The Natural Way (1886 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.46 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <boom_slang> (View user info) at 2004-07-20 08:04:32 EDT
"Natural Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me, This sort of thing is, my bag baby, written by, Mr. Boomslang"
"One, Warranty card for Natural Made Penis Enlarger Pump, signed, by, Mr. Boomslang"
Having sex for the first time in a long, long time last week stirred up memory of a great phenomenon that I had discovered a few years ago. Bear with me, there are a few twists and turns to get to my point.
It was early December 2002, I was graduating in a few weeks, and before I left the University, I needed one last taste of some sweet young thing. I found her at a party one night, tastefully slutty and dangerously clever. Her name was Linda, she was out and she was looking for attention. I was working my way nicely through a six pack and eager to supply her with whatever playfulness it would take to win her over.
The passion came quickly; after only a few days of getting to know each other we began fucking. She didn't like oral sex, giving, that is, so after a little kissing and dry humping for foreplay, it was all sweet, sweet coitus. As much as she enjoyed the sex, I think she really got off on the attention. After trusting each other more we were having sex without any condoms, and this was a first for me.
She was wet and flushed, dribbling slightly viscously, as I was stroking slowly in and out of her.
"Fuck me," she whispered, and I began pumping her a little bit rougher.
"How's that?" I said, like usual, having no idea what I'm doing.
"Oh, you can do better than that, c'mon I want it good and hard."
I started pumping a faster and there was a clearly audible, thlap, thlap, thlap, sound.
"Ohhh, give it to mee, fuck me harderrr", the passion in her voice was increasing as she got hotter.
I grabbed onto her hips and started bucking rapidly against her, her pussy began making a sloshing sound, and a few minutes later it happened.
"THhbbbbbbbbbb!"
She queefed, it was loud and it was good. It happened over and over again.
"Thlok, Thlok, Thlok, Thlok, Thlok, Thlock, THHhhbbbbbb!"
Most women I've been with have always been a little embarrassed about the queef. There'll be some kind of verbal acknowledgement that she's queefed, usually an "Oh my!" or some such nonsense, which is forgotten as quickly as the next stroke, and then she'll begin moaning proudly again.
I've always seen it as a prize and sport a giant grin each time I hear it. In my mind, if they are queefing and still enjoying the sex over all the different noises, then I must be doing something right.
The next time we had sex she says, "How come you feel bigger? You weren't hurting me before..."
The seed was planted, it would take days to root and more to bud. The first thought began with, "what have I been doing with my cock lately?" Then the queefing came to mind.
It was like I had stumbled upon the greatest secret of my time. It began unraveling before me faster and faster the more I considered. Could it be true? It must be.
Follow me down the twisted path of my strange, scientific pysche. The sex that involves queefing is like a natural penis enlarger.
I'm not an expert on how a penis pump works, I've never used one, but the basic function behind it seems clear to me. Insert cock, form seal against body, start pumping air into urethra. Cock gets filled with air and increases in size.
So the queef sex is basically the same principle, only the cock acts as both pump and...well, the cock. The vagina forms a seal of some kind as air is pushed inside by the penis, and as the air pressure increases inside the vagina, the pumping action begins to push air into the urethra of the penis as well. When air pressure reaches its "critical volume", the next pump releases the air from the vagina, (and mostly like the urethra of the penis as well) and the whole process begins again.
So next time you hear that sloshing farting sound cheering you on, remember, it's a safe, fun, and most likely harmless way to increase length and girth.
Incidentally the woman I'm with now doesn't like the pressure build up of this kind of sex, leaving my manhood and quest for a the 12" dong lost...for now.
User Reviews
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-08-30 15:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
austin powers -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-08-30 15:25:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
boy
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thought-provoking material sir.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2005-11-21 15:26:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Beetle
He's as fast as can
And he knooooows He's the best
------------------------
5 +2's for being the first to say that.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-10 22:03:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, baby!
+2 for using the word "queef". Or inventing the word. Whichever.
Submitted by heater (user info) at 2004-08-24 17:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't naturally enhance this Heat!
Submitted by UrAngelDi (user info) at 2004-07-20 10:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what?!
+1 for the pic
Submitted by Charred (user info) at 2004-07-20 09:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"THhbbbbbbbbbb!"
You paint quite a vivid picture.
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2004-07-20 09:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-07-20 08:41:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
I though a cock pump created suction on your wang and caused more blood to go into your shlong. I've never heard of a peener pump putting air into your johnson to make it bigger.
My thoughts exactly.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2004-07-20 09:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Potatomanjack -
my handle is just the name of the model of sunglasses i use.
I am familiar with the boom vang, or as we liked to call it
the poon tang. i did a bunch of sailing last summer.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-07-20 08:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I though a cock pump created suction on your wang and caused more blood to go into your shlong. I've never heard of a peener pump putting air into your johnson to make it bigger. But way to make her pussy play a tuba solo. Thats always funny.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-07-20 08:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Post is OK I guess,
One question though, is your title purposely close to 'boom vang' (part of a sail boat) or is that just a coincidence?
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-07-20 08:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought it was pretty funny, and at least you don't type like a retard.
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2004-07-20 08:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess it isn't a very romantic topic. Sorry Dude.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-20 08:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You posted on the wrong forum shit for brains.