Living The American Nightmare (2148 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.6 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Avals (View user info) at 2004-07-03 12:00:34 EDT
Rain was pouring down outside, drenching the preoccupied businessmen scurrying back and forth from one meeting to the next. The open window let the cold winter air inside, lending a feeling of foreboding to the proceedings. A loud bang, and the feeling of cold steel on his forehead melted away into the gray winter fog.
- - - - - - - - - -
James Matthew was a man like any other; a decent paycheck, loving wife, and a house in the suburbs, complete with a white picket fence surrounding their modest but lovingly nurtured yard. James and Jenna Matthew had been married for more than a full year, but both agreed on their lack of desire to have children at this stage in life. Consequently, Jenna had plenty of time to chat with her friends and catch up on a good book while James was at work, with only Spot - her beloved Labrador Retriever pup - to take care of.
James would wake up at 8 am each morning, kiss his wife goodbye, and leave for the office - a nice accounting job in a respectable office only a short commute away from home.
For all intents and purposes, the Matthews were the embodiment of the American dream. James would often contemplate this on his way to work, trying to stifle the dark desires stirring within him. He had everything a man could hope for; he was happy. Then why did he feel as if something was missing, as if somehow, his life wasn't complete?
Shortly after their second anniversary, James broke; the feeling of emptiness inside him was too much to bear. Despaired, James turned to the only way he could think of for escaping the stifling routine that had become his life; he slept around, cheated on his loving and faithful wife waiting for him at home. For the first few months it was only with one woman, and then another, and another. By their third anniversary, James was routinely visiting no less than four different women in one week, trying in vain to suppress the feeling of emptiness that haunted him since he left college so many years ago.
This particular visit was no different from any other; James was half-heartedly undressing his latest fling, whose name he did not even remember at the moment. The house was completely nondescript, just far enough from home so there was no danger of being caught. His companion was just another young secretary hired more for how she looked and dressed than how well she could type up a business letter. They moved to the bed, both completely oblivious to the camera shutter repeatedly clicking open in the house across the street.
That night, James returned home to an empty house; Jenna was nowhere to be found. She would return home several hours later, offering some or other lame excuse for her absence; it didn't matter, James wasn't listening anyway. He could never force himself to listen, not since that dark empty feeling inside him began swallowing his surroundings, leaving a gray and indistinguishable blur in their stead.
From that day on Jenna would be routinely absent when James returned home from work. She had their living room sound-proofed, mentioning something about the kids next door making too much noise; James didn't care, he just nodded apathetically and sank a bit deeper into his black leather armchair.
- - - - - - - - - -
Marc Whitmore was a tall, well-built man. His blonde hair stirred lightly in the wind as he slowly eased open the back door to the Matthews' residence. He made sure no one witnessed his entry, and quietly stepped inside and out of the pouring rain. Family disputes were not usually his bag, but a job was a job, and he needed the money. He took out his Glock, and stepped calmly into the living room, making sure to close the soundproof door leading from the kitchen to the living room behind him. One shot was all it took - no one could miss from point blank range, let alone an experienced hitman such as himself.
- - - - - - - - - -
James sat motionless on the bed in a decrepit and completely nondescript motel room, staring blankly at the old phone by the bed. The phone rang, and James slowly reached forward and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"It's done."
With that the line went dead. James slowly reached forward and placed the receiver back on its hook. He remained sitting perfectly still in that position for several hours, although he himself had by this point lost all feeling of time.
He had thought this was it; this was the thing that will rid him of that terrible empty feeling inside and make everything better. But it didn't; nothing changed. That feeling of emptiness and utter hopelessness was still eating him from inside. There was nothing else left to do; he reached into the drawer beside him and withdrew a small pistol. He raised the gun to his head, and wrapped his finger tightly around the trigger.
- - - - - - - - - -
Rain was pouring down outside, drenching the preoccupied businessmen scurrying back and forth from one meeting to the next. The open window let the cold winter air inside, lending a feeling of foreboding to the proceedings. A loud bang, and the feeling of cold steel on his forehead melted away into the gray winter fog.
