The secrets within (683 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by engine13 (View user info) at 2004-07-15 13:10:29 EDT
He had always had a fort growing up. When he was little he would build them in the trees with old logs and rope. When he was in high school it was more of a little house. His dad and he built it together. A simple dwelling that was all his. He could stay up all night, he could smoke, he could play guitar all night if he wanted. Sure it was cold in the winter, but it was still his.
As he "grew up" he always tried to recreate this fort at whatever house he lived at. If he couldn't find a space or build one, then the truck would work. If they got in a fight, if he needed some air, some space this is where he would go. It created stillness in him.
When they decided to buy a house, he wanted to be able to have a fort. She didn't really understand what this space meant to him, but wanted to keep him happy. If he needed to live out his childhood with a fort, then she was happy to look for a house where he could have this. They looked for months. Nothing really spoke to either of them. They began to get disenchanted. Maybe they were too picky, maybe they should settle.
The moment they saw the house they knew it was the one. It was the perfect size, it was in good condition, and it happened to have a small guest building on the property. He would have his fort. She wanted to use it for guests, but in the end he won out. She let him have it knowing it would keep him sane.
He spent a good amount of time decorating, situating, and getting everything right. Soon, it turned into the studio. He started spending more and more time out there. She didn't really mind except for the late nights. He never really came to bed anymore until two or three in the morning. She would go out to the fort sometimes during the day when he wasn't around. Just to feel closer to him. She would look around, see what he had been working on the previous night, see how much he had drank and smoked.
One night on her way out, she noticed one of her books peeking out of a drawer in a chest by the door. She reached down to grab it and noticed an envelope underneath. He pulled into the driveway. She walked out, shut the door and welcomed him home.
The next night, he was working late; she went out to the fort again, remembering the book and the envelope underneath. She opened the drawer and pulled them out. She opened the envelope and inside was a bunch of letters. The envelopes were decorated with pictures just like the ones he used to send her when she was still in high school and he was at college in another city. How cute she thought, then she looked at the address and sender. Her heart dropped and she instantly became nauseous. She opened the first one and began to read it.
Dear Robert,
I know you are with Monica, but I just couldn't keep it inside any longer. All that time we spent talking and all the times you told me about your fights and problems. I just had to put it out on the line and let you know that I am in love with you.
She stopped reading, her eyes couldn't focus, she wanted to throw up, scream, crush something, anything.
He pulled into the driveway. She remained sitting on the floor in the doorway of the fort feeling her world crumble around her.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-11-05 19:06:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, BTW engine, don't listen to Smurfs' suggestion. It would take an idiot not to understand who's who.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-11-05 19:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff. You are starting to make a fan of me. Keep it up.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-09-16 12:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-15 17:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
pretty good.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-09-15 17:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scotsman- Not from the UK, but spent some time there. And I just love some of the words and phrases like shite, couldn't be bothered, bollocks, bird, getting pissed, piss up. . .umm I'm sure there are more, just can't remember it now. I try to incorporate these "foreign" words into my native dialect as often as possible to try to confuse the common American.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-09-15 08:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who wrote the letter!!!! Is it her sister???
Anyway good story. Makes me puke that I cannot write good stuff like this.
Oh....are you fom the UK? Just noticed the word Shite?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-08-26 16:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
I hope it isn't a true story.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was really good, and actually quite like the 'incompleteness' of it. Top dog.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I wanted to finally try to write something that wasn't shite. I know its sort of incomplete, I guess that was kind of the point.
But, the point about names is good. It would make it flow a bit better. I was trying to imply it, and in my mind it was clear, but I see your point.
Submitted by isthisallthereis (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very good. I'll agree, though, that I needed to work my way through the letter and figure out what the implication was. I think you need to assign his name earlier in the story so that the letter is clearer. Other than that minor thing - excellent.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was good.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very very good... but there is a HUGE stumble.
'Dear Robert,
I know you are with Monica'
Earlier in the storyyou need to assign a name to either the woman or the man. I didn't know if it was a letter he wrote to someone, or a letter he recieved.
Quite good though :)
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good job overall, but somehow incomplete.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Today is a very good Thursday.