If you are what you eat, then I'm a horny teenage girl (149992 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.92 on 215 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by comicbookguy (View user info) at 2004-07-15 13:53:08 EDT
Do you remember the first time you to had to go down on a girl? Believe me, I do. That very same girl had recently performed the big nasty on me, my first time in that department as well; and when it's your first time, it feels like Miss Jamison herself is working her magic no matter how bad the girl really is. Consequently, I knew that when the time came, I would have to return the favour. I just didn't think it would be so soon.
The year was 1999. At the age of 16, I was still in a stage where my brain beat my penis in every chess match they played. One head was constantly outwitting the other.
It was a warm, sunny, April afternoon. School was done for the day, and Jessie and I were at my house, playing some N64. I remember it well because I was whooping her ass in Mario Kart, and she kept complaining incessantly.
Jessie: This game is so stupid
Me: you're clearly just saying that because you're losing
Jessie: Whatever. It's still stupid.
"You're stupid," I muttered.
Jessie: What?
Me: I said you're stupendous.
She rolled her eyes; started looking at my room.
Jessie: why do you have so many posters? Superman, X-men. What the hell is the justice league?
It was my turn to roll my eyes.
Me: if you don't know I'm not going to tell you.
Jessie: when are you going to grow up? You act like you're 12 years old. Comic books are stupid.
She was tearing me up inside! But I held it in. My penis didn't let me say anything. I continued to manouver my way through "Rainbow Road."
Suddenly, she turns to me.
Jessie: Ok, lets do it.
Me: do what?
Jessie: well, actually I shouldn't say, "lets do it." More like, you do it.
Me: do WHAT?
Jessie: you know...go down on me
Me: Oh....oh! What, now?
Jessie: what you don't want to?
Me: no it's not that. It's just that...you know...I thought I'd have some more prep time.
Jessie: Prep time? What would you practice on?
I cleared my throat.
Me: Ahem. Never mind.
She moved further back on the bed, stretched out her legs.
J: you know what you're doing right?
U: Pshh. Of course I do. What is this, amateur hour?
In actuality I had no clue. I tried to think back to what some of my older friends had told me about this monumental deed.
Friend 1: you gotta start with the foreplay man. Get that engine purring. That way, when you're doing the grunt work, she's halfway to the finish line.
Friend 2: Now, what you wanna do see, is write the alphabet with your tongue. Once you get to "Z", she'll be right back down to "O" you know what I mean? She'll be like putty in your hand dude.
"Well" I thought. "Here goes nothing."
We start fooling around for a bit and a couple of minutes later, I get to the final destination. Zero hour. I didn't want to mess this up, so I start singing to myself softly as I work.
Me: a, b, c, d, e, f, g....
She pushes herself up.
Jessie: what...what are you doing?
Me: you know...pleasuring you
Jessie: Not that. Why are you singing the ABC's?
Me: I'm uh...writing the alphabet with my tongue.
Jessie: well stop it. It feels like I just got home, and Rover is licking me at the door. I thought you said Indians were good at this.
What?
Me: Are..are you questioning my heritage?
Jessie: No, I...
Me: lie back down J.
J: what?
Me: I SAID LIE THE FUCK DOWN!
She squealed; and lied down.
It was on now. Questioning my heritage and shit. We invented the Kamasutra bitch! You better believe there was going to be an orgasm today.
I dove back in, still not knowing what I was doing, but working ferociously like it was an Olympic sport and I was racing against the clock.
A few minutes later her hips started bucking.
Jessie: ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod
Me: what?
Jessie: itscomingitscomingitscomingitscomingitscoming
Victory was mine. I started getting excited.
Me: who's the dog now bitch!! Who's the dog now!!
Jessie: I'm a dog! I'm a dog!
Me: SAY MY MOTHERFUCKING NAME!!
Jessie: I LOVE YOU SPIDERMAN!!!
And before I could say "Spidawho?" she climaxed; only at the last second she turned her body and kicked me in the side of head from sheer reflex.
******************************************
Half an hour later, we're downstairs, watching TV. I turn to her.
