Another Saturday Night.... er... Thursday Night... Oh Fuck It, I Still Ain't Got Nobody (13287 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: camwhore
Rating: 1.57 on 203 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bart Cilfone <uberuser.at.cilfone.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-02 02:45:19 EDT
Ladies,
If you've been thinking to yourself:
"Self, where can I find the man of my dreams? I know that Bart Cilfone is such a charming, witty, funny, and drop dead gorgeous guy, but he's way out of my league. I wish I could find someone who was even one tenth the hunk of rock and steel that he is."
Believe it or not, I'm still single.
Yes, if you play your cards right, Bart Cilfone could be sitting on your couch, watching your television, and stealing food out of your refrigerator THIS VERY NIGHT!
"Tell me a little bit about Bart Cilfone"
Mademoiselle, you are in Bart's and Bart is.... Well, Mademoiselle, he's the kind of a man that, well, if I were a woman, I should be in love with Bart.
"What do I need to do? How could I be the lucky woman to take home such a glorious prize?"
A wide variety of highly skilled techniques have been used by past winners. Such championship techniques include:
* Lure him in with pizza, ice cream, hallucinogens
* Phone him at 2am, leave sexually explicit messages, repeat
* Put him in burlap sack, push home on wheeled cart
* Say "hi" with that look that girls give
* Double dog dare him
* Tell him he has to finish this last glass of wine. No wait, THIS last glass of wine. No wait...
* Smell purty
"Why? Why do I deserve this wonderful opportunity?"
You don't. Frankly, no one does. Sometimes great things come to those who wait. You've waited long enough.
"What do I get?"
Don Pardo, show them what they've won! [see below]
Yes ladies, all this could be yours if the price is right. Who wants to start the bidding?
User Reviews
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-01 19:47:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hi
http://alpha2.bmc.uu.se/gerard/dombo/pics/ugly_001.jpg
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 18:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2006-08-09 00:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guarentee that Jaypig printed this out. Looks at it ever so coyley and just thinks "wow I wish I could hang out with Bart......}. ahahah he beats off to this.
I liked the pictures though. Funny.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-07-04 06:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'll rate this every year.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-07-04 06:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-07-04 04:08:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
damn you for being so gorgeous.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-04 06:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart with knife is still my favorite...
Especially since I have seen it recreated with a butter knife.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-07-04 04:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
damn you for being so gorgeous.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2006-06-04 19:59:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost forgot how sexy you are.
::ejaculates::
Submitted by Smack_Fuck (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:29:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's niagra falls? looks like an overflowing bathtub.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-09-26 08:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your going to die alone =)
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-23 08:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd tap it.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-18 05:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 the camwhores.
can't remember rating this.
Submitted by PeanutButterJellyTime (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That striped shirt, that side glance... all the money I am hiding in my stereo and a Domino's Pizza Coupon.
Submitted by peessittingdown (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've got a fresh, unborn first child that's just burning a hole in my pocket.
Submitted by peessittingdown (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is the bidding still open?
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-06-01 01:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scary this is the leader of Ubersite?
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-05-25 14:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a better use of some of these pics:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67088
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-16 08:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wondered where everybody got these from.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-05-13 12:45:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dorking......door king.....Dork King......
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-08 01:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You wear some funny shirts, bart.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2005-02-23 23:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2004-12-21 10:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a face for knife-wielding, and it became my desktop background for 1 week.
Feel proud...
Or creeped out.
Submitted by rock_music (user info) at 2004-12-03 21:23:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It goes rock then paper then scissors, dumbass.
Submitted by FearTheFedora07 (user info) at 2004-12-03 21:19:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm, anyone in posession of a photo of them holding a big knife has my undying love.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2004-11-30 00:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my gosh...
I finally realized who else you look like - my friend Nate.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2004-11-29 17:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If Ben Folds and Hugh Grant had a lovechild, it would look exactly like you.
I am hoping the equation still holds true: BIG hands = BIG peener
So how about the weather?
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2004-11-21 02:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-10-23 21:57:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought american chicks would hit anything?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What crack are you smoking?!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-11-20 16:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Will you marry me??
Submitted by Scarlett13 (user info) at 2004-11-05 05:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should get out more...
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-10-29 13:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it too late to bid?
You should come sit on my couch, bart.
