I will require $4, a can opener, and some paint (773 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.38 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (View user info) at 2004-07-19 09:32:47 EDT
Did you know that you can purchase an entire chicken in a can? Giblets, bones, and everything. All in a can the size of a football. And the best part of all of this is that they are only $4s. The possibilities are endless. We chose a random act of vandalism.
It began one evening around 12. My friend Tom and I were visiting another pal who posessed one of these chickens a la cans. However, he would open it out of fear that there would be an acctual chicken stareing up at him. So we went off in search of one of our own. Thank god for 24 hour Albersons. It was about 2 at this point, and we were in an grocery store purchasing a canned chicken, and we still didn't know how we would get it open. Our travels then took us to another friends house. Amethyst wasn't home but would be soon to return with Martin. When they joined us we had the chicken open and were waveing it threateningly at one another. It smelled like tuna, but looked surprisingly like human tissue. We then tried to see if it was poisonous by feeding a bit to the cat, who rejected it. Then came Martin. He was the first to sample a bit of the disguisting tuna-human flesh. Then came Tom, and finally Amethyst. I wasn't going to, but then I got an idea. It would require paint and a trip to the highschool. But the only way anyone else would go along with it would be if I would join the foul ranks of the cannibals and eat the psudo chicken. Reluctantly, I gave in and we were on our way.
The only color of paint that we had available was a light shade of blue, but it seemed to do the job. We mozied over to the school and assigned roles. I would be the one to paint, and Tom would be the chicken bearer. The rest being pussies, hid behind a wall as I finger painted the giant, periwinkle, pentagram on the sidewalk of the school, and as I turned to call Tom to bring out the chicken, I realized, there was no one there. The chicken was all that remained. They had gone and hid in the parking garage of the near by apartments. I grabbed the chicken and smiled as it made a satisfieing splat, upon hitting the pavement in the center of the pentagram. It oozed of a familiar teenage angst.
The chicken remained there for several hours before the crows picked it to bones, and the paint stayed for several days before being scrapped off, but the entertainment that $4 bought us will bring joy to our memories until we all succumb to alzheimers.
User Reviews
Submitted by abefroman42 (user info) at 2004-11-09 15:56:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Derka derka derka, Muhammad Jihad
Submitted by Marauder (user info) at 2004-07-25 22:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/39435
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-07-25 22:09:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one word
milk
or was it pie
damn this faulty memory
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-07-19 10:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-19 10:36:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:47:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, I gotta tell ya, I'd be very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who read this, is dangerous. And this button-down, Oxford cloth psycho, might... just... snap, and stalk, from classroom to classroom, with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into your shit post writing ass. This could be someone you've known for years. Someone very... very... Close to you. Or maybe you shouldn't post every little stupid event that happens in your life.
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i really need to rent Office Space
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If you want to learn where this came from then office space will waste your time. well its not that office space is a waste of time, i live that movie, but i do not think you are going to find what you are looking for. did you know human urine is steril, you can drink it.
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-07-19 10:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He can play all of the basketball he wants, dammit! He is the mortal equivelent of god!
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-19 10:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Val, that would be Fight Club, not Office Space
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-07-19 10:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You mean Tom is an Omnipresecence(sp?) Does that mean that he can't play basketball
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-19 10:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:47:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, I gotta tell ya, I'd be very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who read this, is dangerous. And this button-down, Oxford cloth psycho, might... just... snap, and stalk, from classroom to classroom, with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into your shit post writing ass. This could be someone you've known for years. Someone very... very... Close to you. Or maybe you shouldn't post every little stupid event that happens in your life.
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i really need to rent Office Space
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-07-19 10:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They are all the same Tom. But in a god like sense, meaning that he can be everywhere at once.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You didn't use spellcheck, did you?
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:43:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
You wrote this like you were saying it out loud to someone who knew what the hell you were talking about.
Exactly.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:43:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
You wrote this like you were saying it out loud to someone who knew what the hell you were talking about.
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That about sums it up. Also, why does it seem like fucking everyone has a friend named Tom?
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've been awake for quite some time now, and I think that I said it out loud to myself as I typed it.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, I gotta tell ya, I'd be very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who read this, is dangerous. And this button-down, Oxford cloth psycho, might... just... snap, and stalk, from classroom to classroom, with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into your shit post writing ass. This could be someone you've known for years. Someone very... very... Close to you. Or maybe you shouldn't post every little stupid event that happens in your life.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You wrote this like you were saying it out loud to someone who knew what the hell you were talking about.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yup.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to work for Osco Drug, part of the Albertson's chain. Man, there was some crazy stuff in there.
Submitted by Scooter08 (user info) at 2004-07-19 09:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, this reminds me of some fun times I had with friends. Those times consisted of burning bibles, though. There was a pentagram, though....made with bibles.