Me: Lemme ask you something
Jessie: anything sweetie!
Me: why...why did you scream out "I love you Spiderman"?
Jessie: I didn't do that.
Me: Yes, you did. You screamed it.
She sighed.
Jessie: I'm sorry Max. I don't know why I did that. It's just that, you know, while you were doing it, I kept thinking of Spiderman. Maybe it was the posters. For some reason it got me all bothered.
Me: No.Fucking.Way. Oh my God, don't move. I'll be right back.
I ran upstairs to my room, shuffled around my closet for a bit. Ah, there it was.
I gotta tell ya...it got real easy after that.
User Reviews
Submitted by johnny.b.dumb (user info) at 2009-04-19 06:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amusing
Submitted by THERAPlST (user info) at 2009-04-19 04:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice man. I've only gone down on a girl once.. but hell.. she didn't care what we did after that :D
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-11-10 20:43:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy hell.
Submitted by langstrom (user info) at 2008-11-10 20:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At least one of us is getting laid
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-03-12 10:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus christ this is fantastic
EXCELSIOR!!!!
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-12 09:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very possibly my favourite post on Uber, ever. It had every shade and flavour of awesome at one time.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-01-22 11:28:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh christ....
*weeps in throes of contorted laffter*
Submitted by Unwell (user info) at 2007-12-12 22:06:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazingly awesome!
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-11-18 02:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you are what you eat, then I'm dead meat.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-11-18 01:51:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-17 19:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahah
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-17 13:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i remember this
fucking fantastic
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-11-17 13:11:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Post again please
Submitted by DiamondEyes228 (user info) at 2007-04-16 22:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the ending made this worth my while. haha.
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2007-04-04 14:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Mario Kart. I love that game more than my family.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-08 17:32:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
200th review!
She called you Spiderman! Ha! I once had a girl call me Mom at the moment of climax. Yeah, it was as awkward as it sounds.
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-10-05 16:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"only at the last second she turned her body and kicked me in the side of head from sheer reflex."
I can so relate to that...
High five for bringing back great memories.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-10-05 16:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahaha.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-05 16:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I never rated THIS....
Submitted by _ce (user info) at 2006-09-22 11:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I "loled"
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-02 14:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO SPIDEY GO
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-02 10:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88684
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-03-21 08:29:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"ohmygod
What?"
Gold
Submitted by stocksy (user info) at 2006-02-27 08:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I gotta tell ya...it got real easy after that
loved that line
Submitted by PoTtY (user info) at 2005-12-25 02:02:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't believe I've never bother to read this before. I mean, how good can a story about giving oral sex be?
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-12-10 13:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahaha fuckin bosh man!!!
Submitted by Luderhow (user info) at 2005-12-10 13:50:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2005-12-10 13:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
why have I never read this before?
Submitted by refusenik (user info) at 2005-12-10 13:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-25 20:46:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Instant classic, no doubt!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-26 04:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Over a year old and still going strong, gotta admire that.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-26 04:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-08-26 03:55:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-28 01:05:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:02:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed so hard I forgot I was trying to masturbate.
--==-=--=-==--==--=
HAHAHAHAAHA
-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-
AHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHA
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAhahaha'AAHaHaHAHAH I forgot about that...
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-08-26 03:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-28 01:05:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:02:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed so hard I forgot I was trying to masturbate.
--==-=--=-==--==--=
HAHAHAHAAHA
-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-
AHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHA
Submitted by sixxforty (user info) at 2005-07-07 19:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-26 00:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic post
Submitted by tehgareh (user info) at 2005-05-26 00:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-04-28 02:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah very funny, more prep time ,well done.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-04-28 01:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bitch questioned your heritage... bitch..
Hey comicbookguy, you still in Sydney?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43005
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-28 01:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:02:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed so hard I forgot I was trying to masturbate.
--==-=--=-==--==--=
HAHAHAHAAHA
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-04-20 17:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jessie: what...what are you doing?
Me: you know...pleasuring you
Jessie: Not that. Why are you singing the ABC's?
This was great!
