You have a kid? Ok buh bye! (2449 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.48 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by reallybored (View user info) at 2004-07-08 13:15:14 EDT
I think of myself as a pretty accepting guy when it comes to female relations. I really don't care if you're black or white, tall or short, skinny or not-fat. While I do have certain things I look for, I will be more than willing to overlook them dependant on other positive characteristics you may have. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I would be able to date almost any girl.
However there is one type of girl I will never date, a mom.
Call me crazy but the idea of having to help raise a child that's not even mine seems a bit I don't know, fucking retarded perhaps? I know, I know, some of you are probably thinking that I wouldn't have to. That a good mother wouldn't expect that of me, and she would raise it herself. To those people I say,"What fucking planet are you from?"
If you date a girl with a kid you are going to help fucking raise it, case closed. At some point that kid is gonna ask you questions like:
"Is Santa real?"
"Where do babies come from?"
"Are you my daddy?"
Ever want to see RB really loose his shit? Just put him in a situation where he's making out with some honey on her couch and then some kid comes bumbling out of the back room asking for a glass of milk. Exit Stage GetTheFuckOutOfHere.
Now this may sound like not really a big deal. I mean I could just not date chicks with kids right? WRONG! Women are inherently evil (don't get your panties in a bunch, men are inherently stupid) and single moms are even worse. You see, single mommies have absolutely no fucking problem with the old bait and switch routine. It goes something like this:
SM meets guy.
SM thinks guy is cute.
SM finds out guy has own place, good job, and nice car.
Guy becomes target.
SM flirts with target.
Target becomes interested.
SM invites target to home.
SM fucks the living shit out of target.
SM continues this routine for a week.
SM invites target over during the day.
SM springs spawn on target.
Target runs away like a 14 year old girl.
How do I know? Because this shit has happened to me before....twice. And in both occasions the moms involved didn't give me any sort of head-ups about it. No conversation, no letters or memos, not even a fucking instant message. Instead it has either been some sort of side comment, "I'll be late tonight, the babysitter is stuck in traffic", or the scene I described above.
So in an effort to help alleviate this problem and maybe ease strain on males today I have come up with the Please Indicate Newborns or Kids (PINK) Program.
What will happen in this program is that single mothers will have to check a box specifying that they are single moms when they go to renew their licenses. This information will they be displayed on their new IDs. Also we are working with some local establishments that check IDs to offer women with these filled checkboxes special pink ribbons to help them show off that they are moms.
Here's one of our test photos.
User Reviews
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-22 17:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Jill at 2004-07-17 21:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a frat rat? Ok buh bye!
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:41:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2man to the rescue
Submitted by negative2man. (user info) at 2004-07-15 11:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-07-13 14:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-07-13 14:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice, I would love to fuck a milf though.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-09 10:31:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA!
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-07-08 19:22:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there are too many milfs out there though.
it's tough to resist.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-08 16:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I completely agree, but the shittiest part about reading this was realizing that most girls my age either have a kid, are married, or are divorced.
Or maybe that's just in my area.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-08 15:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm smiling on the outside, myself.
Submitted by WhoLetYouIn (user info) at 2004-07-08 15:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your posts make me smile on the inside.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-08 15:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What kind of women are you dating, man?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-08 14:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:41:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
i've dated plenty of girls with kids. i never met any of the kids once. it must be the kind of women you attract.
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Exactly, you're fucking with the wrong chicks. Get a woman that knows how to juggle the various aspects of her life and I guarantee you'll be in heaven.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:35:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' eh. The only thing worse than raising someone else's kid is raising your own.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I give you a +2 because I thought this was pretty damn funny.
I also give you about 6 years of the single life before you may come to change your mind.
This exact scenario happened to me, and I ended up marrying that Mom. Best thing that ever happened to me. I don't make the distinction between daughter and stepdaughter. She lives under my roof, I take care of her, therefore she is my daughter. Of course, my wife never surprised me with the "Oh, by the way, I have a child" routine.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, nobody called me out for using "site" instead of sight.
heh. I did that on purpose to see if the sharks would attack.
Anyway, good post.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:23:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:57:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
I call shenanigans.
That picture is obviously photoshopped.
I spent 7 hours on images.google.com searching for that image and found it on some obscure website that no one has ever heard of.
SHENANIGANS!!!
--------------------------------
AH HAHAHAHAHAH!