And I even live in chicago.
woohoo!!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-28 10:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you have very nice hands
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-27 17:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll bid 2 dolla.
Submitted by BridgetJones (user info) at 2004-10-24 01:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd do you. FIVE TIMES. How old are you?
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-10-23 21:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought american chicks would hit anything?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-23 21:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-10-23 21:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
buahahahha paper rock scissors!
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-10-22 15:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dont mean to be a cunt, but with the picture of niagra fools, it looks like you have to take the picture of yourself! and with a few others!
do you have any friends?
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-10-21 02:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The bridge is in Sarnia, Ontario. I'm standing in Canada and that bridge goes to the US.
Also making their appearance...
* The Louisville Slugger factory in Louisville, KY
* Niagara Falls
* Memorial Stadium (where the University of Illinois football team plays)
* Wrigley Field (home of the Chicago Cubs)
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2004-10-20 13:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What bridge is that in the background of one of the pictures?
Submitted by sarcasm101 (user info) at 2004-10-17 02:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
gotta love the toilet paper
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-10-16 18:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Until the second last row I could have sworn that Bart only had one arm.
Submitted by ryandonovan (user info) at 2004-10-14 23:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart, you are a psychopath, through and through.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-08-28 21:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The picture of you brushing your teeth made me cream 7 times. How did you know it was my fetish?
Sexually yours,
Peepoepoewitz
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-08-20 11:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Strange.
Submitted by cozmikgirl (user info) at 2004-08-09 16:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You kinda remind me of my grade 7 science teacher. I'll bid one Canadian penny, minus postage if applicable.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-05 22:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I just got the Cat Stevens reference.
Submitted by altc <altc.at.senet.com.au> at 2004-08-05 21:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you look like Alexis Denisof who's Wesley in Angel.
mmm nice...
Look me up if your ever in Australia
Submitted by SaveAHorseRideACowboy (user info) at 2004-08-01 02:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no comment
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-27 05:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-07 00:20:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok. Which one do you want?
----------------------------
give me (creepy voice) the booooyyyyy.
you should auction off your shower tiles to the highest bidder. i bid my soul. i mean my body. i mean....
i bid method.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-07-19 21:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That last one got me rollin
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-07-17 13:50:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by omglikewtf (user info) at 2004-07-14 05:01:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
nineteen is a bit risque. [yes i counted] well actually I counted the amount down, the amount across and then multiplied. i am that intelz.
---------------------------------
.........nineteen pictures in this post???
Uh....no. It's 19 down and 3 across, which makes 57....
....What were *you* talking about?
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-07-17 13:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be in Chicago for 2 nights in August...and it's all good so long as my fiance can watch!
Seriously now. Bart, can you come out to play?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/38695#660326
Submitted by BuzzArcher (user info) at 2004-07-15 17:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do not know why...but the 'rock,paper, scissors' pictures
made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by omglikewtf (user info) at 2004-07-14 05:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nineteen is a bit risque. [yes i counted] well actually I counted the amount down, the amount across and then multiplied. i am that intelz.
Submitted by Miss_Sim (user info) at 2004-07-11 21:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's just one of those times when living on another continent makes me sad.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-07-11 10:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Does Bart have anything better to do than just take pictures of himseelf all day?
This is just weird enough to be funny.
Submitted by emily (user info) at 2004-07-08 18:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart: I tried 1-866-UBER-LUV and 1-900-GHEY-MENZ, but neither said you were in today.
Uhh... (For a good time) E-mail me?
Send me some more pictures of you at Chicago sporting events or holding knives, and we'll talk.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-08 02:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
emily: call me
Submitted by emily (user info) at 2004-07-07 21:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... I'd probably hit that, I'm from Indiana, I'm legal, and I'm hot.
Horny_Girls_That_Want_To_Bang_Bart += 1
+2 for the Bulls "Viking" helmet
-2 for the emo glasses
+2 for the meat cleaver... Now that's the way to get a woman.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-07-07 12:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So uh... what's the legal age in Illinois?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-07-07 03:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So...wow.
First of all, that shower picture is MINE, ALL MINE. Hands off, Andy.
Second of all, I guess this answers somethin' for me.
