"My fellow men; cut the shit!" or What Women Want (1063 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.12 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Boogiefevuh <cowpower.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-02 18:19:14 EDT
Why is it that every guy who gets rejected, while ugly or not, always resorts to the excuse, "Oh, I'm so ugly, no girl shall ever love the true me. Woe is me, oh woe." Or how a guy will hound a girl for sex, and when she says no, he calls her a slut? We men are fully capable of rational thought, so why have so few used this while attempting courtship?
First off, I'm no expert on women. That is because I have a penis, which nullifies any and all chances I may have had of understanding our fine feminine friends. But there are a few general things I've picked up on, and would like to share with you, to better your chances for a happy future. (Note: this is by no means a guide to finding a random fuckpiece or hookup, and many of my methods here contradict those which work for one night stands. This is a guide to finding, and wooing, possible girlfriend material. And, in case this is an issue, I have a girlfriend of 7 months, and things couldn't be better between us.)
#1: This one should be obvious, but I'll throw it in anyway because it's the most important. Never, and by no means EVER, ask for sex on the first date. They'll know your just in it for the sex, they always do. Treat her with respect, and let her know it'll be a mutual decision when she's ready. Anyone who tries to rush this, against her will, deserves to be castrated.
#2: When breaking the ice, let her know you're interested in her, and what she has to say. Don't ever just concentrate on talking about yourself, for you'll come off vain. Don't ever just concentrate on her, or else you'll come off creepy. In all things, moderation is key. If you have to fake it, she's not worth the pursuit, no matter how hot she may be.
#3: Compliment how she looks, but don't go overboard. This works on a few different levels. First off, again, if you focus on how hot she's looking, she'll know you're just in it for those curves and delightfully soft spots. But if you're taking this piece seriously, that is not the case! Sometimes, something as simple as "You look very pretty tonight" can really hit home.
#4: Another thing on that subject is if you constantly tell her how beautiful she is, especially if you just met her, she will feel above you. I'm not in any way saying all women are vain, but let's face it: male or female, no matter who it is, when people tell you you're hot, you feel a little cocky. Push it too far, and she may think she can find someone better than you. Possibly one who can talk about things other than how good she looks all night.
#5: Finally...look, speak, and act respectfully. No matter how smooth you are, if you show up looking like a dirtbag, you'll be treated and dismissed as such. If you slap her on the ass, expect retaliation upon the side of your face. Calling her a "fly honey" or "bootilicious" usually doesn't help either.
Well, that's it for one man's opinion on how to woo a respectable girl. In case you didn't like this, I'll include a funny picture to make up for it.
User Reviews
Submitted by rmelon (user info) at 2004-09-10 13:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because of shitfuck. i'm in the library, and everyone was just looking at me like "what the fuck is wrong with that guy" as i just couldn't stop laughing.
that may have been the funniest response (hell, funniest thing) i've ever read.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by TheEmuQuack (user info) at 2004-07-03 15:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
To the post that women don't know what they want, I must say. That is pretty much true with all girls. Though they don't know what they want exactly, they know what they are incline to, which is exactly what this author explained.
And even if a girl doesn't have a clue of what she wants, she won't want some egotistical (did I spell that right?) bastard who treats her like a piece of crap. Well, unless she's into that. But thats a whole other topic.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-07-03 14:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good observations. Both genders need some kind of grand summit, so we can just work everything out.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-02 23:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Harmless (user info) at 2004-07-02 22:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Men and women really aren't all that different.
Real profound stuff you got here too, "respect her" "say she's pretty"! Wow, nobody has ever thought of that!
But wait, he's had a girlfriend for seven whole months. Thats a big number, seven.
And you're picture's not funny to boot.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-02 21:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously now, give it up. How can you possibly hope to work out what women want when most women don't even know what they want.
That said, vodka, kinky sex and the occasional backrub should figure highly on everyone's list.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-02 21:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hahaahhahaahhahaha
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-02 19:33:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yeah--your mom took it in the cunt mouth and asshole before I even told her my name.
I didn't pay the whore either, I just kicked her three remaining teeth out and pissed in her mouth.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-07-02 20:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You been with her for 7 months, eh? I have been fucking her for 10. She respects you, but she's my dirty little whore.
Get a grip there chief, girls may like being treated "decent", but they love getting fucked in the ass by pricks like me.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-07-02 20:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-02 19:33:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yeah--your mom took it in the cunt mouth and asshole before I even told her my name.
I didn't pay the whore either, I just kicked her three remaining teeth out and pissed in her mouth.
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Thanks shitfuck, I just sprayed my lcd screen with coke. Asshole.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-02 19:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yeah--your mom took it in the cunt mouth and asshole before I even told her my name.
I didn't pay the whore either, I just kicked her three remaining teeth out and pissed in her mouth.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-02 19:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Take this to the bank and fucking choke on it.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-07-02 18:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If a girl doesn't put out she's a bitch not a slut and the more respectful you are to a girl the more chance there is that some asshole like me is going to be pony riding her around the living room later.
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-07-02 18:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff