Vegans: Pwned (1370 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.82 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Boogiefevuh <cowpower.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-25 16:50:34 EDT
Let me start by saying, if you are Vegan, and would be offended by me bashing them, read on. Or drink antifreeze. Now for the feature presentation:
A few weeks back, I had the utter horror of coming across the most atrociously decorated vehicle I have ever seen.
In a parking lot at the mall, I saw a car with certain offensive bumper stickers. I can see it now...those damn dirty preachy vegetarians picking these bumper stickers out, saying to themselves between flavorless bites of salad and tofu, "These will be sure to save a few animals, and look at how clever the message is!"
These bumper stickers read, from order least offensive to most, "Meat is murder, murder is a sin," "Go VEGAN!" and, the clincher, "Friends don't let friends drink milk." That last one really made me upset.
Short of turning green and smashing the object of my irritation, something had to be done.
"Something has to be done!" I proclaimed.
Thankfully, my girlfriend gave me the subtle but practical idea of leaving them an insulting note. I found this to be much more reasonable than my previous thought of purchasing a 30 pound slab of rawhide and hurling it through the windshield.
So I mischievously scuttle back to my own vehicle, and arm myself with a pen and paper. After a couple seconds of pondering, I decide it's best to write them a poem, which was as follows:
"You're beat;
Eat meat!
Don't you think that this is true:
If a cow could, he'd eat you?"
Followed by a menacing drawing of a cow devouring the vegan and their loved ones. The note was stuck under their windshield wiper, facing inward. I bet that bastard dropped his salad all over the place when he saw that and realized I was right.
Vegans: pwned!
User Reviews
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2004-08-27 17:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to proofread more... especially during punchlines...
This logic could ONLY be from the brilliant lojope, herself... or some 1st grader.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2004-08-27 17:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually Tom, don't mistake vegans with vegetarians. Vegetarians abstain from meat for like health purposes, but vegans take it to a near-religious(sometimes religious) level. Real vegans also avoid things other than food that are derived from animals, like clothing.
In their defense, the last time I saw vegans, they were saying something different from popular thought. They were saying that what bothers them isn't so much the death of animals but their suffering and maltreatment in the farms.
"Seriously though, do they know that if farmers didn't milk their cows that all the cows would die? And if no one drank milk, no one would buy milk, and if no one bought milk, farmers would stop milking their cows. And the whole population of cows would eventually die. Except maybe the ones in India... "
Yeah, this logic could be from the brilliant lojope, herself... or some 1st grader.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You're beat;
Eat meat!
Don't you think that this is true:
If a cow could, he'd eat you?"
Followed by a menacing drawing of a cow devouring the vegan and their loved ones. The note was stuck under their windshield wiper, facing inward. I bet that bastard dropped his salad all over the place when he saw that and realized I was right.
Vegans: pwned!
Hilarious.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well you know my name is Simon and I like to do drawrings
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-25 21:06:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 because i liked it
+1 for me, who once at the mall saw some asshole bumper sticker on a minivan:
"Real Men Love Jesus"
I responded by taping a sign next to it that said "Real Men Don't Drive Minivans"
I kick ass.
----------------------------
Good sir, my hat is off to you.
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-07-26 02:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I lost a lot of money in Las Vegans
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-07-26 02:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a former vegetarian, I want to say: meat is murder.
As a former vegetarian, I want to say: murder is not always a bad thing.
Five years of shocking farts and what do I have to show for it?
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-07-26 00:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PETA. Filling our need for supercillious a-holes for decades. If I ever decide to commit suicide, I'll begin to eat THEM.
Submitted by Tex (user info) at 2004-07-25 21:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont think all vegans are bad. im friends with a bunch. but its those SOBs who really piss me off. +1 for makin me laugh and another +1 for stickin it to 'em.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-25 21:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 because i liked it
+1 for me, who once at the mall saw some asshole bumper sticker on a minivan:
"Real Men Love Jesus"
I responded by taping a sign next to it that said "Real Men Don't Drive Minivans"
I kick ass.
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-07-25 20:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ARGHHHH!!!!! VEGANS!!!!!
(blood boiling)
Too... much... hate.... throbbing... through... my... veins...
Can't think straight enough to bash vegans right now. Besides, Maddox already pwned them all over the place.
Fucking tofu whores.
Submitted by Jaineix (user info) at 2004-07-25 20:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For some reason I can't get the word "Scuttle" out of my head now...my coworkers are going to hate you tomorrow when all I do is scuttle around work.
Submitted by Marauder (user info) at 2004-07-25 20:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for slamming veggies
But I beleive that a BIG MAC (or and other fast food whad of brown meat)
under the windsheild wiper gets far better results then paper and pen.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-25 20:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
vegans don't make sense. my favorite historical fact is that when humans (or the man-monkeys we were back then) started eating meat our brains became bigger shortly thereafter. it was eating meat, far more energy dense than vegetables, that allowed our bodies to support a larger brain.
therefore:
vegetarians = slow
vegans = goddamndirtyhippies
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-07-25 18:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember kids, vegans are as good as emo punks, who are as good as nazis, who are as baby killers. You don't want to be a baby killer do you?
Ok maybe baby killer is a job that some of us have applied for, bad metaphor.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-07-25 18:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Even the effort was horrible.
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2004-07-25 17:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate PETA.
Submitted by KevinHo (user info) at 2004-07-25 17:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
...said the monkey to the fly
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-25 17:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hahaha I like vegans but this was funny.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-07-25 17:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Its just a way of eating"
You have obviously never met a vegan, have you?
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-25 17:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's just a way of eating.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-07-25 17:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pretty stupid.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-25 16:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Save a plant
Eat a cow
I want meat
I want it now
I'm gonna eat it 'cause it's red
I'm gonna eat it 'cause it's dead
Maybe I should eat it raw
Let the blood run down my jaw
I'd eat people if it was legal
I'd eat people if it was legal!!!"
Ahh Reel Big Fish...
Seriously though, do they know that if farmers didn't milk their cows that all the cows would die? And if no one drank milk, no one would buy milk, and if no one bought milk, farmers would stop milking their cows. And the whole population of cows would eventually die. Except maybe the ones in India...
Submitted by maggot (user info) at 2004-07-25 16:53:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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