Cursing the Braves (513 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.6 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Thanatos (View user info) at 2004-07-22 14:59:36 EDT
It started out innocently enough. Wednesday afternoon, around two o'clock, and we're all done with classes. SO being the normal college guys we are, myself along with three friends start drinking. We tore through about two cases of beer and a bottle of Jack Daniels in about no time at all. It was your normal drunken college afternoon. I slowed down on the drinking a bit, but one of my buddies, Tom, starting doing shots. Shots of pretty much anything he had laying around. Shots of tequila, whiskey, bourbon, vodka, you name it, he had a bottle in his liquor cabinet. He also decided to try making whiskey sours by doing a shot of whiskey, then a shot of sour mix.
It was getting to be around 8 PM by this time and somebody suggested a Hardee's run. We all pile into a vehicle and head over there, being drunken jackasses as per usual. When we got there we were in line behind a middle aged woman, ugly as hell, and a stuck up bitch. She ordered a chicken sandwich, so the cashier asked 'would you like to get a value basket' or whatever the fuck they have.
Old Bitch: What's in a value basket?
Cashier: Fries and a medium drink.
Old Bitch: ...Fries...? ....and a medium drink...?
At this point Tom is getting pissed. He always bitches about fast food not being fast enough, and how they should've had like eight cashiers to take his order immediately. He started telling us all this while complaining about the old bitch in a really loud voice. After a few nasty looks she gets her order, and we proceed to get our half pound burgers. We're chowing down on our massive burgers when Tom sees this little short, scrawny guy wearing a Braves jersey.
Tom is the most hardcore baseball fan ever. He has three fucking tattoos for different baseball teams, logos, etc. And he absolutely loathes the Atlanta Braves. Being that the alcohol has lowered all inhibitions, he promptly gets up from our table, walks over to the guy and tells him, 'Fuck the god-damned cunt licking Braves. I'd fuck those fucking goat fuckers in the ass with a god damned chainsaw. '
We're just staring at him aghast. The kid looks like he's going to cry, and the manager came running out of the back to find out what was going on. Then Old Bitch arrived on the scene. She screamed 'Leave my son alone,' and started hitting Tom with her purse. We grabbed Tom and got the hell out of there.
What Tom in his drunken stupor hadn't noticed was that what he took for a scrawny, short guy was in actuality a twelve year old. He also didn't know that there was a local Little League tournament that weekend, and the Braves were one of the teams playing in it.
User Reviews
Submitted by MyNameIsGary (user info) at 2004-07-23 23:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-07-23 10:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-07-22 15:22:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good story. That kid deserved it. How dare he wear a Braves jersey.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-07-22 15:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Tom is the most hardcore baseball fan ever. He has three fucking tattoos for different baseball teams, logos, etc..."
Tom is a pussy. Real baseball fans root for one team and one team only.
Submitted by Sambuca310 (user info) at 2004-07-22 15:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
quite hilarious