Thirdly, I don't see a single shirt that needs to be tossed out. They are all quality, you studmuffin you.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-07-07 01:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit bart, you're like Lon Chaney. Only us old people will know why I'm referencing Lon.
I liked the bottom right pic. It reminds me of what the guy that writes Diary of a Madman should look like.
Submitted by Punk-not-dead (user info) at 2004-07-07 00:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oops.. ive given too many -2's my hands in a rhythm.
Submitted by Punk-not-dead (user info) at 2004-07-07 00:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your pics made me go wet
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-07 00:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok. Which one do you want?
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-06 23:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
comon bart, at least let me have ONE of your babies.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-07-06 19:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These pictures bring back some good memories. Razor, where is your photoshop compliation sketch of the hypothetical Bart? Wasn't that you you combined the nose of that hat picture with his eyes picture from his website? God, that seems like a long time ago.
I'm not sure how I feel about the hair cut. I'd probably like it once I saw it in person. It is so hard to tell with the faces you are making.
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-07-06 17:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pay Me
Why do you have so many pictures of yourself?
Submitted by sliver <janet> at 2004-07-06 09:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this shit was funny because im high (again) just one question..is that your cum face in the third column somewhere in the middle? is that your girlfriend? you know, the doritos you're holding?ha ahh ha aahhh aha a haha ah aha
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-06 09:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this shit.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-07-06 09:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know why, but that pic of you with the knife reminds me of why tx chainsaw massacre was my favorite porn in highschool.
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-07-06 08:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-07-06 08:24:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Biggest...
camwhore...
EVAR.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-07-06 08:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Biggest...
camwhore...
EVAR.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-07-06 07:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ah Bart.
I say you do another Cyberdate profile... the last one was funny.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-07-06 07:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by confusedfemale (user info) at 2004-07-03 00:52:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
has anyone ever told you you look like Giles (sp?) of of Angel/Buffy?
cause you do
-----------------------------------
Aw Giles, he does look like him. And just a little FYI, Giles never made the transition to Angel, he left the firs time Buffy died (on WB) and came back part-time for the new Buffy (UPN). Then left when Sunnydale was destroyed.
O.O;;
So what if I know that. Shut up.
______________
Ahem. That would be the *second* time Buffy died.
And now that it's mentioned, there is a certain resemblance...
Submitted by hairsphincter2 (user info) at 2004-07-06 02:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-07-04 21:41:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I spotted at least two shirts you should throw away.
Look harder, they are all pre-QEFTSG quality. When it comes to dressing, Bart is one HELL of an Ubersite creator.
Sorry, but your shirts are offensive to my people.
Submitted by hairsphincter2 (user info) at 2004-07-06 02:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF OMFG LOL!!!!!!11!!seven!!!
w00t.
Submitted by Ingsoc at 2004-07-05 23:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who the fuck is Bart Cilfone?
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-07-05 16:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/37577
go bears woo!!!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-05 12:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Try switching deoderants and/or the brand of beer you consume.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-07-05 12:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You realise of course that with the viking helmet, multiple penetration is no longer a dream.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-07-05 11:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is this the start of;
www.emotionbart.com
?
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-07-05 01:41:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're...you're...you're crazy man, you're craaazy.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-07-05 00:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tragically, I'm underage, but here's a +2 anyway for good-looking geeks everywhere.
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-07-04 21:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I spotted at least two shirts you should throw away.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-04 11:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Got my entry in. In case this was a contest.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/37490
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2004-07-04 10:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Bart!
Submitted by Cjad_teh_Nord (user info) at 2004-07-04 02:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Someone hasn't been reading their Maddox. Doritos are for fate, greasy, annoying...wait a minute...
+2 Because you have such cool shirts
-1 Because I smell purty
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-07-04 02:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone else remember picture 10 in the middle? Right above "scissors"?
That's from when bart wouldn't show his actual face on Ubersite... you've come a long way, Mr. Cilfone.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-07-03 22:10:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only nineteen? Aw, that's too bad. What a shame, Bart.
Submitted by a girl from chicago at 2004-07-03 18:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm in northwest indiana really andi'm only 19 :-/
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-03 18:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Somebody needs a Birthday Hooker.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-07-03 18:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you Bart. Damn you and your non-replying to my comments ass.
The Bart, the.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-03 17:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I live in Wrigleyville and I'll be 29 on October 2.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-07-03 15:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm dying over here.