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 18:02:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed so hard I forgot I was trying to masturbate.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-03-03 22:58:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-03-03 16:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA, goddamn funny, especially with the pic attached.
Submitted by Brillski (user info) at 2005-02-23 00:22:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Faith (user info) at 2005-02-18 11:49:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this post!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-02-10 00:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
let's see if some more people will read this.
Submitted by maka697 (user info) at 2004-12-23 15:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-12-19 18:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I've never read this.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-30 15:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
!
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-10-23 18:25:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://mistakenmedia.com/random/gfx_109.jpg
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was an AWESOME post.
What are you doing this weekend, Spidey...?
Submitted by Takabrash (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHy'd you go and steal my girl?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44193
Submitted by Jerry Seinfeld <Should sue you> at 2004-10-14 05:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Too many direct Seinfeld rip offs.
Submitted by Nekkieds <nekkieds.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-13 15:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG!!! That was freakin' funnier. I'll be passing it on.
Submitted by sarahbear (user info) at 2004-09-28 20:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha to cute
Submitted by queenoftheramen (user info) at 2004-09-17 05:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LMAO
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-09-08 14:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome man, one of my favorite subjects, and funny!
Submitted by Commie_bastard (user info) at 2004-09-04 23:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your indian? WOOO
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-04 22:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, damn. I made your awesome post scroll.
My bad.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-04 22:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!111111111111
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-09-04 15:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even if the post had been shit, you still would've gotten a +2 for the title hahahahaha
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-09-04 15:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by paku (user info) at 2004-08-31 20:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-30 13:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dat1RicanNikkuH <exodus1.at.earthlink.net> at 2004-08-20 07:22:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
lmao...still laffin--this wuz like the 2nd or 3rd story i read, it wuz hilarious im new here but im kumin bak here more often
--
Wow...thanks CBG.
Submitted by se7en* <se7en_cs.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-27 14:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LMAO!!! I almost got in trouble at work, that was fucking hilarious!!! Only thing is, when did she return the favor? She didn't give you a reason to scream, "I LOVE YOU XENA!!!"
Submitted by srl52rio <srl522001.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-23 15:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha very very funny
Submitted by bubba69 (user info) at 2004-08-20 12:28:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny! but you seem like kind of a bitch for caring so much about getting this whore off. who cares if she cums or not?
Submitted by Dat1RicanNikkuH <exodus1.at.earthlink.net> at 2004-08-20 07:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lmao...still laffin--this wuz like the 2nd or 3rd story i read, it wuz hilarious im new here but im kumin bak here more often
Submitted by chums (user info) at 2004-08-18 23:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was amazing.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-16 15:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
20,000 hits almost woo!
Submitted by crazy_girl <marble12782.at.aol.com> at 2004-08-16 15:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is too funny...do guys really think the alphabet is gonna work? lol
Submitted by christianne <thecatsmeow_89.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-15 05:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is great. marry me?
Submitted by bb <hudafi.at.aol.com> at 2004-08-15 04:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
why did you bother to write this?
Submitted by stu_the_goon (user info) at 2004-08-12 20:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic!
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-08-12 10:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-08-12 10:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more than a 2
Submitted by MGB (user info) at 2004-08-12 10:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
omfg, ive read this story about 6-7 times and i still laugh out everytime.
i give it a +4 on behalf of me and my GF
Submitted by GayVegetarianNazi (user info) at 2004-08-09 15:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me: why...why did you scream out "I love you Spiderman"?
Jessie: I didn't do that.
So far, my favourite story on this site. So funny.
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-08-08 17:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by McMuffin (user info) at 2004-08-07 12:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work.
Submitted by Faxu at 2004-07-28 22:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not only is that story good, but it dosen't take 4 hours to get it's point across. Major props man.
Submitted by mawmole (user info) at 2004-07-27 23:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh dear god
Submitted by chgable (user info) at 2004-07-27 06:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by hectazi (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-07-26 05:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh wow, that was gold....
Submitted by aldes (user info) at 2004-07-26 05:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CeeDees <ppeggs.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-26 00:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me: who's the dog now bitch!! Who's the dog now!!
