The Never-ending Lagoon Story (805 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Parlor Trick (View user info) at 2004-07-17 16:25:38 EDT
The dock at the end of the pine needle path still stretches its wooden arm over the lagoon. The raft, floats nearby seaweed hanging from a frayed nylon rope.
I spent my summers here with my two sisters, barefoot and reckless, free to roam beneath our parent's radar. I was fourteen, the youngest always trailing behind, an extra in my sister's adolescence. Boys were still a looming and distant temptation.
I remember my mother saying "you're younger ya know, you can't expect to..." as I ran out the door towards the lagoon.
The raft anchored in the deep bucked against the screaming, laughing scrambling bodies.
I was drawn to the frenzy despite the distance to the middle of the lagoon. I had, once before, made it without stopping. I dove in and swam the to join the others. My legs heavy, my breath short, I reached the crowd and someone yelled "Oh Shit! Watch your language, there's a fuckin' minor at the raft!" Laughter.
"Excuse me a minute..." I heard as a hand pushed my head beneath the surface. I fought upward sucking for air, a hand still on my head. "Back already?" laughter and pushed under again, open mouth inhaling, silty lagoon water searing my nose.
I twisted and kicked free my fingertips reached, found, then clung to the edge of the tilting raft. I was trying to catch my breath, holding on to the wild wooden animal thrashing in the water.
I felt someone grab my wrists and yank me upward. One of the boys held me above his head and to cheering encouragement threw me back in, a fish too small. I hit and went under. The murky water quiet and muffled and for a moment, I welcomed the calm of drowning. I pushed myself to the surface. "I'll get her!!" I heard as an older boy dove in my direction.
Panic. Exhaustion. I had to get back to the raft. I had to get away from the raft. I had to hang on. My sisters were unaware and caught up in the chaos. The refuge of shore was too far for consideration. Then I remembered the space beneath the raft.
"Whatever you do - Don't go under the raft, " all the voices in my head agreed.
The boy's hand grabbed at my shoulder. I dove deep, eyes peering, propelled forward, I surfaced in the turbulent dark void beneath the raft.
My hands gripped the rocking wooden cross beams keeping my head in the 8 inches of air space, chin lifted, feet pounding on the wooden surface above my face. Relief ...and then the water erupted in front of me and the boy's face appeared, eyes wild.
He hooked one arm over a beam and looked at me grinning, deciding. Our breath audible, water splashing around our necks.
NOTE TO READER: This is getting too long and I don't know where to take it from here. Please advise:
A) The girls sister grabs the boys ankle from below and saves her younger sister (didn't happen but would make for a good after school special)
B) The girl gets away and reflects on how the experience made her stronger (the truth but incredibly boring)
C) The boy gets whacked on the head by the raft and either drowns or is saved by the girl (could get evil and gory or be to predictably sappy and happy)
D) The boy and girl get naked and party under the raft (I know some of you are thinking it)
E) A big seaweed monster comes out of nowhere and eats everybody on the raft except the boy and the girl beneath it
F) Other (please specify)
G) I never should've started the story in the first place....
H) Nobody actually read this far....
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-04 04:20:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You really REALLY need to post more.
Submitted by Pooz (user info) at 2004-08-24 04:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PISS
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-07-18 22:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I like the second ending.
It sort of fits you.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-07-17 17:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Have a giant fish jump out of the water and give our protagonists advice, and a lecture on the dangers of drug use.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-07-17 17:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was afraid posting this might be a mistake but I had to get it off my computer screen. It was the only way to get rid of it. My apologies for the fragments, I know better.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-07-17 16:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was not bad but I would work on fragments and punctuation a bit.
Make her die.
Submitted by Caldur (user info) at 2004-07-17 16:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
As the saying goes...
Don't start what you can't finish.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-17 16:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You write well, so I'm sure any of those choices would be enjoyable. But my vote goes for evil and gory. Let's have something dark and disturbing.