User Reviews
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-08-01 11:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right, I probably care too much. But there's just something about a dirty hit whore going and ruining a perfect +2 that annoys the fuck outta' me. You know, it would've been fine if it was someone's honest opinion. I could've even lived with it if it was just an idiot like squattail -2-ing me for no reason. But it gets on my nerves when someone is low enough to ruin a perfect +2 streak just to support his hit whoring charade.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2004-08-01 10:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the rant about littlemiss
-2 for caring so much about a perfect rating
+2 for the story itself
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-08-01 10:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why you little cock sucking goddamn bitch. Your idiotic trolling - I could live with; if you want to register a new username on Uber and hit-whore that's your motherfucking right. But you could at least have the decency not to ruin someone's perfect motherfucking 2 rating to keep up your charade. Look, "littlemiss," I don't believe you're for real and I won't believe it no matter how many words you misspell or how many -2s you give me. Many other users, unfortunately, fail to realize that you're hit-whoring. Now, that's not going to change, so if you're worried about losing your audience I can reassure you; these people are not going to become that smart any time soon. However, please keep your charade on your own goddamn posts. At least when I was hitwhoring as JeremiahC I had the decency not to -2 posts that didn't deserve it, even if it would've helped my disguise.
Submitted by Littlemiss69 (user info) at 2004-08-01 07:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-27 14:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-07-21 15:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not that I'm not flattered that he likes my work, but who's Moe?
Submitted by 01011010 (user info) at 2004-07-20 01:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that's 'MOE' like it.
Submitted by Big Al at 2004-07-20 01:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As usual, great work. You should write a book, I'd buy it!
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2004-07-10 09:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-07-05 13:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jcricket, sorry, I honestly didn't think there would be a problem with the camera thing. It was simply supposed to mean that they were being photographed. (Presumably by a private I hired by the wife.) The change in the wife's behaviour is, obviously, due to her knowing about her husband's infidelity.
In any case, point taken; I'll try to plan it ahead next time, I promise.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-07-04 11:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good story.
with more structure, you could have worked a little more on the emptiness, and also the shutter of the camera wasn't really explained.
i liked it though.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-03 15:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written and pleasingly bleak. Good stuff.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-07-03 15:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Domochevsky, glad to hear you liked it. Quite an honour coming from the author of Tokyo Riot Police. :D
As to your comment: this story wasn't really planned, you see. I just kind of sat down and wrote it. I actually had no idea what it was even going to be about until I finished the first paragraph. Anyway, this is the reason the story isn't that well structured. I was actually gonna have her hire the hitman to kill him at first (what with him cheating and all), but then decided that it was too predictable. I didn't want to do anything like that phone conversation because that would give James away; my intention was to make you think it was James who was killed until the scene switched to him in the motel room. I could've probably made it flow a bit better if I planned this thing out in advance. Anyways, thanks for the suggestion.
cutiepie, like I said above. Basically, he was the one who hired the hitman. Turns out she really did sound-proof the living room becuase of the kids next door. Ironically convenient, isn't it? ;)
Submitted by cutiepie (user info) at 2004-07-03 14:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice. I'm a bit confused though, if she was the one that had the living room sound-proofed... did he hire a hitman to kill her?
Submitted by Domochevsky (user info) at 2004-07-03 13:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work, Avals. One caveat, though: the hitman came and went pretty abruptly, which skewed the story's flow a bit, he could have been forshadowed better by alluding his plan through a phone call or something. i.e. show James making a call but only let the reader in on his end of it:
"Yes. Tommorow."
"That's a bit high don't you think?"
"Fine, but nothing up-front; you finish the job first."
"Alright, call the Starlight Motel when you're done, ask for room 217. I'll meet you after that."
"Yes. Goodbye."
But that's just my take on it. Anyways other than that one nit-pick of mine, its very well done.