Chicago, here I come.
Submitted by TheEmuQuack (user info) at 2004-07-03 15:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow, now thats camwhoring. But not to hard on the eyes.
Hope you find someone.
Submitted by chicklett (user info) at 2004-07-03 10:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rather than bid, do you have a "buy it now" option?
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-07-03 09:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for making out with a bag o' Doritos
Damn you for getting that song stuck in my head!
Damn you!
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-07-03 07:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're a fucking lunatic.
Ok, you just scared me a bit... your motivation for posting this was what??
Anyway, have a +1 because im confused and frightened.
Submitted by a girl near chicago at 2004-07-03 04:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're pretty hot. how old are you?
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-03 03:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
New bart catch phrase:
"Slovin called. He wants his sweater back."
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-07-03 03:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DUDE
You took a picture of yourself WEARING MY SWEATER?!
You have some nerve, man. I want my sweater back. Pronto.
Hand it over!
Submitted by Theory_Eyed (user info) at 2004-07-03 01:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what can i say?
my leg hurts...
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-03 01:23:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I wasn't a tenth of your age, I'd be all up in that. Right? Isn't that the saying?
I'll be in Chicago in a few months. But uh.. for boot camp.
If we ever mated our children would have monster hands. And who am I to say no to science?
Me love you long time.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-07-03 00:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have liked to have seen Giles go to 'Angel.' I liked that show better than I did 'Buffy' and I always thought Giles was kind of bad-ass, in his own weird way.
Submitted by confusedfemale (user info) at 2004-07-03 00:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
has anyone ever told you you look like Giles (sp?) of of Angel/Buffy?
cause you do
-----------------------------------
Aw Giles, he does look like him. And just a little FYI, Giles never made the transition to Angel, he left the firs time Buffy died (on WB) and came back part-time for the new Buffy (UPN). Then left when Sunnydale was destroyed.
O.O;;
So what if I know that. Shut up.
Submitted by confusedfemale (user info) at 2004-07-03 00:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, Bart is actually... attractive.
I double agree, geeks are sexy.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-07-03 00:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why do you always look exhausted? And I'd like to agree that geeks are incredibly sexy.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-07-02 23:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
camwhore
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-07-02 23:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm torn. On one hand, I like the short hair a lot. On the other, my favorite picture of all of these is the one with the long hair in the furthest bottom left.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-02 22:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those pictures were fucking hilarious dude.
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-07-02 21:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart I just fingered my ass to your pics then I licked it clean and shit on my bed.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-07-02 21:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it Bart, BAW for something or three thousand dollars.
If your answer is a variation of: "Seriously Tom, shut the fuck up. You've been on BAW once and will never be on there again you smug bastard," then be prepared to see yourself taken to brown town by many different WWE wrestlers and various sweaty men. Don't make me do that Bart.
Have another +2 for the picture I used earlier.
Submitted by UlfGabe (user info) at 2004-07-02 21:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
has anyone ever told you you look like Giles (sp?) of of Angel/Buffy?
cause you do
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-07-02 20:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Remember, as long as you've got a Viking helmet on, it's not gay.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-02 19:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart...I know what you've been up too--
http://www.ubersite.com/m/37367
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-02 18:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fluffhead, I'm deeply offended by your statements. Dipshit.
Holly, it's all part of my master plan to be on your mind twenty four hours a day.
Submitted by Fluffhead (user info) at 2004-07-02 18:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've never encountered anyone i would rather spend less time with. You look like a tool, act like a tool, and where theres tool smoke, theres tool fire, tool.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-07-02 18:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by suave at 2004-07-02 17:59:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I was as hot as Bart.
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-07-02 17:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the Asian Bart
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2004-07-02 17:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just realized that I get hung up on one part every time it plays in my head.
Perhaps you can help me.......
Another Sat'day night and I ain't got no body. I got some money 'cause I just got paid. How I wish I had some (chick?) to talk to.....I'm in an awful......WHAT? Is it rage?
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2004-07-02 17:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you!
EVERY TIME you write a post with a song title in the subject line...it haunts me for the rest of the day!
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-07-02 16:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its times like these I wish I were a woman, or a flaming homosexual.
And because no one else has said it..
I'd do ya.. in the pooper!
