Driving lessons using the word "fuck" too much. (855 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: ocd
Rating: 1.31 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nuggs (View user info) at 2004-07-11 10:42:26 EDT
A friend from Ohio once questioned me.
Not "me" per say, but "me" the person from Michigan.
She said, "Why do you people drive so FAST? Last week I drove through Michigan and people were passing on the right... seemed like the average speed was 80mph!".
"80?" I said, a bit shocked. "I usually go 85... sometimes 90 depending on traffic...". Hmm... and then it hit me.
"Woah," I said with anger suddenly flashing on my face, "You mean to say that you drive slow in the left lane?!". I couldn't believe it.
She was one of those people who tutted along in the left lane, going the speed limit, with total disregard to the fact that it's the LEFT FUCKING LANE.
Now, I posted about this before, when I was still wet behind the ears, and it was a terrible post. That doesn't mean that this isn't an issue for me still.
Rules of the Road:
1) Use of the Left Lane on the e-way-
The left lane is for passing. If someone comes up behind you, it is YOUR responsibility to get out of the way. Get into that right lane.
It is HIGHLY IMMORAL to drive in the left lane at the same speed as the person in the right lane. Slow down or speed up a little, and GET THE FUCK OVER.
If you are in the fast lane and nobody is behind you- fine, stay there if it suits you. The second someone is approaching get over.
You are NOT the Citizen Traffic Cop. It is not your duty to ensure others don't speed. If you find yourself saying things like, "Oh, I'm already going 75!! HE does NOT need to go faster... he can just be patient and wait. I have the right to be in this lane", you should get a fucking life, and more importantly, you should GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE.
2) Use of Weaving Lanes (where an on ramp and an exit ramp run together)-
Do not stop. Simply adjust your speed so you can fit into a hole in traffic.
The traffic ON the e-way has right of way. They should accomodate your entry to the e-way, but it's not their responsibility to ensure you get in. Anyone with a bit of depth perception and a right foot shouldn't have too much difficulty weaving into traffic.
3) Breaking on the E-way-
Don't do it, fucker!!
If you're not an able enough driver to judge how fast you are going in relation to how fast the guy in front of you is going, you shouldn't be allowed in a car.
Breaking causes mini-highway-panics... one set of red lights flashing and all of a sudden everyone within a 30 mile radius starts to break for no reason.
When you approach your exit, do not get excited and comence on the breaking. WAIT until you're on the ramp, then you can start breaking.
4) Truckers
Stop looking in my car when I'm passing you. Also, don't honk at every girl you see. I mean, what IS it with Truckers?? Why are they the most lewed people in America? Are there questions on the CDL exam, like-
Question 4a: While driving on the Interstate you see a girl in the car next to you, do you:
a). Ensure that you are driving properly as to not hinder her driving.
b). Make a "blow job" gesture while winking.
c). Honk.
d). Adjust your speed as to travel next to her.
e). All of the above except A.
5) Accidents
What is wrong with America that everyone must SLOW DOWN and gawk at a gruesome accident...? "Oh look, that car flipped over!! Oh, I'm going to slow down and see what happens!! Oh oh LOOK! They are talking right there! TALKING OUTSIDE OF A FLIPPED CAR!!! OH! Oh, and SKID MARKS! Wooooo..."
Fuck, people, what's wrong with you?
User Reviews
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-07-12 23:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bahahaha that was beautiful
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-12 05:33:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read an article about this lady who got a ticket on I-275.
If you're from the Detroit Metro area, you know that this is one of the roads that WILL get backed up at rush hour.
Every single day this lady in her Beemer would zoom by everyone, using the shoulder. After doing this for a few weeks, people started to get fed up- they'd try blocking the shoulder, she'd just go off into the grass to pass... so somebody called the cops.
The cop sat off to the side one day, obstructed somehow (by a billboard like they did in Dukes of Hazzard, I hope!). When Beemer Lady went zooming by on the shoulder, they pulled her over.
Her excuse? "I'm in a hurry to get home!"
The cop asked if there was a special REASON for her rush. "Yes, I've been working all day, and the highway is backed up- I need to get home."
The cop then pointed out the fact that EVERYONE ELSE just got off of work and was in a hurry to get home.
She was STILL oblivious.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-07-12 00:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate driving out of state
it seems michigan is the only place people know how to drive
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-07-12 00:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-07-12 00:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
reminds me of old joke.
