pretty good too.
Submitted by dolfin (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha sweet... I've always wanted to try something like that... or build a labyrinth like kids do for a science fair, but with little saw blades, spike pits, and mini flamethrowers in the walls
whee!
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-07-02 01:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We was going to burry him at sea in his Hamster Shuttle, but I needed it for measurements and I'm
going to do a few modifications to get some more distance. I plan on making a little movie when I
get the sizes perfected. I'm making a larger diameter cannon with a longer tube, it's going to be
precision honed to get a perfectly smooth finish. The actual Hamster Shuttle will need lots of mods
and I may have to machine it from titanium (machining titanium is a bitch, but it's way lighter) to
compensate for the size/weight of large feeder mice or rats. I may even machine a lil 2" square
window and put a sheet of lexan in there as a window, it should hold up. I found a new hobby.
Hamster Launching. Rodent Shuttles. Rodent Launching. Raaaaats... in... spaaaaaace...
I need to see how well PVC machines and hones. If I can't get a super smooth and polished finish on
the ID of the PVC barrel, I'm going to have to make it from aluminum. I can't have an aluminum
projectile and an aluminum barrel, it will cause friction problems. I need to find a satanic
plastic that will withstand heat and pressure. Clear acrylic or lexan would work, but after you
machine it, it's no longer clear, it's frosted.
I'd like to be able to connect a parachute to the shuttle. But from the amount of heat from the
blast, any material would melt, also I'd have no control over when it opens. I'll just slow me down
unless I can find a JPL geek who hates rodents. :)
Submitted by facts (user info) at 2004-07-02 01:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only thing that could have made this better is pictures.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-07-02 00:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sick but funny
Submitted by SundanceKid (user info) at 2004-07-02 00:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't..... stop.... laughing!
Most people thump annoying mice and hampsters on the head with a pencil or screwdriver, you build a space shuttle.
Brilliant.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-07-02 00:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd normally be like, "-2! Animal rights...blah blah blah." But Russian dwarf hamsters are nasty little devils! They are cute, though.
Submitted by gle_ek (user info) at 2004-07-02 00:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
novel idea. i busted open laughing when you totalled up his "missions."