Never Get Drunk and "Trim Up" (1104 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.8 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HatMan (View user info) at 2004-07-17 12:50:52 EDT
Ah, the wonderful days of high school and the adventures and parties we had in those times.
On this particular day, we had been celebrating something. I honestly don't remember what is was anymore, some friend of a friend's sister's cousin's husband's new understanding of the schwartz or something. It doesn't really matter, and it didn't then either. Any excuse to go out and fornicate was used.
I wasn't much of a drinker in high school. Alcohol and me didn't become best friends until about 3 years after then. Of course, back then I had the balls of youth. We were enjoying a good party and getting more drunk by the minute. Nirvana raged on in the background, I think. That's how I remember it anyway.
Then one of my friends brought up how he would "trim" his pubes to make his wang look bigger. I was still young enough to have never heard of this optical illusion, so I was very impressed with the idea. Soon after that discussion, the party broke up and everyone went home.
I came stumbling into my house at around 2AM, trying not to wake the 'rents up. When I got in there, I realized just how badly I had to pee. I quietly fell into the bathroom when my friend's words of wisdom came into mind. I decided right then and there to try it. I got out my razor and started to trim my pubes like I would my stubbly wish-it-were-a-beard. Oddly enough, I didn't chop off my bippy.
I forgot all about doing that until about 8 days later when I had, after many, many months of nagging, landed a date with (who in retrospect, really wasn't) a super fox. I wasn't really a "ladies man" in high school, so I was very proud of my accomplishment. The night went by pretty smoothly (which, looking back, was like really about as smooth as having my body dragged over a million speed bumps at 200 mph) and one thing inevitably started leading to another. In my adolescent, panicked frenzy I had still not thought about what I had done the other night.
She reached down to unzip my pants, and I, my ego having been boosted to unfathomable levels, expected to see her jaw drop in astonishment. Instead, she said something closer to, "What the hell is that?!" For a second, I thought she was just trying to compliment me. Then it sunk in. I remembered what I had done. I looked down and my pubes looked like a corn field that had been recently ravaged by a tornado. It was awful. There were bald spots that had been given just enough time to grow a little stubble right next to spots that looked gigantic in comparison.
She promptly left after that and it took a good year before I ever got any.
User Reviews
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-10-24 23:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What NerfHerder said.
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2004-07-18 12:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Slyphter! My god! That was my next idea for a post! Brilliant, man! Of course, now I can't post it. Oh well.
Submitted by slyphter (user info) at 2004-07-18 03:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost wrote a post that went sorta like this but it would have been titled "never take a bath while on lsd"
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-07-18 02:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-07-17 20:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well that was kinda mean of her...
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2004-07-17 17:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nerf, I have no clue myself. I must have been really busy dying or something, I can't explain it either. That's how I remember it though.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-17 16:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure how you didn't look at your dick for 8 days, but oh well.
Submitted by LightningAmy (user info) at 2004-07-17 14:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hahaha you said bippy!
Submitted by Almost Random Joe at 2004-07-17 13:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.