Jessie: I'm a dog! I'm a dog!
halarious
Submitted by Zero (user info) at 2004-07-25 23:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was the funniest thing I've read on this site in quite a while... priceless!
Zero
Submitted by Solidsmith at 2004-07-25 22:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL!!
Submitted by Haywire <dmcmorris.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-25 13:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the first article i read when i got to this site. i just typed in bored at work into the address bar and im glad i did. well written and funny as shiat.
Submitted by sosjtb1999 (user info) at 2004-07-24 19:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty funny.
Submitted by dreadnaught_X (user info) at 2004-07-24 15:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what...what are you doing?
you know...pleasuring you
Not that. Why are you singing the ABC's?
Pure gold.
Submitted by PurplePeopleEater at 2004-07-24 12:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome. A "Kicker of all Ass (+2)" for sure!
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-07-23 13:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And before I could say "Spidawho?" she climaxed; only at the last second she turned her body and kicked me in the side of head from sheer reflex.
Fucking Hilarious!
Submitted by Flatuloso (user info) at 2004-07-23 00:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound like you were the man, what with being able to get head while this girl knows that those are YOUR Justice League posters in the next room.
Way to go.
Submitted by zajebisty <bri_074.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-07-22 21:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
We invented karmasutra bitch... WORD! good show, chuckled inappropriately with the kick to the skull... next time be more aware of the flailing limbs.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-21 21:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know I'm late, but I just saw this made BAW.
Have another +2.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-21 16:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are one funny indian
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-07-21 15:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by J at 2004-07-21 09:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1) Very funny. Well written.
2) Being that my name is Jesse, I felt very strange reading it though.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-07-21 09:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
good show you indian fuck
restock your shelves mudda fucka
GO SOX WOO!!
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-07-21 09:40:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed out loud at that picture!
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-21 09:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-07-21 09:29:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah I love spidey too.
I seem to remember him filling the suit a little better though...
---------------------
take THAT, comicbookguy's pride
Submitted by Robot9598 (user info) at 2004-07-21 09:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
01001000 01101001 01101100 01100001 01110010 01101001 01101111 01110101 01110011 00101110 00100000 01001000 01100001 00101101 01001000 01100001 00101110 00100000 01000010 01100101 01100101 01110000 00100000 01000010 01100101 01100101 01110000 00101110
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-07-21 09:29:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah I love spidey too.
I seem to remember him filling the suit a little better though...
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-21 08:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
solid post, great title.
The title and it BAW status might get this on the Most viewed post list.
Submitted by jjkk (user info) at 2004-07-21 06:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking funny.
Submitted by systemmda (user info) at 2004-07-21 02:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-07-21 00:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
An Indian, that is, not a penis.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-07-21 00:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fucking hilarious, Batman!
Dude, how the hell di I miss you? And a 9000 at that.
Oh, and P.S. Indians kick ass in the penis department, lemme tell ya, I am one.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-07-20 23:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH`
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-07-20 23:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hhahahahh BAW
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2004-07-20 22:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm, mmm, good...
Submitted by polly (user info) at 2004-07-20 17:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-07-20 15:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to write the alphabet in cursive, not in print.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-07-20 15:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We can all only wish to be this...lucky?
Submitted by Valacosa (user info) at 2004-07-20 13:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The girl had a superhero fetish. Who knew? Way to tie a current movie phenomenon into something timeless like eating box. Bravo!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-07-20 12:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was wrong about you. i guess you do have what it takes.
congrats on making BAW.
here's a +2 for brightening up the shitty work day.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-07-20 11:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A sticky webslinger all the way.
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-07-20 10:59:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA! +3, sheer goodness
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-20 10:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks sped.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-20 10:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-07-20 10:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent post.
Submitted by MadBob (user info) at 2004-07-20 08:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a million flying ants outside my window... I like dressing up as Thor and smiting evil-doers with my mighty meat mallet. Ahem...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-20 04:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-07-20 02:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kick
ass
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-19 14:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2004-07-19 14:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pink elephants eating my shorts.
Submitted by lovemetender (user info) at 2004-07-19 14:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
spidawho?
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad everyone enjoyed this story
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-07-19 05:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www2.b3ta.com/spidermanwillmakeyougay/
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-19 03:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/spiderman.php
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-18 22:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm, and the Tom got an idea...
Submitted by Fuckedup (user info) at 2004-07-18 19:35:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn sweet, you taught her all right! plus damn hilarious!!
Submitted by calculations (user info) at 2004-07-18 19:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bravo
Submitted by WhoLetYouIn (user info) at 2004-07-18 14:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's true. Spiderman makes women all hot and bothered. I mean, the suit rides up in the crotch! Someone has to relieve that stuff, man!!!
What?
Submitted by geofroley (user info) at 2004-07-18 11:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi-larious.
Submitted by hsnoopy4 (user info) at 2004-07-18 10:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just looking for fun and laughs
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-07-18 09:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-07-18 09:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did this make Bored at Work yet?
Submitted by Punk-not-dead (user info) at 2004-07-18 07:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time im eating pussy i'm going to dress up as batman, that will get her motor going.
Well done, the post was awesome
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-07-18 06:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-07-17 20:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cannot believe it took me until now to read this. This belongs on B@W, and thats the first time Ive nominated a post.
Its that good.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-07-17 20:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So your girlfriend had a comic book hero fetish....
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-07-17 16:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love comics as well. great story.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-07-17 14:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spiderman, Spiderman/ does whatever a gigilo can
Eats out girls/any size
gets his dick/trapped in his flies
watch out/he's spraying his web fluid
CBG, I love you as much as a man can love another man, whcih it tuns out is quite a lot.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-07-17 13:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bet it rides up your crotch a little.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-07-17 12:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking beautiful, I loved it.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-07-17 12:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo! I've nothing but praise!
Submitted by cherrybeer (user info) at 2004-07-17 01:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
right on!
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-07-17 01:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great title, even better post.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2004-07-16 23:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-16 18:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i love you spiderman!
Submitted by transcendent (user info) at 2004-07-16 16:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh.. made me smile.
Submitted by hungryc (user info) at 2004-07-16 16:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sambuca310 (user info) at 2004-07-16 16:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good deal
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of the movie Bad Santa (Fuck me Santa Fuck me Santa Fuck me Santa Fuck me Santa)
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-07-16 11:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2004-07-16 09:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear God this was awesome.
You rock my face off Comicbookguy.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-16 08:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sliver (user info) at 2004-07-16 08:30:39 (#)
Ranking: -2
were you excited? that little bulge doesn't leave much to the imagination
--------------------------
think harder
Submitted by sliver (user info) at 2004-07-16 08:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
were you excited? that little bulge doesn't leave much to the imagination
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2004-07-16 03:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can run, but you can't glide!
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-16 02:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And what he said.
Submitted by stinkyjap (user info) at 2004-07-16 02:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What everyone else said.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-16 02:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Comicbookguy is one of the only gems to come out of the 9000+ wave.
You kick ass.
Submitted by NightTrain (user info) at 2004-07-16 01:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you rule man.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-07-16 00:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love you
well not realy
but i do realy
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-07-16 00:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
♫♪ Spider-Man,
Spider-Man,
Does whatever a spider can! ♫♪
The first time I ate a chick out, I was dressed as a ninja.
NO SHIT. A NINJA. ☻
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-07-16 00:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE YOU SPIDERMAN!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-07-16 00:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to go spiderman!
Submitted by RouteTwo (user info) at 2004-07-15 22:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmm...have a feeling the conversation didn't go anything like that. nevertheless, i understand your pain of getting kicked in the head all too well. hucking filarious.
Submitted by Geodescent (user info) at 2004-07-15 22:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So fucking funny man. Sorry about that +1 back there.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-07-15 22:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was excellent. She wasn't one of those chicks who tastes like crotch rot, was she?
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-07-15 22:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Gish (user info) at 2004-07-15 20:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That costume does it for me too.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-07-15 19:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-15 18:57:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-15 18:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff man. I'm glad you're writing here.