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-02 15:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jinky - thank god someone got it.
That "Weird Al Yankovic" picture (??) was taken in Louisville, Kentucky in front of the Louisville Slugger factory.
Hidden - you're just now turning gay?
Submitted by glasscpp (user info) at 2004-07-02 14:14:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The pic two down from the "paper hand" reminds me of Weird Al Yankovic, not sure why but just plain weird.
cheers,
glasscpp
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Mademoiselle, you are in Bart's and Bart is.... Well, Mademoiselle, he's the kind of a man that, well, if I were a woman, I should be in love with Bart."
I can't believe no one has applauded the use of an [almost correct] quote from Casablanca! How sad.
Man o man, I want a reason to do a Phübershop now.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the one in the shower is SEXY!
ps- i'm gay now. that picture turned me gay.
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This man should not be allowed to own a camera.
But if I were a chick, I'd fly to Chi-town tonight, eat a hot dog, catch a cubs game, and jump on Bart like I was wrastlin' cattle.
-Bus
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really like the picture in the middle of the top row.
But I could never date a cubs fan.
just kidding, I could give a shit about basketball.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's teh beginning of a song that I wrote for you bart.
It's called, "Bart needs a girl (Part One)"
*ahem*
Bart needs a girl to ride, ride, ride...
Bart needs a girl to make his wife.
Bart needs a girl whose his, all his
Bart needs a girl in his life
Bart's internationally known on the microphone.
He's got it all, but he really needs a wife at home.
He don't really like will zone, cuz will never spends the night alone
He knows a few, you would like to bone...
and that's all that i have for now.
hell bart, just submit and join the dark side.
you'll get tons of play that way.
Submitted by papillon <lu7lu8.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-07-02 12:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You look hot with the short hair. You should definitely keep it that way!
Submitted by lawryde (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:46:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's bullcrap. Not surprisingly, you don't know what you're talking about. Computer geeks are sexy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My point was... you need time to devote to a woman. Be you sexy or not, women need your attention and love.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:02:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
If i get you a date with my sister will you fix the search engine?
she's hot dude!
she looks just like me, but with tits.
-----------------------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN YOUR PICTURE, AND I KNOW YOU GOT TITS.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If this doesn't land you the girl of your dreams, I don't know what will.
Submitted by Kimbo <kim.at.prismnet.com> at 2004-07-02 12:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Don't you remember you told me you love me, baby? You said you'd be coming back this way again, baby."
I'd do you in the butt. Mhm.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
* Lure him in with pizza, ice cream, hallucinogens
* Phone him at 2am, leave sexually explicit messages, repeat
* Put him in burlap sack, push home on wheeled cart
* Say "hi" with that look that girls give
* Double dog dare him
* Tell him he has to finish this last glass of wine. No wait, THIS last glass of wine. No wait...
* Smell purty
HAHA!
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the one where your face is all scrunched up, you look like my friend Todd.
In the ones where you are wearing the dark rimmed glasses, you look like Milo from the Descendents.
In pretty much all the rest you look a lot like my cousin Chris.
I guess you just got one of them faces.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tom: That Bart is really into Bart. He loves himself.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's bullcrap. Not surprisingly, you don't know what you're talking about. Computer geeks are sexy.
Submitted by lawryde (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bottom line... chicks don't dig computer geeks, engineers (I empathize), and the like... unfortunatly you are married to ubersite... can you snuggle up to ubersite at night, can you take ubersite to a party and dance with it? Sell ubersite, and devote your time to a lady, cuz ladies need all your time and energy... much like a website I would guess...
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If i get you a date with my sister will you fix the search engine?
she's hot dude!
she looks just like me, but with tits.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the pictures.
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, you're a Cub fan, are you telling me you havent cashed in on any of those skanky bleacher chicks?!
Oh, by the way, you're team is going down this weekend...our boys from the south side are gonna sweep...
Go White Sox!!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice set of bull horns there
Submitted by versus_god (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you look like an 80s actor. i dont know which one though...
i have a bum that's never been de-virginised, if you want to make good use of that.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn, that is a lot of pictures. I bet we see these in a lot of other posts...
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-07-02 10:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwww, poor Barty. I'm sure the knife wielding maniac of your dreams is right around the corner. Some of those pictures are pretty good though. Nice work.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-07-02 09:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Pages upon pages of camwhorism.
