Men who cheat and the women who make them cheat (11554 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.59 on 84 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Method (View user info) at 2004-07-05 23:13:51 EDT
Men who cheat and the women who make them cheat
It's a fact. Men cheat. So do women, but I won't focus on that. I will instead delve into the reasons that women force men into cheating on their wives.
As with every decision a man makes, there are reasons and underlying issues behind the decision for men to cheat on their wives. This doesn't apply to men who just have girlfriends, because honestly, if you're not married, it can't be considered cheating.
Men are creatures of instinct. We do what we want if it pleases us. The only things that stop us from doing these things are societal restraints, and moral taboos that are placed upon us in our daily lives. If you strip away these layers of bullshit that are thrown in our faces, telling us what we can, and can't do, then all you are left with are the primal urges that we as a species depend on for survival. Are these primal urges so wrong? Just because we are told that we can't cheat, does that make it right? Who are they tell us what to do? Who are THEY anyway?
I call shenanigans on society.
Want to know why men cheat?
The real reason we cheat?
Because, women make us cheat.
For you married men, go ahead. Ask your wife tonight if you can teabag her. Unless your wife is a gift from God, or a nymphomaniac, odds are she'll say no. Sometimes, just sometimes, a man needs to give his wife a good teabagging, just to show her he cares.
By denying us this, you force us to find other means of teabagging, namely a cheap Costa Rican prostitute that will get strange for some change, holla for a dolla, and fuck for a buck.
Most men don't want to cheat. They would be happily complacent in busting a nut in their wife's face on a daily basis, but the reality is that your wife won't let you get away with that.
I wonder why that is? Most women will say that it's demeaning and unnecessary. That's such utter shit. How is it demeaning? The only people that will know about it are you and your husband (and possibly his entire bowling team.)
So you're afraid that your husband will tell his buddies about your sexual escapades?
Here's a little secret.
The truth is, he's doing you a favor by telling his friends that you let him titty-fuck you last night and bust in your face.
His friends will admire you. They won't say "Jesus, your wife is a fucking whore."
What they will say is "God, that's awesome. Your wife is the shit. I wish my wife would do that for me."
Unfortunately, most women won't let their husbands release their inner beast and allow him to unleash his seminal fury all over their pretty little faces.
Instead, you call him a filthy pig, give him a dirty look, and roll over in bed, withholding sex from him for the better part of a month. Perhaps longer, if you're a real cunt.
So what do we do? Do we just keep masturbating, or do we find a hot little stripper named Candy, who dresses up in little Catholic school girl outfits and wears pigtails, and will do anything and everything you ask her to?
When faced with those options, I think it's quite clear what we're going to do. We're going to call up Candy from the nearest payphone, rent the Jungle room at the not-so-local Kew Motor Inn for four hours, and have the best sex of our lives.
So, you see, it's not our faults we cheat. We do it because we have to. If you loved us as much as you say you do, you wouldn't make us cheat. You would go take a yoga class, and learn to contort your bodies into exciting new positions, giving us no reason to call Candy up.
You have no one to blame but yourselves.
User Reviews
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-03-31 07:54:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Holy shit this was funny. And pretty right on. You're too funny.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-03-06 18:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Candy, eh?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-03-06 18:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i concur.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-03-06 17:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
THIS IS MY FAVORITE POST EEEEVAR
Submitted by heightzguy (user info) at 2004-10-06 16:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by canadianlumberjack <karalinnia.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-04 22:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha..I'd do that for my guy. If I had one.
besides, it doesn't sound THAT gross.
Submitted by PeanutButterJellyTime (user info) at 2004-08-04 01:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH PLZ, IT IS DEMEANING.... WOULD A GUY LIKE IT IF SOMEONE TOOK A STEAMING DUMP ON YOUR CHEST? NO, HELL NO. BODILY FLUIDS.... BUY A BLOW UP DOLL OR SOMETHING. YECK
Submitted by lickalotopuss (user info) at 2004-07-25 17:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All women are cock teases
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-19 02:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well put. though i agree with most here that just would leave if it wasn't what it should be.
Submitted by windzapper at 2004-07-19 01:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This stuff is great, the facts jack...Read and learn ladies. Its not too late..
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-09 16:44:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MrFunions (user info) at 2004-07-08 17:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well that about sums up men. good job.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry method, but youre gettin a +2 because this is awesome. and because I thought Krsiten's reply was even better.
-BongZilla
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-07-08 10:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-06 00:04:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
see my post With Or Without you. My XBF will always be my soul mate
but... *sigh* he has NO libido. I offered to let him bring home a hot
chick for us. But no go.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Marry me, and our children will have squishy skulls from our rampant marathons.
Oh, good post man.
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Rapist (user info) at 2004-07-07 23:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like butt sex with unconsenting partners.
Submitted by koreanboi2030 (user info) at 2004-07-07 14:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I CALL SHININAGINS ON YO! FO BEIN DUM SCHOIL GORL HORE!
