Tips for the sick (1350 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.44 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <oleannder.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-19 12:45:39 EDT
Some of you may know from my earlier posts that I have have been pretty sick recently so I have not been around much. My charming Doctor still does not have a clue as to what is wrong with me but I am pretty sure that it's more than psychological when you drop 30 lbs in less then 3 weeks.
That's right.... I puke up every single thing that I eat. I am so bloody hungry right now that I could probably eat 2 large pizzas and a 2 litre of Coke if I didn't already know that it would result in me being bent over the toliet for the next two hours expressing my views to the little buggers that live in the sewers. But hunger isn't the problem, everything that hits my innerds suddenly turns to molten nuclear waste & must be expelled right away.
On a good day I only puke 5 times. Don't ask about the bad days.
I submitted an entry on how to make vomiting easier http://www.ubersite.com/m/36363. But with a few additional weeks of study I would like to add a few things:
- If you are unable to wrench yourself away from the toilet without searing pain - go to the emergancy ward. Either have a friend drive you or, if you don't want to wait in line for 4 hours, call an ambulance.
- If you can't keep Gravol or Travel Tabs in your system - go to emergancy. They will hook you up to a charming IV drip & re-hydrate your sorry ass.
- If you are hooked up to an IV but still need to puke - ask for a bucket larger then those stupid kidney shaped cardboard things. That way you won't try to stumble to the can when you are all drugged up, nor will you overfill the cardboard thing, leaving a foul smelling mess all over you that makes you feel worse then before.
- Try not to puke during your CT scan. This can not be stressed enough. Blurry pictures do not help make a diagnosis. Besides you will only have to try to do it again.
- Be prepared to sweat after being re-hydrated with saline. A few bags of this crap & you start to stink like it too. Bathe as often as you can. Baths are better then showers because you are far less likely to fall down and hit your head. While death would be merciful when you are like this, perheps it can wait until the time that you are not naked.
Until next time..... I hope that all you people who can eat a pizza and not chuck it up.... die slowly you evil bastards.
User Reviews
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-07-19 18:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How are your teeth doing?...
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-07-19 15:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheTaoOfNoe (user info) at 2004-07-19 14:46:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe you should lay off the Oleander *L*
Seriously, what tests have you undergone?
You should have an upper and lower GI series, sigmoidoscopy, colonoscopy and endoscopy.
You should have an injection fraction test to test the function of your gall bladder.
Have you had an HIV test? Are you a woman? Have you had a lupus and liver function tests?
Do you have diarrhea also?
Too broad!!!!
Chronic vomiting is also a sign of kidney disorders. Do you have an ear infection?
These are all possibilities, but puking sucks, good luck to you!
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Har har har. That was one lame joke if I have ever heard one before.
Testing: Pregnancy 4 times, diabetes, thyroid, CT scan & other fun blood work that incuded any STD's so no... it's not HIV.
No ear infection. They checked that first since the vertigo is pretty bad on it's own.
My Dr. is useless & I hate him. I am looking for a new one. I see a neurologist next Monday.
On the plus side I have not yet chucked up the jell-o cup I had for lunch. Did I mention that I hate Jell-o?
Submitted by TheTaoOfNoe (user info) at 2004-07-19 14:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe you should lay off the Oleander *L*
Seriously, what tests have you undergone?
You should have an upper and lower GI series, sigmoidoscopy, colonoscopy and endoscopy.
You should have an injection fraction test to test the function of your gall bladder.
Have you had an HIV test? Are you a woman? Have you had a lupus and liver function tests?
Do you have diarrhea also?
Too broad!!!!
Chronic vomiting is also a sign of kidney disorders. Do you have an ear infection?
These are all possibilities, but puking sucks, good luck to you!
Submitted by johnnyno (user info) at 2004-07-19 14:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh. Get well soon!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-19 13:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry that you're too sick to hate me...
Have a +2 and get well soon...
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-07-19 13:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, that sucks. Thanks for the tips, I'll keep them in mind the next time I'm on my death bed.
Get better.
Submitted by deenie (user info) at 2004-07-19 13:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
on the bright side of things, your going to have spectacular abs at the end of this whole ordeal!!!!
Submitted by Oleannder (user info) at 2004-07-19 13:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-19 12:57:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
I had the same problem for 9 months. My doctor called it the flu... It was really an ulcer.
I wondered what happened to you, I expected some sort of hate post because of this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/36933
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Hate post? For that? Fuck it, not really worth it. Nice to have a mention though.
It's not the flu, it's not an ulcer & it's not mono (been there, done that..... bass players, gotta love them).
Although while in emergancy I actually started to hope that they would just snap my neck. Whats the problem with euthenasia? I support it 100%!!!
I missed you too Munkey. I will be back at full hater-strenght soon I hope. Once of my fun symptoms is the inability to type the words & letters that I mean too so this is taking a LOT of effort. I wonder how that voice recogniction stuff does with sarcasam?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-07-19 13:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-19 13:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe you have Mono. Thats what I felt like when I had it.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-19 12:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I had the same problem for 9 months. My doctor called it the flu... It was really an ulcer.
I wondered what happened to you, I expected some sort of hate post because of this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/36933
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-19 12:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey you! We've missed you!
hope you get better!