Submitted by euripidestrousers (user info) at 2004-07-02 09:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-07-02 09:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good plan. this will get you all the cock you desire.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2004-07-02 09:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thinking about it... you look suspiciously like the guy I fancied the pants off at uni...
Ahhhh... happy memories.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-02 09:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Crap!
You are all about the whoreing yourself out to the highest bidder.
Good Work.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Er.... maniacal even.
Flustered by a hot stud again.....
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wooo baby.
I live in the same state. Of course, so does my husband so that could be a little touchy.
I could love a guy with that maniacle meat cleaver look, though. Curse the fates that keep us apart.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bart loves himself sooooo much.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The one with the knife is going to be the clincher for you.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All I can offer you is a blow job and some crème brûlée.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How the fuck do you not have girls all over you?
YOU CREATED UBERSITE!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can make cheesecake.
I am willing - nay, happy - to sit on the couch and eat pizza and watch porn.
I can read. I can tell jokes. I can do things with a garlic press and a bottle of lubricant that will Rock. Your. World.
I smell nice, I'll do your laundry, I'll arrange for us to have big fights when the boredom of being blissfully happy starts to overwhelm you.
I have red hair, I'm stacked, and I will never say the sentence 'I don't feel like sex tonight.'
Sometimes I scream in backwards Latin in company, and I giggle uncontrollably at three in the morning, which can scare the weak of heart, but all in all, I'm fantastic girlfriend material.
That's what my fiance says, anyhow. Oh, wait... fuck.
*ahem*
Sweet cleaver you have there.
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-02 08:08:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:17:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass
-----------------------------------------------
+2 just for this Orgazmo quote. Yay for the Diedrich Badder
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're just asking for a photoshop, aren't you. Jeesh.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh fucking god..
Give me time, bart, I'm taking off work JUST TO use photoshop..
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:45:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You got a purty mouth, boy!
Submitted by SundanceKid (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where in the hell were these when I was trying to draw your Caricature??
Shit, I don't need to draw a caricature of you, you do it pretty well naturally.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously though, the middle column, 8th picture down is a really great shot of you.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOT DAMN! How far is Chicago from me? It'd be worth the commute... :oP
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
::sigh:: I love a man who knows how to weild a meat cleaver.
So how about it? You bring the duct tape and I'll bring the quicklime
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-07-02 07:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-02 06:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:32:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:25:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
**Who wants to start the bidding?**
I've got some used Tic-Tacs, and I'm pretty sure I could get enough lint out of my belly button to knit a sweater.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a box of cheeto's, some fruity pebbles, and i can probly scrape some some ABC gum off the bottom of my computer chair.
---
I got fur I just brushed off the dawg, he's shedding again.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-07-02 06:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh yes! My favorite picture is the bottom left. It is so sexy..hehehe. Anywho, I'm underage. So sorry Bart, but if I wasn't I would be all over this offer ;). You sort of remind me of my old World History teacher though.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-07-02 06:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Literally laughed my ass off thanks to the pictures, then I had to go to the fucking hospital to get it sewn back on. Thanks a lot Bart, I'm holding you responsible. The profits you make from Uber Board can help pay the medical bill. I'll expect three thousand dollars in my pay pal account no later than Monday.
Or you could be a pal and BAW my ass.
It's your choice... don't make me beg.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-07-02 05:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus dude, you look like a geography teacher in some of those.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-07-02 05:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:54:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
youve got giant "uma thurman" thumbs. and in the very bottom left picture you look like jeff bridges. (is it jeff im thinking of or the other one, mehm you know who im talking about.)"
No way, man. Gilbert Godfried (or however the hell it's spelled). That pic on the bottom right would make a great "Employee of the month" picture. At a children's daycare center.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-02 04:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Siren - how hot?
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2004-07-02 04:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll give you the remainder of my weekly lunch fund - £0.38 - but that's all I have.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-02 04:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
STFU N00B!
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-07-02 04:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
have you seen uma thurmans thumbs? theyre fucking ginormous. as are yours.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For WRIGLEY.
You know what? I"m going to a Brewers game this week...against the Cubs. And I sure won't be cheering for the "brew crew".
