We've Been on Five Dates and I'm Gonna be a Dad?!! (1659 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.88 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (View user info) at 2004-07-15 13:04:31 EDT
I'll keep this short and sweet. It was Saturday night and probably our fifth date. We have a good time together, so I would like to see her again.
I decided to take her go-kart racing and then to dinner. There's something about gasoline fumes that just makes me ravenous.
After dinner, we decided to get a movie and go back to her place. She lives about an hour away from me, way out in the country.
Those roads are dark and there are zero street lights. The moon wasn't even out. Her street is ominous at night, like something out of a "B" horror movie. The trees are thick on both sides and the road is tar and chip so it gives you that rustic feeling.
I almost made a road pizza, but the animal in question scurried into the thicket. We arrived at her house and put "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" into the DVD player. It isn't the best date movie, but it was her choice. This is the girl that inspired (shameless self-promotion) http://www.ubersite.com/m/37145, for Christ's sake.
I was tired so I had decided to leave about 45 min. into the film. I made my way out into the darkness after a knee-weakening kiss goodnight. I hopped into my truck and begin the trek home.
As I am driving I saw the animal that wished to be road-pizza a little earlier. I slowed down and saw that it was kitten. He was sitting in the middle of the road, waiting for someone or something.
The someone he was waiting for probably would be the person that dropped him off in the middle of nowhere. The something for which he was waiting would almost certainly be death. From closer inspection, I determined that my new little friend had something wrong his leg and that he was clearly scared out of his little mind. He was no more than 8 weeks old and next to near helpless.
My conscience kicked into overdrive and I knew that I could not leave him there to die. I picked him up and put him into my truck. He almost caused two accidents on the drive home. Cats do not like going for rides.
Upon getting him home, I examined him further. I didn't know whether or not he was in pain, but I knew that he needed veterinary assistance. I took him to the emergency clinic Sunday morning and the vet said that he had separation in the primary nerve that connect his leg to his front shoulder and that he'll probably never be able to use it again.
This emergency vet didn't charge me.
It only took the remainder of Sunday for me to fall in love this little trooper. On Tuesday, I took him to the vet that I take my other pets to. This vet gave him a clean bill of health aside from his bum leg.
He's great and he's got a lot of life in him despite his handicap. From his wounds on his ear, the infection and missing teeth in his mouth and his bum leg, I can only presume that some asshole threw him from the car, like he was some piece of garbage to discard out of the window.
This thought made me really sad. It made lose a little faith in humanity. I am by no means an animal activist, but I certainly could never mistreat one. I live on a farm and have always had animals.
I have a kitten with three working legs, now. I think of the deplorable actions that one person took upon a lesser living thing. That kitten probably had some sort of trust for the person and the person threw him a moving car. I think of how I would like to throw this person from my car while driving across the apex of the Bay Bridge.
Thanks for reading and letting me vent. I've got to go home and give my kitten some antibiotics.
User Reviews
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-12-02 17:23:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have a kitten with three working legs, now. I think of the deplorable actions that one person took upon a lesser living thing. That kitten probably had some sort of trust for the person and the person threw him a moving car. I think of how I would like to throw this person from my car while driving across the apex of the Bay Bridge."
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Me fucking too!
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-10-27 16:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-27 15:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2005-04-14 02:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww a kitty!!! Poor thing =/
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-04-14 01:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought of this post tonight because there's a kitty laying by me feet now that I brought inside because I'm pretty sure some asshole threw bleach on him. People who hurt animals disgust me.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-01 01:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you know what's sexy? all the guys here who are showing their sensitive sides.
meoooow
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-08-30 12:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is stories like this that actually help restore my faith in humanity.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-30 12:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
Submitted by Sambuca310 (user info) at 2004-07-22 11:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that bastard - if you ever find out who it is, all Uber members should go to his house or shack or cardboard box and beat him with a bat. I am not an animal activist but that's fucked up. You are a good person for adopting the cat.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-07-19 23:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff. some people should be thrown from vehicles.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2004-07-17 12:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:20:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Call him Tripod.
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i vote for calling him Tripod too
i have a weakness for helpless little fuzzballs. give him lots of love
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-07-15 22:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-07-15 18:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmmm, kitten.... good with soy sauce.
Submitted by ubersucks (user info) at 2004-07-15 18:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-15 17:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwww...
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I should have proofread this a little better. Stupid eyes. Read bad.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for saving the kitten.
