Kill or be killed. (Very fucking long (another dedication post)) (872 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.09 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2004-07-22 00:02:17 EDT
Before today I never realized how hard some people have it..
I woke up at 6:00 AM this morning because my boss, Ray, told me he wanted to get an early start. I walked the dog, brought my still-damp clothes in off of the line, and came back inside to make myself a cup of coffee. While the coffee was brewing, I took a shower. I finished my shower, got dressed, and drank my coffee. As I put my cup in the sink, I heard Ray pull up in his van.
We head back to his house, get the necessary tools, and head to the job. Two bathrooms in a double-wide trailer for a 90 year old couple needed vinyl. We finish one bathroom, and by that time it's 1:30. He has a special-needs child who gets home at anytime from 3:15 to 3:45, and it's almost an hour drive to his house, where I will stay until he is done with the job. I am to baby-sit his nine-year-old PAP (Polish-American-Princess) and his thirteen-year-old special needs kid.
I get to the house, he makes sure I know where everything is and how to get in touch with him in case anything happens, and he leaves. Alyssa, the nine-year-old, begins fucking with me right away. She pulls my carpet knife out of my pouch and starts cutting paper with it.
"Alyssa, don't mess with that."
"Why?"
"Because I cut myself on a fairly regular basis, and I've been trained to use it."
"So? My daddy doesn't cut himself..."
"Well, that could be because he's been using a knife for about ten years longer than I've been alive."
"..."
"And he still cuts himself from time to time..."
It's 3:50. No sign of Amber, the mentally retarded daughter, yet. I'm starting to freak out. As I'm dialing the number of Ray's cell phone, I watch the bus roll by the house and begin to turn around. I greet the bus driver and explain who I am and they give Amber to me.
*Fast-forward two hours of pure hellish torture.*
I'm sitting on the couch watching TV when I hear the sound of a police siren out in front of the house. This is NOT a good thing because Ray has a reputation of being a weapons expert and keeping several very nice guns in his house, most of which are illegal. For instance, he has two MP5-K PDW's. When cops come to his house, they come in numbers. I walk outside with Amber in my arms and Alyssa following me like a puppy.
"Uhh, hello officer..."
"Hi, is everything OK here?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Oh, we got a 9-1-1 call from this address..."
"That was probably Amber, she was playing with the phone earlier and I didn't realize she had dialed anything."
"Ok, well is it OK if I just walk through the house and make sure everything's OK?"
"Yeah, go ahead.. I'm Tim, by the way, a family friend of Ray's and I'm babysitting for him."
He walks in, checks shit out, and stands there for a second.
"You.. you're who? Tom, you say?"
"No, I'm Tim. Tim Heinz. H-E-I-N-Z, and I live in Frankford, Delaware."
"Oh, so what school do you go to? You're in the eleventh grade?"
"Indian River High School, and yeah, I'm going in the eleventh.
"Oh, ok... well you all have a nice day, sorry about the confusion."
"Yeah, you too."
And with that, he's off. It's time to go back to dealing with the hellion and her sister. Amazingly, Alyssa is actually the harder of the two to deal with. An hour later, Ray calls. He tells me that it's cool if I want to make hot dogs on the grill or something, just make sure I cut up whatever I make small enough so Amber can eat it.
I get shit ready and start cooking the dogs. As soon as I turn the grill on, Ray's father and mother pull into the driveway bearing gifts of food, food, and more food. Honestly, this rather pissed me off because I've met Ray SR. before and he doesn't seem to like me, and this showed me that he doesn't think I can care for his grandkids. I accept the food and his business card and finish cooking.
After we're all done eating, I sit down to watch some TV. Not a fucking chance, Alyssa walks into the room saying "Amber went poooooo-pie!"
I've never changed a diaper before in my life, and to be honest, I felt pretty awkward changing one. I especially hate the diaper rash crème. Not only do I hate gooey shit, but I hate putting myself in positions where I could be blamed for some heinous crime. I know Ray would never accuse me of anything like that, but it still freaks me out.
After I change the diaper, I sit back down and resume my previous activity of watching TV. Not a fucking chance. Alyssa walks into the room saying "Ok, now you have to take Amber for a walk."
Not a damned problem, I can walk around with two little girls. It may make me look like a sick bastard, but I can do it.
Not a fucking chance, no way in hell is it going to be that easy.
"You have to put her in the stroller. It's two seats wide, one for me and one for Amber."
I find the "stroller," which is actually just a PLAYSKOOL car with rubber wheels and a handle, but it is, in fact, two seats wide.
