TERROR ALERT ORANGE – Girl Party Invite (1311 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Parlor Trick (View user info) at 2004-07-21 23:04:57 EDT
Something evil and insidious is happening to nice women all over. They are being recruited, drafted and forced into attending expensive and painful 'girl parties'.
Men are inexplicably spared this torment. Imagine the following conversation:
Bart: "Hey Tom, you doing anything this Sunday?"
Tom: "No, what's happening?"
Bart: "I got the new Party-Lites Catalog and was planning on sponsoring a Candle party at my place Sunday afternoon"
Tom: "ah, well, ah...gee..."
Bart: "ok so 2 o'clock. Joe, Mike, and Bill are going to be there"
Tom: "Great, I'll bring cup cakes"
This just doesn't happen (well, I'm not sure, it could be that Bart actually does have candle parties but let's pretend he doesn't).
Meanwhile...
The word got out at the office. Angela is planning a candle party. Operation "Avoid Angela at all cost," is underway. She is armed and dangerous and the rest of us are hunkered down and hoping she'll pass us by.
It's just a matter of time before she finds me or worse, the pink post card invite finds its way into my in-box. The defensive strategy is obvious - have an excuse and expression of disappointment pre-planned and ready.
Rachel was the first victim; she got separated from the herd and was accosted in the parking lot after lunch. I saw her looking over Angela's shoulder in a 'leave me, save yourselves' expression as the rest of us slipped inside escaping and leaving poor Rachel. There was no saving her.
Angela: "so Rach! This is my first party and I really, really, really hope you can come. You will won't you?"
Rachel: "ah, well, ah...gee...ok"
Angela: "ok, so great! You're coming! Don't tell anyone but.... I get 30% off everything I order for sponsoring the party! I'm so glad you're coming!"
Rachel: "ah. Ok, good ah...for ..ah - you. Should I bring anything?"
Angela: "Really?! Oh that's so nice of you to offer! Could you bring a desert? Cupcakes would be great! I love chocolate and cherry frosting! Thank you so much!!" [*kiss* kiss*]
There they were, the next morning, pink post cards sticking out of women's in-boxes everywhere, spread throughout the office like a virus.
I decided to confront the situation head on, take control, stop the hide and seek and just tell Angela "I'm not fucking available" minus the 'fucking'.
Me: "Angela! Gosh...thanks for inviting me to your party!!"
Angela: "Yes! I hope you're coming!"
Me: "Oh I'm so so disappointed but, no. Turns out my mother's birthday is on Sunday, go figure, and I just can't make it. I'm so sorry, you understand."
Angela: "Your mom's birthday is Sunday?"
Me: "Yes, I'm sorry, I would much rather go to your party. Really. No really I would."
Angela: "GREAT!! Because the party is Saturday!"
Me: "........"
My head: "FUCK!!!"
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Ladies it's time we agreed to spare our gender further suffering and cease the secretly painful rituals associated with in-home sales parties.
Until then, just flash the catalog and name your price.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-04 04:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
recalc
Submitted by whyme63 <whyme63.at.diaryland.com> at 2004-10-13 14:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This made me smile. I can relate--I have a partylites catalog on my desk right now, courtesy of an annoying coworker.
I can turn these invites down most of the time, but occasionally get sucked in by my favorite sister-in-law. The last one was "Southern Living At Home", where I discovered than NOTHING in my personal taste reflects Southern style. Thank God.
Submitted by Pooz (user info) at 2004-08-24 04:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PISS
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-08-08 00:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i went to a girl party once, it was one of those sex-toy parties though.. and it was AWESOME
there's nothing more fun than a bunch of nursing students who are quite comfortable with each other passing the dildos around (not using them of course).
good times
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-08-05 06:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My mum went to a candle party once.
Without saying anything, I got the impression she hated it.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-05 06:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i remember tupperware parties that my mother would attend when i was a kid
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-28 19:46:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Complimentary +2 service of http://www.ubersite.com/m/39658
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-24 18:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was taken to a Tupperware party when I was about three or four. Before arrival, my mum told me to be on my best behaviour and not make a sound. So I didn't. Even when the women there said hello to me or asked me a question. I'd just stare back at them blankly, not knowing what to do. They were left with the distinct impression that i was "Special". Such events have been a dirty word in my family ever since.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-07-22 07:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-07-22 01:30:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
next time just tell her you don't want to go. if she cares, tell her to fuck off. stop being such a whiny bitch about something so stupid. it's stupid ass women like you that make these things successful in the first place.
guys don't have a problem with these things because we're not dumbasses about them. if we don't want to do something, we will straight up tell our guy friends.
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Wardy - Cripes! It's just supposed to be a funny situational story about finding yourself having to attend a social event out of a sense of obligation. Sorry you find that so impossible to relate to. Apparently your harsh manly directness is serving you well. I wasn't really in need of communication advice and I am whining about the -2.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-07-22 02:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did you know I was having a candle party?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ponzi_scheme
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-07-22 01:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
next time just tell her you don't want to go. if she cares, tell her to fuck off. stop being such a whiny bitch about something so stupid. it's stupid ass women like you that make these things successful in the first place.
guys don't have a problem with these things because we're not dumbasses about them. if we don't want to do something, we will straight up tell our guy friends.
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2004-07-22 01:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh, Amen. Over the years, I have had the misfortune of being roped into many sales parties. The worst one sold barettes and hair bows. It was full of Pentacostal chicks. The most recent one was a Pampered Chef thing. There you can buy a plastic spoon for 5 bucks. The only good one I went to was a F.U.N. party. That was sex toys. We drank gallons of daquiri and the hostess had her husband strip for us. We played a game of "musical dildoes" in which you use your knees to toss this dong to the next person and they gotta catch it between their knees. If you've got it when the music stops, you're out. Winner got a whole set of hot pink "GEL-E" vibrators.
I hate it when my husband works the night shift. Now I've got myself worked up.
Ferretnose
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-07-22 00:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My roommate back home does party-lite parties. I found myself sitting in my room, rocking back and forth and shotgunning glasses of jack and pepsi.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-07-21 23:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey next Tupperware party you go to can you get me some?
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-07-21 23:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew it. Party-people are terrorists. DAMN THEM ALL!!!