Drunk Tales From My Youth (Story 1) (455 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.29 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tim DeStefano <tdestefano.at.swartzcampbell.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-07 17:48:08 EDT
In my younger days, around 12-13, both my parents would work late during the summer leaving me free reign of the house, so being young and mischevious, I liked to delve into the liquor cabinet on many occasions. The story begins normally enough a few underage kids getting drunk, it was me and my friends Bill and Bill who we will call Bill 1 and Bill 2 for ease of following the story. It's around noon and we just started a round of quarters using Wild Turkey as the loser drink, needless to say by about 1:30 we were pretty hammered. So as normal with drinking, we got hungry, and ordered a pizza. We hoped on our bikes and took off to pick it up. Once we arrive the story gets interesting. I approach the counterperson and slur my way through informing him I was here to pick up. He told me it's going to be a few mintues so I glanced back and Bills 1 & 2 are sitting on chairs placed there for people like us waiting. So I back up without really looking and proceed to sit on a rack full of chips, obviously, I knock it over and fall on my face like a jackass. Everyone's looking at me, the Bills are cackling like a couple of school girls, I pulled myself together and tried to apologize to the counterperson (most likely it was unintelligible) and proceed to pop the Bills the finger. Bill 2 exclaims that, "You almost made me piss myself", and goes to find the bathroom. A few minutes pass and we finally get the food, me and Bill 1 leave for the next leg of our journey. On the way back to my parent's place Bill 1 is holding the pizza over his head and riding his bike down the middle of the road, slowing traffic while I curse repeatedly to get the fuck out of the road which he chose to ignore. We finally arrive and Bill 1 miscalculates the opening in the gate to my parent's backyard and slams head-first into it smashing the pizza squarley against it. Looking for revenge, I immediately start the verbal abuse and head toward the front door. Bill 1, quite preturbed at my mocking starts to run towards me as I'm trying to unlock the front door. Right before impact, I swung the door open and Bill 1 runs square into the side of my parent's liquor cabinet smashing himself and the pizza into the cabinet. Again followed by hysterical laughing and pointing by me.
We finally gather ourselves to eat this cheese, dough and sauce thing (as it no longer resembled a pizza)when the phone rings and I swear the convo went like this:
Me: (Trying to sound sober) Hello.
Pizza guy: Hi, this is _____from Croydon Pizza, did you just pick up the large plain.
Me: (Confused) Yes..., did I forget to pay or something.
Pizza guy: No, we were just wondering if you could come and pick up your friend?
At this point it dawns on me that Bill 2 never made the trip back with us.
Me: (Still confused) aaaaa, OK, why can't he come back himself.
Pizza guy: Because he passed out in the Women's bathroom and we can't seem to wake him up.
This was pretty much a normal day for me back then and until around 19 when I decided to cut back to try to save some dignity.
Hope you liked it, based on the response, I may post somemore of these stories.
User Reviews
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-08 09:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not bad, but you need to put more effort into it so it flows better.
keep posting, practice should help. oh and space out your paragraphs a bit better
Submitted by yoseph (user info) at 2004-07-07 19:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That was pretty fucking funny
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-07 19:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by idontusuallydothisbut... (user info) at 2004-07-07 19:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny but not stomach pain funny. you get an A for effort and an A+ because it reminded me of myself and my friends drunk at that age.I never had hangovers back then...
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-07-07 18:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad, not great. +1 for being honest about it and leaving it believeable.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-07-07 18:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You could jazz the story up a bit more dude ie Lie
This could have been hilarious, as it is Im giving you a B-
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2004-07-07 17:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ehhhhh... Okay...