Seagull War 0 - and a bit of camwhore (716 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.75 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Trout (View user info) at 2004-07-20 23:56:52 EDT
I speak to you today as a man that has been at war, with seagulls.
The story begins a month ago when my neighbour came calling at my door.
Flanders: "Hello, I'm your neighbour"
Trout: "Yes?"
Flanders: "I notice that birds have been building a nest in between our roofs and thought maybe you'd want to check if they'd gotten into your attic"
Trout: "Ok, I'll check. Cheers"
I ventured up into my attic in trepidation. I remember when I was younger and bats had gotten into my father's attic, as soon as we opened the hatch the disease ridden fuckers flew at us. I didn't want the same thing happening with a bunch of sparrows. I plucked up the courage and threw open the hatch to the attic, expecting the worse............
Luckily there was nothing there.
All was good until a few days later I was in the back garden.
Flanders: "Hello"
Trout: "Yes?"
Flanders: "Did you check your attic?"
Trout: "Aye, I did, nothing there"
Flanders: "Good, it seems that it's seagulls nesting between our roofs"
Trout: "Seagulls? They don't nest indoors anyway so they wouldn't come into our attics anyway"
Flanders: "Oh. Anyway, there's chicks in the nest"
Trout: "Ah, just put your hose on the fuckers and wash them away"
This wasn't the thing to say. A look of shock and horror crossed my neighbours face.
Trout: "........or just leave them be?"
Flanders: "Yeah, but they keep dive-bombing Rod and Todd when they're out in the garden"
I looked about. I couldn't see the nest but could hear the chicks. No sign of an angry momma and poppa gull dive bombing anyone. I began to think my neighbour was talking out his arse. I retired indoors.
A couple of days later I noticed that the squawking of seagulls was getting louder and louder each night. I could of sworn that I heard a seagull murder a cat in the middle of the night. I was beginning to wonder what the fuck was going on.
For the next few mornings I noticed that there were always two gulls perched on my roof. They always seemed to be eyeballing me as I made my way to and from the car to go to work.
One day I came home from work and started towards my front door.
One of the gulls spotted me and started cawing.
It took flight and circled above my head.
I stopped and looked up.
More and more gulls were starting to circle.
Then it happened.
Many wars have been started by an act of force, The Great War was started when the Arch Duke Franz Ferdinand was shot by the Black Hand Gang, World War 2 by the German invasion of Poland.
My war with the local gull population started with something akin to those two acts.
As I was standing looking up at them circling one broke from the pack and flew low, coming from behind. I had no chance. Before I was even aware that I was under attack I felt the first strike on the back of my head.
I instinctively reached to rub my head. My hand was damp.
What the fuck?
I brought my hand back and looked at it, covered in white and black mess.
I had been shat on!
And so my war with the seagulls begun.................................
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More to come on the war of the seagulls next time.
And now an attempt at camwhore (my first attempt at using a scanner so I hope it worked)
User Reviews
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-07-21 12:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-07-21 11:39:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.lib.byu.edu/~rdh/wwi/comment/blk-hand.html
Yeah I wondered why I had forgotten this. Because the hit was not ordered by The Black Hand
___________________________
See what happens when you hit a made man without the proper authority?
All mafioso take note.
Interesting info.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-07-21 11:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.lib.byu.edu/~rdh/wwi/comment/blk-hand.html
Yeah I wondered why I had forgotten this. Because the hit was not ordered by The Black Hand.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-21 11:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-07-21 08:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I give away waaay too many +2's lol. This deserved it tho.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-07-21 08:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww, you're so young and tny and cute! How can you even reach the keyboard little boy? Awwww......
Before anyone pulls me up on this, that statement was sarcasm, I realise this is an old picture.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-07-21 05:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bring on the war!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-07-21 03:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, the Black Hand society was definitely who killed the Archduke. They were quite possibly the WORST successful asassins ever. Check the expiration date on your cyanide, fellas...
Submitted by Apathesia (user info) at 2004-07-21 00:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh, see? The evil that is seagulls. I'm closer to the city, so my war is waged on the OTHER most useless bird on the planet: Pidgeons. Hope your war goes better than mine: I have to scrape crap off of my car weekly, lest my blue car be a blue-and-white polka dotted monstrosity.
Submitted by Ed_0150 (user info) at 2004-07-21 00:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice Story...
Submitted by ?????? at 2004-07-21 00:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is this monkey crap?
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-07-21 00:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am interested in the story. I am also interested in the Black Hand society. I thought it was a lone gunman. On a hill? Patsy? I need to sleep now.