Days of Smoke Part 1 (446 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.6 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andrew <downerSTAIN.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-19 22:29:59 EDT
The music roared in his ear, loud and hard. He suddenly woke up, wondering how the hell he'd gotten to sleep with this blasting at him. He turned it down and rolled over. He saw my pipe and stash lying out on table. He cussed to himself and got up to put it away. Right before he lifted up the board he kept his shit in, he remembered his parents were on vacation. No wonder he hadn't gotten a shit storm about it yet. So, as any teenage pothead would do in his position, he smoked himself silly.
About half an hour later, he decided it was time to start his day. He went up the stairs from his basement room into the kitchen. He caught a glance of the clock. It was 12:01. Or was it 10:21? Definitely 10:21. Man, he thought, this is some good shit. He saw the light on the answering machine blinking and pressed the button. Message one, some telemarketer. Message two, grand mom calling to check up on him. He made a mental note to call her later. Message three, from his friend, Tan. They called him Tan because he was such a pale motherfucker and hated the sun. Not that he was one of those pseudo-vampire assholes; he was just more of a night person. He had said to call him as soon as he got up; their band had decided to have a practice today. He called Tan and told him to pick him up in about half an hour since he had to find some clothes and get a shower. He went back down to his room, grabbed a shirt, a pair of jeans, and some boxers and went to get a shower.
After he had gotten all nice and clean, Tan still hadn't showed up so he decided to have some breakfast. Poptarts and peanut butter, the breakfast of champions. Or stoners, whichever. He went back down to his room, clicked his TV. on, and flipped to the local news. Nothing really interesting. Some random shooting in the city over drugs or money or something. The war was still going strong; at least that's what the White House had said in their latest press release. Weather was sunny, high of 70 degrees. Not bad, he thought to himself as he finished off his breakfast. Then something caught his eye. Apparently, a kid he knew from school had gotten into a car accident and died. He didn't know him that well, so he wasn't upset. He flipped the channels around a little until he heard the doorbell ring. He got up, grabbed his stash, a lighter, and his bass and headed upstairs.
On the ride over they really didn't have anything to talk about, so they just kind of sat there awkwardly listening to whatever generic cock rock was on the radio. Then he remembered the news.
"Hey, did you hear about Joe?" he said, breaking the awkward silence.
"Nah man, what happened?"
"The news said he died in a car accident last night coming home from some party."
"Really? That sucks. Anyone else in the car with him?" Tan asked. Tyler knew why. Tan had just gotten dumped by Jenny, and she had been going out with Joe the past couple weeks.
"No, she wasn't in the car." he said, trying to stifle a smile.
"Man, fuck you, you know I'm not over her yet." Tan said, a little tone of shame in his voice.
"Yeah, I know. I just don't see why. You know she'll fuck anything with two legs."
"I know. I just...I don't know, I felt something special there."
"That's not something special, that's herpes." Tyler said with a little chuckle at his own wit. Even Tan laughed. Everyone knew Jenny was a slut.
As they pulled up to Alan's house where they always practiced, Tyler finished rolling the first joint of the day, as he knew everyone would appreciate not having to wait. They walked up to the door and knocked. It opened, but it wasn't Alan standing there, it was one of their other friends, and also their dealer, Bobby. He didn't say a word, just opened the door and went back downstairs. They followed, wondering what the fuck his problem was. As soon as they got to the bottom of the stairs, they saw what his problem was.
"Seriously, why the fuck is there a DEAD FUCKING BODY on your floor?!" Tyler yelled at Alan who had just come out of his room.
"Calm down. Bobby was making a deal that went wrong. We just have to load the body into his trunk, he'll take care of it." Alan said, trying to appear calm. Even Tyler could tell he was as scared as everyone else. Alan had never been able to stay calm in situations like this. So they put the body in the trunk and Bobby drove off. Tyler could already tell this was going to be a long fucking day...
To be continued...
User Reviews
Submitted by StonedSiIIy (user info) at 2004-09-04 06:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've shit better posts.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-24 06:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Woo Ha Woo Ha
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-07-20 17:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-20 08:52:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
This is worth reading, but your style is a little iffy.
You use pronouns way too much.
Good job, though.
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Yeah, I couldn't really come up with a name for him at first, so I just used "he". Thanks though :-)
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-20 08:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is worth reading, but your style is a little iffy.
You use pronouns way too much.
Good job, though.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-07-20 02:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-07-20 01:54:57 (#)
Ranking: -1
Your story just doesn't flow. Look at how many sentences start with 'he'. He did this. He did that. He went here.
Also, it would be more interesting if you focused on something other than the character's daily routine. This post sort of sounds like something you would read in a blog.
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It's getting there, this is pretty much just the setup.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-07-20 01:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Your story just doesn't flow. Look at how many sentences start with 'he'. He did this. He did that. He went here.
Also, it would be more interesting if you focused on something other than the character's daily routine. This post sort of sounds like something you would read in a blog.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2004-07-19 22:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cliffhanger!