Perfect Day - Yes it's copied from an e-mail (957 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.96 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Scotsman (View user info) at 2004-07-12 10:34:48 EDT
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants open
presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds
1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle
hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full
length mirror
7:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/dancers
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Bl*w job
6:30 Massive satisfying sh!t while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (bl*w job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine - 2 under
11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Bl*w job
12:30 Play back nine - 4 under
2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who
also bend over a lot displaying growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over,
naturally).
6:45 Sh!t, Shower and Shave
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet
steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of t!ts
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you
watch football game
9:30 S&x with three women (all with l£sbian tendencies...some bending over)
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 A night cap bl*w job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
User Reviews
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-12 12:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy shit! It's a cut and paste that I've seen 1,000 times before!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-12 11:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, no, no.
- wake up still straddling large-cocked mechanic
- uncuff him
- full english breakfast
- back to bed
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-07-12 11:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Die
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-07-12 11:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Let me get this straight, the men are out jet -setting around, breaking world records and having wild sex and the women stay in town to primp, eat and sleep?
I don't know about the rest of the woman....but Fuck that (with a capital F). Manicures, getting my hair done, working out...are not things I do for 'max fun' and certainly not the BEST thing I could do with a day! All that stuff would've been done the day before, including the flight to Stockholm where I would be receiving my Nobel Peace Prize after having lunch with the Dalai Lama. Roses are completely over done. Never never never give me a rose. I like to know who my admirers are, I don't care what my ex's girlfriend looks like and this may be a secret to some of you but .....
....Women like having wild sex too.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-07-12 11:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, you done make us scots look like total dinks. All my work, my glorious work has been undone.
Or not, who cares.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-07-12 11:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh crap!! I am now sitting here in shame of not getting that acronym....Right I will save anything like this for SPT in future.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, I just realized, you have been here longer than me. You should know what Shit post Thursday is by now.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
SPT=Shit post Thursday. You should have saved this post for then, but this was funny.
Submitted by me at 2004-07-12 10:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bad.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh crap...didn't think of binning the censoring crap.
Yeah ripped from an e-mail....I know it is bad to do but at least I admitted it.
What is SPT?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have a shitty email I'm saving for SPT.
You should have saved this one.
Submitted by SAECULUM.AUREUM (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What a big slob and wasteful use of life. Besides, it was ripped from an email you say?
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I laughed at the last two lines cause one of my ex-boyfriends used to do that.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I had gotten this email a while back, although the version that I got had more gratuitous use of the term "growler".
Growlers are funny...whatever a growler is.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kind of funny, but the censoring looks gey.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know what has possessed me to put this on. Oh well I found it funny and thought I would share the wealth.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-12 10:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Copy & paste = BAD.
When will you fuckers learn?