i am a premature ejaculator (1506 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MonsieurPrickle (View user info) at 2004-07-22 12:44:00 EDT
inspired by apollo's confession of impotence i thought i'd better come out of the closet and admit to my own embarrassing sexual complaint.
actually, to be honest, i am no longer a premature ejaculator. if i still was i obviously wouldn't have the guts to write a post about it.
but there WAS a grim period, many years ago, when i did suffer from that dreadful condition.
i'd stick my cock in my girlfriend and almost immediately ejaculate. that's about all i can remember from that dark era, i think i must have suppressed the memories. except i remember we never talked about it.
i do remember the beginning of the cure though. my condition had driven me into celibacy for about 500 years, apart from one botched and humiliating attempt. but then a girl i really really genuinely liked, felt real affection and friendliness for, came to stay for a couple of weeks. i had a constant painful erection almost the whole time but was still too fearful and pathetic to make a move on her, even when we were washing each other's hair in bathrobes.
finally by some miracle she joined me in my bed, apparently scared of ghosts in her bedroom. there was a long period of hand holding in the darkness, then suddenly she was naked and rubbing her glorious body up and down my naked body. after about twenty seconds i came all over her.
BUT the key thing was i just decided to let myself go and enjoy it - inspired by the words of a feral hippy mate that came back to me: "i came in her hair by accident - it was beautiful"
she complained about being covered in my spoof, but it was all quite jovial and my days as a fearful premature ejaculator were over.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-09-19 19:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"many years ago"
Yeah, right.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-09-19 19:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
go masturbate and practise so you can last
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-19 19:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stacenbass (user info) at 2004-07-22 17:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by rallyxe (user info) at 2004-07-22 17:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need my hair washed.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-07-22 17:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It happens to the best of us..
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-07-22 17:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't get it. So you're the type of non-premature ejaculator that ejaculates after 20 seconds? Sorry, I didn't know there was such thing.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2004-07-22 17:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hehhehehee
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-22 14:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pete! It's "I am a premature Pete!"
That would have earned you a +2
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-22 14:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So you're the guy all the girls laugh about.
kidding.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-07-22 13:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spunky.
Submitted by MrPrickle (user info) at 2004-07-22 12:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck! why did i so arrogantly say "my days as a premature ejaculator were over" why did'nt i add "touch wood" (no pun intended) after that statement???????
now its bound to start all over again.
fuck.
oh, hang on! it doesn't matter!
i'm married!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-07-22 12:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this rather a lot.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-07-22 12:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You washed her hair? You sexy bitch.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-22 12:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, Insane, I think we talked about this, no?
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-07-22 12:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the point of sex WAS ejaculation?!111 Who cares about how long it takes?1? You seem to feel like it's important that the woman enjoy it too!1
Seriously though, I thought I had this conversation with someone a while back.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-07-22 12:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this post on all levels, old boy.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-22 12:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your Mom is gay.