I drag the fucker out, load the little ones in, and start walking towards the park. It's a two mile hike, part of which is the ONLY FUCKING HILL on the Eastern Panhandle. Up and fucking down. I have to pull this fucking cart, loaded with almost 150 pounds of annoying brat and cute-but-annoying brat, up and down this fucking hill. Not to mention the two mile walk it is from their house to the park.
We get back and Alyssa IMMEDIATELY orders me to "Cook me some eggs." I refuse until she begs me, and tell her she has to clean the house while I cook her eggs. I make sure I take a long time to cook her gruel, and the house is spotless when I'm done.
First good thing all day. As soon as she finishes eating her egg, she yells "That was good, make me another!!" Once again, I refuse, but this time I stand by my word. Right as she starts screaming at me, Ray calls. I answer "Hello?" just in time for him to hear "You stupid fucking cunt!" come out of his nine-year-old's mouth. He tells me to make her take a shower and to put her in bed immediately.
An hour later, he pulls in the driveway. I've done my best to make his house spotless. I vacuumed, did dishes, washed ash-trays, and organized the mess that was his living room. He is more than pleased and says "Put that you worked for twice as long as you did, you did so well that I'm paying you double." No way. This man is more of a father to me than my own father is. He was the third person aside from doctors and nurses to see me when I was born. I'm not even going to charge him for the day.
My dad shows up about 20 minutes later. He tells me that he has chicken marinating at home. I'm already tired, and I can't walk a straight line to save my life, so I say "Well if you don't want to cook it, I'll just pass out when I get home.."
He flipped the fuck out.
"WHAT? SO NOW YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE? I FUCKING DID THIS SHIT FOR YOU AND YOU DON'T CARE? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, TIM!"
Oh well, I can deal with it. For the entire 20 minute ride home, I have to listen to him repeating himself ten, twenty, thirty times about something I knew before he did. He wants me to change the tire on a van we just got tagged, because he took the spare out of the truck when the van got a flat. No big deal, except I didn't know which tire he wanted changed. I ask him and what does he do?
He flipped the fuck out.
"WHAT? I'LL DO THE MOTHERFUCKER MY DAMN SELF IF YOU DON"T WANT TO HELP. FUCK YOU, TIM, FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!"
I'm practically steaming from the ears at this point, so I storm outside and start on the tire. Less than three minutes later, he comes outside and says "Whoa... You got 'er done FAST, boy."
"Dad, my name is Tim. Not 'Boy.'"
"Why the fuck're you yellin' at me?"
"I'm not, but I'm fucking tired of you not knowing my name."
I'm crying at this point. He walks away and I start spinning lugnuts with everything I have in me. Every ounce of strength I have went into the cast iron tire iron. It snapped. It's only three years old, and I snapped it in half. It's shaped like a plus sign (+). This is where I flip out, pull the 24-inch-long 2x6 out from under the jack, which was still holding the van up, and throw it during the peak of my adrenaline rush. It went a good 90 feet, and I packed the shit up, got the board, and put it all away.
I tried to mesh this into an idea of what my life is like and the new experience I had today. I never knew the kind of pain that Ray had to go through each day, all day.
His wife, Jill, was admitted into the rehab center for her addiction to pills.
His oldest daughter is a bitch and does not help around the house.
His second daughter is mentally retarded.
His youngest daughter is a bitch-in-the-making.
He is 39 years old and has been through hell and back. Thrice.
He works with a 48 year old alcoholic asshole (my dad.)
The man can still smile. I love him as more than a friend. He is a father to me.
I'm proud of you, Ray, for what you go through and how you handle it.
(dedicated to my long-time family friend, mentor, and godfather.)
User Reviews
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2004-11-22 11:42:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-06 20:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by negative_twoer_of_fetish (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-03 07:38:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus fucking christ, what is WRONG with you people? Is a negative rating THAT important to you? Do you know something I don't about how to exchange a +2 for goods and services?
Submitted by Fetish_Fucking_Sucks (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-07-23 11:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-23 11:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That kinda sucks.
Submitted by Mozilla (user info) at 2004-07-22 19:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-07-22 07:51:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
...and then I pressed the rate this item button and when the next screen loaded I clicked on the down arrow thingy and selected -2 from the drop down menu and then I write some words in the little box and pressed the button labled Rank.
Submitted by stonedsilly at 2004-07-22 14:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking fuckers, die die die.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-07-22 07:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...and then I pressed the rate this item button and when the next screen loaded I clicked on the down arrow thingy and selected -2 from the drop down menu and then I write some words in the little box and pressed the button labled Rank.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-07-22 07:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-22 07:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-22 00:08:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
Too fuckin long........
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-22 00:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Too fuckin long........
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-22 00:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
haha