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-07-07 12:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The funniest part of this post was Kristen's reply.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-07 12:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 and Amen to that Lojo
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-07 09:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-07-07 03:09:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
This post didn't annoy me, but the ensuing replies make me want to vomit. How is it that the only women in the world willing to do *everything* with their significant others congregate to this site?
Look, I'm willing to offer three locations for deposit. If that's not good enough to keep a man faithful, then I hope he sticks his in a herpes-ridden mess of a twat. And that it falls off. And that someone systematically rips every last individula leg hair out of his gams, one at a time.
~*~*~*~
That's cool Kristen, whatever works for you. I seriously think that everyone should have their own boundries, and not wanting to a certain thing sexually is not a good reason for some asshole to break up with you. Sex should always ALWAYS be a mutual thing, and if something grosses you out, you should NEVER do it just to please some guy.
However, I also think that sex, ALL sex, is a really beautiful thing between two people. It's about making each other feel good. It's a way to "take care" of each other. It's a way to physically show your emotions about that person. (At least that's what it is for me.) And that's it totally awesome if they both want to get a little freaky and discover new ways to make each other feel great. Try anything once I say, because you never know what might be amazing.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-07-07 09:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes....
Yes...
I like what you've done here...
Yes...
Once more my life is made ever much more simple. I'm off to screw that 19 yr old who works in the sandwich shop.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-07-07 03:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post didn't annoy me, but the ensuing replies make me want to vomit. How is it that the only women in the world willing to do *everything* with their significant others congregate to this site?
Look, I'm willing to offer three locations for deposit. If that's not good enough to keep a man faithful, then I hope he sticks his in a herpes-ridden mess of a twat. And that it falls off. And that someone systematically rips every last individula leg hair out of his gams, one at a time.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-07-07 00:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Touche salesman. I agree on the most part.
Love,
Peepoepoewitz
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-07-06 20:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...withholding sex from him for the better part of a month. Perhaps longer, if you're a real cunt.
That line made me spit out what i was drinking... yeah, just like in cartoons.
Pure gold on this one.
+2 +2 +2
Submitted by XtremeMooCow (user info) at 2004-07-06 20:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Method is God. I do what Method says. Method wants -2's, I'll give him a -2.
Good post though.
Submitted by Gish (user info) at 2004-07-06 19:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They would be happily complacent in busting a nut in their wife's face on a daily basis, but the reality is that your wife won't let you get away with that.
---------------------------
So true, so true, so true. Although it might be worth a month without it just to do it anyway. At least then she'll STFU.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-07-06 18:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
100 percent truth.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-07-06 16:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good God Method, you're my new hero!
Submitted by hungryc (user info) at 2004-07-06 16:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-06 16:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And even if some of us find that nympho who likes to wear our unborn children on their mandible, some days, it's nice to try something new.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-07-06 13:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I never got this position... I wouldn't even consider marrying unless the sex was amazing. I barely consider 'dating' unless the sex was amazing.
Maybe I'm just a traditionalist.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-07-06 13:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was genius.
"For you married men, go ahead. Ask your wife tonight if you can teabag her. Unless your wife is a gift from God, or a nymphomaniac, odds are she'll say no. Sometimes, just sometimes, a man needs to give his wife a good teabagging, just to show her he cares."
I almost spit up all of my orange juice onto my comp while at work on that line.
regardless of what you were trying to do, this shit was too funny.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-06 13:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Her real name's not Candy, but I'll be damned if I give you my girl's number. That sweet little blonde is all mine.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-07-06 13:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot, I still want Candy's phone number. Don't hold out on me Method.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-07-06 13:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on Most Heated there Method. I like how you couldn't piss off the women even when trying.
Oh, and Lojope, I'm glad someone else mentioned that line. I was half expecting that to start World War III.
+2 for Lojope talking about taking one in the eye.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-06 13:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-07-06 13:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:26:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Estrogenesia in action. Female apathy. It's pandemic.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goddamn you, JMG... you and your word-a-day calendar.
You SO get off on knowing how many people you send to dictionary.com.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
pan·dem·ic (pn-dmk)
adj.
Widespread; general.
Medicine. Epidemic over a wide geographic area and affecting a large proportion of the population: pandemic influenza.
n.
A pandemic disease.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-06 12:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"because honestly, if you're not married, it can't be considered cheating"
Under normal circumstances, that line WOULD piss me off. But this post made me laugh.
BTW, I don't know what girls you all hang around, but I (and a lot of my friends, actually) would do pretty much anything my boyfriend/husband wanted to do to get off.
The only thing I won't to is the money shot, but the only reason I won't do that is because I got shot in the eye once and swore it off all together. That shit burned for three fucking days, and my mom thought I had pink eye and dragged me to the doctor. As the doctor was checking my eye, with my mom in the room, I was so terrified that he was going to say "Well... Mrs. Lojo, it's not pink-eye. It seems your daughter has gotten some semen in her eye and that's what's causing the irritation. Use these drops three times a day until it clears up, and teach her boyfriend to aim."
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-06 12:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddammit, I write this shit to piss people off, but NOOOOOOOOOO
I get +2's all around. Well, mostly.
Did this line not upset ANYONE in the slightest??
