Pssst....You Wanna Buy a Baby? (2096 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 0.28 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Vermin (View user info) at 2004-07-02 11:11:53 EDT
My wife and I have come up with the greatest money making scheme ever. What we do is have a baby every nine months and sell it off to the highest bidder over the internet. It's great! You would be absolutely amazed at what people will pay for a healthy white baby.
Our last baby we sold to a couple in Indiana for over 130 000 dollars. 130 000! Can you belive that?
I have written up a business proposal which I will be taking to the bank tomorrow. I want to get my wife's two sisters involved with the family business. If I can knock them up too, we could take in over 300 g's per year. It would be like a puppy mill, except with babies (and far more profitable). I've also been keeping my eyes out for healthy young women that I can recruit as I make my daily patrol. As a cop, I see a lot young women who are down on their luck and could use the cash to get back on their feet.
My wife just gave birth last night to a healthy baby boy, 9 pounds 2 ounces. I thought I would give you fine people on Ubersite, who have given me so much support in my short time here the first opportunity to bid on our new baby. I have attached a picture of the little tyke.
Starting bid is 100 000 dollars.
User Reviews
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-04-30 22:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by equaIizer (user info) at 2004-10-21 00:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I will not drive the principal's car.
Submitted by EricRice (user info) at 2004-10-17 20:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I will not do anything bad ever again.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:11:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA Funny.
I don't think the bank is the right institution to back your little venture...I am sure you'd fine the nice folks in the Mafia much more receptive.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-07-02 22:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Something for you to think about - the predisposition towards having twins is hereditary. You want to populate your little farm with women who are twins, or whose mothers are twins. Seriously - double the price for the same amount of time.
Also, twins sold as a pair fetch a higher price than two non-twin babies. People just like twins, for some reason. Trust me on this. And don't ask how I know.
Submitted by lovemetender (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:00:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:14:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
Speaking of which, hey lojope, you look pretty.
~*~*~*~*~
Aw thanks squattie!
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I would have used the phrase "totally edible."
Submitted by Fiore (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
+2 for the title alone.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-02 13:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:14:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
Speaking of which, hey lojope, you look pretty.
~*~*~*~*~
Aw thanks squattie!
Submitted by lixurboogers at 2004-07-02 12:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My only qualm... no peenie shot. Who would want to bid on a baby if you can't see the size of his member? I only buy babies with potential. So maybe YOU should whip it out. Like father, like son.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Speaking of which, hey lojope, you look pretty poor. You could sell your baby to someone online and get some quick cash, as long as you haven't eaten it already.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-07-02 12:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll swap it for a nigger baby I somehow got stuck with during my last 'buying a baby over the net' experience. At least I know THIS one is white.
Submitted by Michael <the_hellbound_one.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-07-02 11:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How about three nickels, a paper clip, and a cup of tea?
And now it's time for dead baby jokes!!!
How do you get a baby out of a tree?
Cut the rope!
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off it's head!
What's worse than ten babies nailed to a tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.
What's the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a corvette in my garage.
What's the difference between a trunk full of dead babies and a trunk full of bowling balls?
You can't unload a trunk full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Post any jokes I missed.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:53:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is hilarious.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard if you drink baby fat you can fly like the devil.
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You might wanna pocket some change so you can pay the doctors when your wife's uterus falls out.
LGF
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I prefer to buy food at the supermarket.
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What kind of sick bastard jokes about eating babies? There is no way I would sell YOU the baby. No way.
Well, not for less then 150 000.
Submitted by sliver (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
how could you do such a thing? im sad now you fucker
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I thought of that scheme but it'd take to long to get rich. You need find find a way to make sure she has twins...triplets each and every time.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Congrats?
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mmmmmmmmm, tasty
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:16:25 (#)
Ranking: -2
I prefer to buy food at the supermarket.
hahahahahahaa
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bah. It'd be worth more if it was a girl. Then I could turn a profit by selling it into baby prostitution. Whats the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old? Slicking her hair back so she looks 8. Ba dum, ching!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I prefer to buy food at the supermarket.
Submitted by calculations (user info) at 2004-07-02 11:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment