My adventures with a smelly ass dog. (765 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -1.67 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Shirkinparkin (View user info) at 2004-07-17 01:29:20 EDT
I am an animal person. I can say I understand animals. Being a basic animal myself, I can relate to them quite well. For the most part, I love animals.
But not this stinky ass motherfuckin dog of my girlfriends.
It is a female cocker spanial, about 35 years old (human years). It has developed a rotten disease that causes her ears to leak mucus and emit a rancid smell. Within 15 feet of the dog, you can smell this. Walking past the dog in the hall, I nearly lost my lunch. I have developed a bad habit of kicking the dog in the head whenever it comes torwards me. I just can't help it. The stench drives me mad.
We decided to do something about the bitch. My girlfriend called the vet and got an appointment. I volunteered to drive her down there, just so the problem was fixed. I hoped the vet could do something about it, because if not, I would have to kill it. Plain and simple.
We loaded up the dog in my car. I put a sheet over the back seat. I immediately knew this was a bad idea. Getting in the car, I could smell it. I looked back at the dog and gave her a death stare. I already felt like I was going to loose it. My girlfriend got in the car.
"Are you alright?" She said.
"It's fuckin gross!" I yelled.
I started the car and quickly rolled the windows down. The smell was stronger.
Now I have this problem. If something grosses me out or makes me want to hurl, my mind goes into overdrive thinking about throwing up. I sometimes start to gag. Most of the time, I can just walk outside, get some fresh air and it's ok. But sometimes, it gets me, and then goosh, like a reservoir break, my last meal is now on the floor.
Backing out of the driveway, I began to gag.
"Ghhkkkaattttt! Fuckin dog! That dog fuckin ggaaatkkeheh! Oh, my god."
My girlfriend seemed concerned.
"Shut up. It's not that bad. Once we get on the highway you won't even smell it." She said.
Now a trip acroos town with the dog could kill a man. But the vets office was thirty minutes away. As we got on the highway, cigarette after cigarette I smoked. Trying to cover the smell. The damn dog thought this was joke or something and kept sticking it's head between the two front seats. When it did this, I smacked it with my Rolling Stone magazine. It sat down again but came back after a few minutes. I began yelling at the dog..
"Sit! Sit back there! Fuckin sit! Stay! Over there! Sit! Over there!"
My girlfriend, concerned yet again, offered some advice.
"Just smoke some pot or something. You won't even smell it anymore."
Wow. What a suggestion. Especially coming from the person who's said such things as "You're fuckin stoned, huh?" and "You're stoned ALL the time" and "When are you going to grow out of smoking dope". I took her suggestion, and loaded up my pipe. This will do it. Even if it doesn't get rid of the smell, at least I'll be high. So I begin to toke up. I blow the smoke to the back seat. It actually seem to offend the dog and he migrates to the opposite corner. After I'm done I light a cigarette to keep the smell distinguished, and I make my way to the vets office.
The appointment goes hunky dory and he give the dog some medication. I seriously though about asking the vet, behind my girlfriends back, to put the dog down. But we were never alone to do so.
I swear to god, whatever the hell that vet did, made the stench a million times worse. I don't know if he stirred it up, or broke something, but it stunk like fuckin shit. Actaully, if I had to pick a word to describe it, it would be "dead". Dead smelly shit.
We get back in the car and drive up to Taco John's. I began to gag, while ordering the food. The dog could smell something, because it was wobbling around, with it's nose in the air.
I pulled up to the window. The dog was still moving around. I began to gag again. I was going crazy.
"Get the fuck over there. I'm Gonna kill that motherfucker!"
"Milli, sit. Cory, calm down. She can't hear you she's deaf!" My girlfriend said.
"I don't give a fuck, I'm sick of that dog. I'm gonna fuckin puke over here. I think it's dying from the inside out or some shit."
"Sir?" I hear voice say.
"THat fuckin dog is dead, when we get home. I'm gonna give it that whole bottle of pills and hope it dies. If it doesn't, I'm gonna fuckin shoot it. I swear to......"
"Sir?" I hear a voice say.
"Sit down you stupid motherfucker. Sit! Sit. Stay over there, or I'll fuckin smack you! You fuckin stinky ass dog!"
Sir?" I hear a voice say.
"WHAT!" I scream.
"Your total is $14.56. Are you alright?" says the window clerk at Taco John's.
"Yeah. I'm fine." I say as I turn torwards her.
Well, she fuckin thought I was crazy. I got one of those looks that a mom get's when she's beating her kid around at K-Mart. A look that makes you feel inhumane. One of those looks where you feel like a little kid getting scolded, cause you're playing with your weiner. Or something like that.
The trip home was about as horrible as the one there. I gagged, and I complained, but to no avail. Actually, nothing worked for the dog. She still stinks just as bad today. The medicine didn't work. Now I'm stuck with the same fuckin problem, again.
I have come to accept the fact that the dog smells like shit. She probably will, till the day she dies.
Fin.
User Reviews
Submitted by jack <jacking.at.jacking.com> at 2004-10-29 14:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Smell my fuckin bum asshole
Submitted by Shirkinparkin (user info) at 2004-07-19 20:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no shit.
Submitted by Sindiedoll (user info) at 2004-07-19 10:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear you, my ex had a dog that was older than the universe and smelled so bad i felt like gagging all the time it was near me. Didn't hate the dog though cause it wasn't his fault he had matted up wire wool fur, stinking breath, no eyesight, no hearing and the ability to piss anywhere. It just made me hate my ex even more for allowing the poor creature to live. Seriously get that dog put down!
Submitted by dragonfly (user info) at 2004-07-17 18:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
+2 to the dog for pissing you off you dog tosser. i think i will send my dog round to fart in your cornflakes
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-07-17 10:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PolPot (user info) at 2004-07-17 05:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-17 03:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahah...Good.
Submitted by Naheenanajah (user info) at 2004-07-17 03:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have developed a bad habit of kicking the dog in the head whenever it comes torwards me.
Cruel... but for some reason made me laugh alot.
Submitted by Fromaster at 2004-07-17 02:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for pissing off the person at the drive thru, but -2 for somking pot while you drive, dipshit.