"This doesn't apply to men who just have girlfriends, because honestly, if you're not married, it can't be considered cheating."
I'm gonna have to become a bigger asshole around here. This +2 shit is getting on my nerves.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-07-06 11:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Speak for yourself!
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-06 11:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truer words have never been spoken.
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-07-06 11:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who and where are these women you speak of? Maybe I'm a different breed of girl, but I don't get the ones who won't do certain things, ie: take it up the pooper, rim jobs, teabagging, WHATEVER. I truly thought those women were a myth, but you guys keep talking about them, so they must exist somewhere! Maybe I just don't have enough female friends...
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-06 11:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because you fucking rock.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-07-06 10:53:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is only getting a +2 under the assumtion that it's humour, and not how you actually think.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-07-06 10:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well said Method, if the ladie ain't willing to do a little extra its not worth the time. A good line for the wife 'My ex-wife did missionary too you know!'
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-06 09:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-06 07:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good post.
But, I don't agree with it.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2004-07-06 06:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm blown away by Method's homie levek
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-07-06 06:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whore
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-07-06 06:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why would you promise to forsake all others for someone who's not sexually compatible with you? Unless she was independently wealthy or something...
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-06 05:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I won't ask how you sliced your balloon knot up, Shandy. I don't think I'm ready for the answer.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-06 05:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
too much info shandy
way too much.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-07-06 05:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
actually i saw a new barbie doll in a toy catelogue today - CATWOMAN THEME!!! i'm sure prickle will be racing out to the shops to pick up one of those.
MY problem is my arsehole has been sliced up like steak tatar and i fear what ejaculation might do to it.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-06 05:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet his wife was angered by him spewing all over her knick knack collection and has been spiking his drinks with meds to make him stop ejaculating.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-06 05:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's keeping you from ejaculating? Saving it up for another poor little angel statuette?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-07-06 05:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
society is to blame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm working on a similar treatise
btw, you shouldn't put photos like that in front of men who are constrained from ejaculating my medical conditions, and who haven't ejaculated in 7 days.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-07-06 04:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2004-07-06 04:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So... if he's never asked me to do that have I led him to cheat?!
I'm confused now.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-07-06 03:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let that beasts out! Her's and your's. Let's just agree beasts are beasts and come in both genders. Ready to level the playing field?
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-07-06 02:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So very true.
Submitted by Theory_Eyed (user info) at 2004-07-06 02:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
did Pol pot just submit something simular to this?
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-07-06 01:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Cjad_teh_Nord (user info) at 2004-07-06 01:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I whole heartedly agree. Did I say that right? You get the picture.
I'm printing this and pinning it on my wall, somewhere highly visible. So if I get married, she can see it every day.
I...uh...might also print that picture until then...
Submitted by RouteTwo (user info) at 2004-07-06 01:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I call shenanigans on society."
granted i'm a little buzzed, but i stopped reading right there. i didn't feel like reading the rest (now anyway). anyway, i agree whole-heartedly. yes, i need another shot.
Submitted by gle_ek (user info) at 2004-07-06 01:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JuevoSplash (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:27:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I call shenanigans on society."
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-06 00:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-07-06 00:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Splendid, ground-breaking, seminal and seminal. A masterpiece.
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-07-06 00:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"They would be happily complacent in busting a nut in their wife's face on a daily basis"
Hahahaha hilarious! Well written too!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-06 00:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-06 00:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
see my post With Or Without you. My XBF will always be my soul mate
but... *sigh* he has NO libido. I offered to let him bring home a hot
chick for us. But no go.
i think i was a man in my past life.
Submitted by 01011010 (user info) at 2004-07-06 00:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need a wife to show her this post.
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Unless your wife is a gift from God"
===============================================================================================
(Said in a Gomer Pyle voice)
"GOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOOooooooOooooooooD DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN its gooooooooooooooooood to be me"
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus, munkey, you're going out with the wrong people. Where do you find these losers?
Go hang out with shitfuck, he'll teabag you until you start getting the withdrawal shakes when you don't have a pair of nuts in your face.
Submitted by Fluffhead (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice. whos the girlie?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey! i broke up with my long time boyfriend becasue he went all wimpy
and wouldn't teabag. what kinda guy refuses the offer to let him try a dirty sanchez?
who, i ask you???
Submitted by uberfemale <nottelling> at 2004-07-05 23:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I let my bf titty fuck me and come on my face, and I go to yoga classes.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And that was Method with today's "Harsh Look on Reality", back to you Tom.
Submitted by JuevoSplash (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I call shenanigans on society."
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Estrogenesia in action. Female apathy. It's pandemic.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's natural for men to fuck, that's what we're best at.
That's all I ever feel like doing anyway besides getting my cock sucked.
You're a great thinker Method,
I like Monkeys, they were punching themselves in the balls
And I laughed and then they punched me in the balls and I
Stopped laughing.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One more to help the cause.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 to cancel out my newb-like zero.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, I'm a newb!!! My bad for the 0.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-07-05 23:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're the fucking man.
If you and I were gay I'd love you until the day I died.