+1 for letting Layne Staley RIP.
I just got a little black kitten from the animal shelter. He's a pain-in-the-ass, but he's mine. His name is Cosmo.
Awwwww.
Now can I get some head?
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Snuggles approves of helping wounded animals and you all thought he was an asshole.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I likes it.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate stupid people...
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everytime you maturbate, God kills a kitten.
www.hosstyle.com/kittens.htm
Maybe this will be like Final Destination. God intended that kitten to die, but you cheated its death. Now God will come and try to kill you. Run! Run while you can!
And stop masturbating....
Submitted by Aphrodite <aphrodite739.at.aol.com> at 2004-07-15 14:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You rock.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:49:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, man. You rock for that.
Submitted by great_pen155 (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shold have stayed and got laid instead. But good either way round.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yea You!
I think we collect strays. We usually find them other homes, but there is usually an odd menagerie there any given week. You did a wonderful thing. Be sure to get him neutered as soon as your vet will allow it. Help control the unwanted pet population damnit!
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the part of the movie where the crowd let's out a collective "AAAhhhhhhwwwwwww."
Submitted by johnnyno (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:26:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My wife and I took in a kitten that was found in a public housing apartment. The woman who lived there had been arrested and never told anyone she had the kitten. Maintenance men found it about a week later starving. Zoe (the kitten) has eye trouble, most likely induced by malnutrition, and the vet says she will eventually go blind.
I pray I never meet the woman who abandoned her in the locked apartment. For her sake.
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Phinch:
I live in Stevensville, MD. It's the Chesapeake Bay bridge I am referring to. I have been to the Bay area in CA, though. My ex lives in Oakland.
RB:
I named him Lucky, for the sake of unoriginality. I thought of Tripod, but I felt that because he has had such a shitty life so far, I didn't want to curse him namewise. Plus, the dog from the Alice in Chains self titled album name is Tripod. I didn't want to stir Layne Staley's ghost...
Submitted by BlackAmbulance (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The world needs more people like you.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoever did that to a kitten should be curb stomped repeatedly by someone with dog shit on the bottom of their shoe.
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job
Shameless promotion:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/28263
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another because my math is SOOOO bad (what an engineer I am today...)
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, hopefully 2 +2's will offset my accidental 0, sorry!
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Again...
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:46:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit I hate when I do that!
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for mentioning Fear and Loathing
-2 because I'm a dog person
+2 for being a decent human being
"Let's get down to brass tax here. How much for the ape?"
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
you should call him tripod good idea RB
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:09:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. Your pussy has an infection.
_________________________________________
B_Bob.. I LOVE your reviews.
This had me in hysterics. The lady in the cubicle next to me is looking at me funny.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for animal rescue. you're a good man.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking A
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I get that all the time: abondoned animals that is. I live right next to a public fishing/hunting ground, and people will LITERALLY just drop off boxes of kittens, puppies, gerbils, hamsters, Guinee Pigs, etc...
We've had two ferrets dropped off and one snake. The fucking snake (Burmese Python) was the fucking coolest thing ever. It literally had to be fucking 8 feet long, and it was dropped off inside a tide fucking cloth bag with a peice of paper stapled to it. It said "WARNING. PISSED OFF SNAKE."
Called the DEC, DEC took it to the zoo, and the Zoo gave it to another zoo somewhere... fucking huge as heavy thing. You would go near it and it would just start hissing away, trying to strike at you and shit. Fucking crazy shit man.
+2 for having a heart: we've found each and every animal that is dropped off by our house a home. Probably like over 200 kittens and around 50 puppies.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a good person. The one who hurt the kitty should be eaten alive.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:20:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Call him Tripod.
Submitted by Crash (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
-1 for misleading me with the title. I was fully prepared to poke fun at your non-condom wearing arse. Be careful dude. It's a slippery slope. I have eleven dogs.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:09:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. Your pussy has an infection.
Submitted by Domochevsky (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:16:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, did you say "conscience"!? Do people still have those? Mine speaks up every once in a while, too.
I saved a kitten from a meth-head once. Come to think of it it would probably make a good post...
Submitted by selfdeceit (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
glad to see the earth isn't a complete waste.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good job.
bay bridge? you in sf bay area?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. Your pussy has an infection.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tom: Yeah, I know how losing faith in humanity goes...
Submitted by ferrisbeuller (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like to comment because this moves me but I won't at the risk
of sounding ghey
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Slightly misleading title...