Traffic is pretty much stalled and finally the driver gets to the toll booth.
"Whats causing the hangup?' he asks the toll guy.
"About an hour ago someone sneezed and that slowed the traffic" said the toll guy.
"So whats causing the holdup now" asked the driver.
"Dumbarses stopping to ask what the hold up is" replied the toll guy.
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-07-11 23:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Traffic and assholes gawking at NOTHING AT ALL made me miss Streetlight Manifesto tonight. BOO.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-11 22:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-07-11 22:17:23 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-07-11 17:15:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
"You are NOT the Citizen Traffic Cop"
Yes, follow your own words.
________
Pretty much my sentiments.
I had other stuff to say. I forgot it.
****
That's probably for the best. I didn't want to hear what you had to say anyway, to be honest.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-07-11 22:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-07-11 17:15:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
"You are NOT the Citizen Traffic Cop"
Yes, follow your own words.
________
Pretty much my sentiments.
I had other stuff to say. I forgot it.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-11 21:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I we whatever
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-11 21:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-11 12:36:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
How about passing trucks on the shoulder at 85mph?
Scared the shit out of you, didn't I?
***
Yes Herp, that sucked... and don't try acting all bad ass about it now, because you were scared too!
**************
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-07-11 16:15:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
and you still don't have any beaches
************
Insane, I we have more beaches than you do!
Submitted by ferrisbeuller (user info) at 2004-07-11 20:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-11 18:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck yeah! I have no patience for idiots on the road.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/33756
Submitted by tothebatcave (user info) at 2004-07-11 17:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-07-11 17:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You are NOT the Citizen Traffic Cop"
Yes, follow your own words.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-07-11 16:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and you still don't have any beaches
Submitted by PersonMan (user info) at 2004-07-11 15:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree with all your points, except for the one you forgot and added later. If the right lane ends in half a mile, that means its still open for another half a mile. If both lanes were used until they close traffic would be better, IF PEOPLE WOULD LEARN TO MERGE CORRECTLY. Instead, people who waited in line speed up and block the other lane out, to prevent themselves from feeling like morons for waitng without reason. There is a way to merge swiftly, safely, and as close to the closing of the lane as possible, if you're not a moron. Problem is most drivers are willing to be assholes just to get one car ahead in the line.
Now, what does piss me off are the people who make turns from lanes that are clearly marked straight only. Just because the lane you're turning onto has two lanes doesnt mean two lanes are turning on to it. I've almost been killed many times because people think they can avoid the long turning lane and turn anyway.
Also - know the limits of your car. Similar to a commercial trucker's license, I think people who drive SUV's and large pick-up's should have more difficult licensing requirements. I learned to drive in a 15 passenger Ford van, and I could weave that bitch in and out of traffic. Some of these women in SUV's think they need a mile of space to merge on to the freeway, so they slow down causing more danger for the rest of us. What's worse are the ones that think their SUV's are compacts wihtout any blind-spots and will merge over right on top of you because they wont turn their head to look.
Submitted by zwiebac11 (user info) at 2004-07-11 13:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am also from Michigan. No matter where I go it seems that everyone else doesn't know how to drive. They all drive the speed limit! It makes me glad to be from MI.
Submitted by Rob at 2004-07-11 13:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This wasn't at all what I thought it was going to be.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-11 13:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The review you wrote is what did it for me; I hate those fuckers too.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-11 12:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How about passing trucks on the shoulder at 85mph?
Scared the shit out of you, didn't I?
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-07-11 11:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Colorado is trying to pass a law that if you are in the left lane, and holding up traffic (Going the speed limit or under), you can be ticketed.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-07-11 11:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well i liked it.
but then again, i spent all of yesterday on teh road. so go fig.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-11 11:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Drunk post, maybe?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-11 11:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
? Hmmm.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-11 10:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh I forgot something...
If there is construction or some other reason to merge into another lane, do NOT wait until the last minute and cut in front of everyone.
You stupid fuck!! The rest of us waited in line, why should YOU be able to zoom ahead? Even if you somehow MISSED the 10 signs saying, "road work ahead, merge left" and "right lane ends 1/2 mile", you couldn't possibly be oblivious to the fact that YOU are the only one in the right lane.
Do you go to the bank and just walk past the line, pushing the current customer away from the teller? "I'd like to deposit 2 dollars please".