That was good.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sweet! Shenanigans it is! Kudos to Method for devoting his time to research a picture.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-07-08 14:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't listen to lojope. Categorize away! Stereotyping is fun. Also, to save tax dollars, here's a tip for signs to look for:
1. Strained pea stains on her pants.
2. Mention "The Wiggles" and see if she throws up.
3. She's having sex with you and you haven't noticed any major flaws in her appearance, personality or hygeine yet.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I call shenanigans.
That picture is obviously photoshopped.
I spent 7 hours on images.google.com searching for that image and found it on some obscure website that no one has ever heard of.
SHENANIGANS!!!
Submitted by Aphrodite <aphrodite739.at.aol.com> at 2004-07-08 13:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Better to date a whore who has fucked the whole neighborhood than to date a woman with a child who actually has some sense of responsibility, right? At least, if you're looking for a long-term partner.
Idiot.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:41:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
i've dated plenty of girls with kids. i never met any of the kids once. it must be the kind of women you attract.
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You can only imagine.....
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Before I read this I was thinking "I can't wait to see lojopes reply to this!"
Entertaining as always.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sadly I cannot -2 this, for I too have headed for the hills at the site of my date's little Damien child leering at me with that "you're not my mommy, I hate you!" look.
I've dated and loved men who had children before.
One of my exes even had full custody of his son.
I'm not even sure if I WANT kids of my own, much less step-children.
I do find myself staying away from men who have multiple children already.
If I really like the guy and think we have potential then one kid is fine.
If he got me to like him before he told me he had a kids, I can promise you he would be unable to have anymore after that.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i've dated plenty of girls with kids. i never met any of the kids once. it must be the kind of women you attract.
Submitted by buxton (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Its definately something that women should have to tell you right off the bat. But I don't think its something that is a big enough deal to automatically end something that could maybe turn into a serious relationship. And if nothing else they are still good lays, for the most part.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You hit a nerve with me. I hate the stigma that single mothers have on them. Especially when a lot of them are single because their boyfriend was an asshole. Not all, of course, but I'd bet more than half. Anyways, I probably was a little over-zealous. Have a +2, now you have an even 0 from me.
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:22:38 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll date a chick with a kid. I've dated them before and they never asked me to help out at all with their kids. No prob.
1 kid - fine
2 kids - fine
2 kids and 2 baby daddy's - that's where I draw the line
Why?
Because you can't look over both shoulders at the same time.
SNAP!
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hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In short, Fuck you. Dating two girls with kids doesn't make you the authority on it. Every person in this whole world is different, and you can't just categorize people like that
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I can and i fucking did. I also categorized all women as being evil.
lojope, its a fucking joke post that at best is half-true. cool your damn jets.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
First of all, I ALWAYS tell people I have a baby right away, usually the first time talking to them. (You can ask Creep_Firebombing to confirm that, he laughed when I opened with "I have a son.")
Secondly, I NEVER expect a guy I date to have anything to do with my child. I don't even introduce them unless the guy asks. If a guy asks, I am still pretty wary about making sure they keep their distance. This is to protect my son from having a guy introduced into his life and then taken away if things don't work out. I would not do that to my son.
Thirdly, I am an EXCELLENT date, child or no, and if some guy didn't want to go out with me because I have a baby, then it's his fucking loss.
In short, Fuck you. Dating two girls with kids doesn't make you the authority on it. Every person in this whole world is different, and you can't just categorize people like that. What your exes did is not what everyone does.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Simple way around this situation:
When they start asking questions about you, lie:
Tell them that you're a waiter at The Olive Garden. (Non-moms like guys that seem disadvantaged...they're easier to exert control over. A gal with a kid will usually keep on moving because she's looking for a support system.)
Tell them that you don't have a car, you have a motorcycle. (Non-moms would see this as fun and adventurous, moms would see it as a hazard due to their activated nesting instinct.)
Tell them that you have a one bedroom apartment. (As in no second bedroom.)
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll date a chick with a kid. I've dated them before and they never asked me to help out at all with their kids. No prob.
1 kid - fine
2 kids - fine
2 kids and 2 baby daddy's - that's where I draw the line
Why?
Because you can't look over both shoulders at the same time.
SNAP!
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny,
Mostly because it has happened to me as well.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PINK sounds like a good idea. I'll call my local legislator now and demand it be put into effect.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're going to have an issue discerning between the mothers and the daughters of mothers with breast cancer, but hey.
On a side note, I can't imagine dating/screwing someone for a week without mentioning a child. That's some damn fine parenting there. woohoo.
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny i know chicks like that
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-08 13:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA!
You're such a rpick