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a candy bar and a pack of smokes. Can that buy me at least 6 1/2 minutes of some hot loving. Its for a friend you see....
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I, for one, would be willing to travel. And I'm hot.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, and only Bart could get 30 reviews at 3 in the morning.
Fucking wanker...
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:25:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
**Who wants to start the bidding?**
I've got some used Tic-Tacs, and I'm pretty sure I could get enough lint out of my belly button to knit a sweater.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a box of cheeto's, some fruity pebbles, and i can probly scrape some some ABC gum off the bottom of my computer chair.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, but we could always have cyber sex.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, go ahead and sharpen your axe... I have a hand saw!
Ok, so two offers. Does anyone live within even a hundred miles of Chicago?
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**Who wants to start the bidding?**
I've got some used Tic-Tacs, and I'm pretty sure I could get enough lint out of my belly button to knit a sweater.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THAT'S IT!
Nobody turns ME down!
oh no.....not again....no I won't do it.....leave me alone
Stop it!.....The voices are telling me to kill again.
mommy help me.....
must....sharpen....axe.....and....drive....to....Chicago.......
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:13:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno, but with your face maybe you're better off with your arm in front of the lens.
OH SNAP!!! OHHHHHHHH SNAP!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If insults were brand names that'd be "acme"
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what I'm not good enough?
pffttshf you have no idea what you are missing.
Also funkymunkeypants also offered.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno, but with your face maybe you're better off with your arm in front of the lens.
OH SNAP!!! OHHHHHHHH SNAP!!!
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, but I have giant Uma Thurman thumbs, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.
How are you supposed to get the pinky from your right hand to press the shutter button without putting your whole arm in front of the camera lens?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes you could, and it wouldn't even be that hard, just click teh shutter with your pinky.
What, do you have a weak pinky? Pansy.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and the few pictures of me in the red shirt (the ones surrounding the Doritos picture) were taken today as can be evidenced by the new excessively short haircut.
Come on ladies, there's got to be more than just one of you out there.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't take a picture of yourself while holding a camera in your right hand unless you're some kind of double jointed contortionist.
I should point out that these pictures have been taken over the course of about two years. I was just feeling particularly bored tonight.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where do I sign up?
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Flash the last pic to any woman on the street with your hand down your pants and hilarity will ensue.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of..." That meat cleaver, that's what. 'Tis a sexy one, though.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-02 03:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think i'm in love.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, based on these pictures, and the arm with which you're holding the camera, is it safe to assume that you're left-handed, or that your camera has the shutter button on its right?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you camwhoring fiend!
Submitted by Domochevsky (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I... Um... Wow...
I'm may not be a girl, but I doubt any woman alive could resist the pic in the right column, 7 down. The raw emotion says it all.
Also, where can I procure one of those moose-hats?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:53:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
you look stoned
He doesn't look stoned, he looks cautiously optimistic.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And just a word of advice: do not post straight after me, there is no point, no one is even going to read this
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
youve got giant "uma thurman" thumbs. and in the very bottom left picture you look like jeff bridges. (is it jeff im thinking of or the other one, mehm you know who im talking about.)
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bottom right.... that's just classy.
Also liked the name of the JPG.... manofyourdreams.jpg.
Giving this a +2 made me feel gay, but maybe i'm a closet homo.
nah
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you look stoned
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for ratings back
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my computer sucks...
and that last pic scares me just a wee bit.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ohhhh...can i leave messages??????
they will be sexually explicit!!!!
i promise....
like..."dude, your mom is hot" and "dude, your mom is bitchin hot" and dont forget "dude, your mom AND your sister are fuckin hot"
thats right...you can hear THAT at 2am...
PICK ME!
ah...and goood teeth...youre a keeper!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:51:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ohhhh...can i leave messages??????
they will be sexually explicit!!!!
i promise....
like..."dude, your mom is hot" and "dude, your mom is bitchin hot" and dont forget "dude, your mom AND your sister are fuckin hot"
thats right...you can hear THAT at 2am...
PICK ME!
ah...and goood teeth...youre a keeper!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:48:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It may just be me, but you look kinda like Spencer Rice, of Canadian fame.
And you're just begging to be photoshopped even mroe than you already have.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-02 02:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The men in white suits and butterfly nets are coming to get you
come to uber boston and i will make you happy long time