Caroline is a cow (680 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fiction
Rating: 0.44 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nuggs (View user info) at 2004-07-18 00:02:59 EDT
James knew nothing else besides farming. He was born and raised on a farm. Every aspect of James personality and turn in his life was true to his farming heritage. He had strict ideals that matched up perfectly with others in his community.
And then there was Caroline.
She was a truly beautiful cow. Physically perfect- smooth hide, bright, shining eyes, perfect form. The first time he looked into her huge wet eyes, he felt as if he was finally at peace with the world.
He found himself sneaking out to the barn just to gaze upon Caroline. It was almost as if she was devine. Her movements were flowing, yet strong. She seemed to be perfect.
James would sometimes fall asleep against the hay. It wasn't comfortable, physically, but emotionally Caroline seemed to affect him, even when he wasn't awake. It was as if he felt safe just to be near her.
This continued for quite some time. James began to feel insecure about his feelings for this cow. "Real Farmers" would never become attached to a cow! A "real farmer" would know that cows are only good for one thing- Meat.
It came to a point where he would start to fall asleep, and a single thought would nag at him. He'd surpress this thought, trying to sustain the happiness he felt with Caroline. He did not WANT anything to detract from this pure bliss he was experiencing.
Then one night the thoughts flooded in like a tidal wave. He could no longer deny reality for the sake of his own emotional wellbeing. He could not forget that he was a farmer, and Caroline was a cow- a typical cow.
He had allowed himself to fall in love.
Real Farmers do not fall in love.
Cows are only good for one thing.
After what seemed to be an eternity, he slept.
The next morning he woke, and quickly made his way to the phone. Without hesitating, he dialed the butcher.
"I have one ready for you today, Dale." He said. "No... No... Just this one... she's giving me too much trouble. Yes, just take her today- I can't bare to deal with her any longer."
Make no mistake, he was just like the other farmers.
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-07 00:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course they do the sad moo thing
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-07 00:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think cows do the whole "sad mooo" thing.
Don't worry, I wont be the farmer.
I'll be the hippie.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-04-07 00:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MOOOO!!!!!!
MOOO!!!!!!!
mooooooo.... =(
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-04-07 00:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aww, you're my cow? I get to be the farmer and send you to the butcher?
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-04-07 00:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cor,
mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-05 06:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-18 21:56:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-18 21:45:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and I must say that this is my FAVORITE POST EVER.
Notice the rating. My shit posts ALWAYS get rated higher than my good ones.
---
Same thing happens to me.
------
and just which posts, pray tell, are you referring to? (the "good" ones, I mean)
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-19 21:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Daking- I'm always right.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-07-18 21:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whats the link to the black chicken post Nuggs?
Anyway the prime reason for cows is for milk and breeding.
Of course once they are no longer any good for that they end up at the abbatoir. They are not prime meat however.
That comes from calves = veal
or Steers (de-knackered bulls) = steak on the hoof.
I know what you mean about the ratings also. Some of my better posts (in my opinion) sink without a trace and the stupid ones get credit.
And you and Tom were proved right.
It is a Wabbit!
Where's my gun!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-18 21:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-18 21:45:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and I must say that this is my FAVORITE POST EVER.
Notice the rating. My shit posts ALWAYS get rated higher than my good ones.
---
Same thing happens to me.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-18 21:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and I must say that this is my FAVORITE POST EVER.
Notice the rating. My shit posts ALWAYS get rated higher than my good ones.
With the exception of my Black Chicken post. Nobody liked that, surprisingly.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-18 21:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hah, Daking... I was laying in bed last night, thinking of this very post... and I was going to write it in the morning.
Then I started to worry that I'd forget the premise, so I hopped out of bed to write it.
I was VERY pleased with the post, and with the weight of my creativity off of my mind, I found myself drifting off to sleep with ease.
And then I thought, "Oh shit... Do they use female cows for meat?". Surely they do. They do, right?
I'm no fucking farmer, that's for sure.
tee hee
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-07-18 21:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Real farmers know that cows are only good for one thing.............Milk.
Steers and calves = meat.
Cows = milk
Funny story Nuggeta
mooooo
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-18 14:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
awwww... <looks at hamburger.. throws it away>
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-18 13:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
???
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-18 06:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He wasn't FUCKING Caroline!
This was pure and innocent Farm Love!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-18 02:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why buy the cow, when you can have the sex for free?
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-07-18 02:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-07-18 02:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well well
my my
Submitted by PolPot (user info) at 2004-07-18 00:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I JUMP KICK YOU WITH MY NUBS
Submitted by cock_whistle (user info) at 2004-07-18 00:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate you nubbs!!! I'm glad highschool's finished!!!!