Submitted by Irishcocacola (user info) at 2004-07-15 18:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-07-15 18:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 01011010 (user info) at 2004-07-15 18:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet her Spidey senses were tingling.
Submitted by stacenbass (user info) at 2004-07-15 18:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't want to ruin the perfect two. Highfive.
From a girl's p.o.v.:
I remember the first time a guy went down on me. Of course I didn't know what to expect, but it was evident that this kid did not know what in sam-hell he was doing. And this post was pure bs; That makes it all the better.
Submitted by YouKNOWitstrue (user info) at 2004-07-15 17:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No matter how many I read, i will never get bored of first time stories.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-07-15 17:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, you fucking rock.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With great power comes great responsibility.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by capnjacko (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn....that's what dreams are made of. Thank you for saving the world and my day!
Submitted by UlfGabe (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How old were you when that picture was taken?
Still in the womb?
seriously good story
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for my typo...I meant "on a girl".
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is really funny...but I can't remember the first time I went down of a girl. Of course it's been almost 30 years ago!
Submitted by hi-fi-killer (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking hilarious
Submitted by rainman (user info) at 2004-07-15 16:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
unfiltered awesome
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love YOU, Spiderman!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*THUNK*
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:58:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
"Do you remember the first time you to had to go down on a girl?"
I remember the first time i was fortunate enough to get the chance.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Betcha' can't eat just one...
Mmmmm. I love dining at American pink taco stands.
Oh. Great post, too.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't it funny when that first person gives you a 1 instead of continuing your perfect 2?
It seems so out of place...and more often that not, their comment praises you much more than those who left a regular old 2.
Fascinating.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome in so many ways.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
i'll never forget my first time doing it. i was addicted right away.
Submitted by yoseph (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fucking Hilarious
Go get 'em spidey
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwa haa haa haa haa.!
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is hilarious.
Submitted by Uberfuck (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!! That's excellent. The only thing funnier would be if right before she climaxed, you stopped and started to sing the alphabet song again. Of course that would have gotten you a slightly more intentional kick in the head.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are awesome.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-15 15:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W!
Submitted by cowstastegood (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome story. The picture was worth a thousand words. I had a similar costume when I was about 5... I wonder what ever happened to it?
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Do you remember the first time you to had to go down on a girl?"
I remember the first time i was fortunate enough to get the chance.
Submitted by js.rules (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking great
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's damn funny, brudda.
Submitted by Aphrodite <aphrodite739.at.aol.com> at 2004-07-15 14:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone knows Spiderman is hot.
I'd do him.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So. Very. Good.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, you're now officially my favorite. This was as funny as fuck.
Submitted by KoRnTaco (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess you made HER spider senses tingle!
...GET IT!?
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We invented the Kamasutra bitch!
-----------------------------
+2 for that alone
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm. spiderman huh.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha. Very good.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold!
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the funniest posts I've read in quite some time!! Nice job, Spidey!!
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, that was fucking funny.
I embarassed myself laughing while my boss was talking to me. I guess I should learn not to read and listen at the same time. Or to do a better job of listening while reading. Or maybe just not to read your posts, which will likely make me spill milk out of my nose, while drinking milk? Whaaa?
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going with Shenanigans, but a good story none the less.
Nice pants, dude.
Submitted by johnnyno (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic!
Submitted by master-beta (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Totally hilarious!
I love it.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"my brain beat my penis in every chess match they played"
Awesome.
Submitted by poochie (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:08:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A spidey senses...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha the ending and the picture are priceless
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Story
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for a great cunnilingus post,
despite the nagging feeling of shenanigans
based on the fact that I believe it is impossible
to stop licking and ask questions and still get her off.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is fucking awesome. The picture is killing me.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your writing "voice" is becoming exceptional.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-07-15 14:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spiderman is a ladies man huh?
I'll have to remember that.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because spiderman rules.
If you are what you eat, I'm a chocolate doughnut.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SPIDERMAN!!!!!
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-15 13:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you did not dress up as spiderman? i can't stop laughing.
you are becoming one of my favorites.