Here today, gonorrhea tomorrow (547 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.3 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <joecorcoran.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-26 10:56:22 EDT
For the past week or so, my dick has been uncomfortable. I'd wake each morning to a pained and pitiful look from under the bedsheets (and it's hard to do 'pained and pitiful' with only one eye). So today I bit the bullet and went to the doctor. I hadn't told anyone I was going. I don't really get embarrassed about this sort of thing but sometimes you just want privacy, right? Plus nobody wants to say "See ya, Mum. I'm going to get my cock inspected." So I phoned the surgery quietly and left after my mother had driven to the hairdressers (on a Monday morning. Aren't you supposed to be in work or something?).
I've always hated the doctor's waitng room. The old people that congregate there are always coughing and sneezing and I swear more diseases are spread than cured in there. So I sat at the back of the room, just hoping my name would be called quickly when I noticed a woman in a navy blue cardigan looking over at me from a seat opposite. I was sure I knew her but I couldn't place the face. She would NOT stop staring. A full 25 minutes later, my name was called and I half-ran into the doctor's surgery. Talking to a middle-aged man while he touched my knob seemed somehow preferential to being stared to death.
As I leave the surgery, antibiotics in hand, this woman is still looking at me and the internal monologue hits me - "She was your headteacher in primary school. And she's a fucking NUN! Don't look back, fool! She'll want to know what dirty, dirty things you've been up to!!"
Disturbed by this, my first brush with catholic sadism in years, I hurried along the road and took out the pills I had been prescribed. 'Take four each day for seven days'. I was still reading the instructions as I crossed the road. The traffic lights were in my favour so I was annoyed to hear a driver beeping at me. I didn't look up. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
"Fuck off! The lights are... oh. Hi Mum. Nice hair."
User Reviews
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-07-26 14:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, nice story. For some reason the word 'knob' always makes me laugh...
The nun probably just recognized you and expected you to say hi, schmuck.
Oh, and ignore wijormiclat, he's just bitter because he's a bitch and nobody likes him.
Submitted by hummer_please <joecorcoran.at.gmail.com> at 2004-07-26 13:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cheers everyone
the -2 guy: the story of how i got it is really not worth telling - i had sex and now i'm sore. i'll have to tell her about it though...
Submitted by MrFunions (user info) at 2004-07-26 13:24:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will give you a +2 just in case someone comes and gives you a -2 for something you said in a completely different place. Sort of like they did me.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-07-26 12:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn, at least you caught it before it had to be amputated
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should've told us how you got STDs instead of how you treated them. I really don't care.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The shame, the shame...
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny title
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A plus 2 from one newbie to the next. Just keep following the rules and don't fuck up or we'll let you know about it.
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow. A whole lot just happened in those 3 paragraphs.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Newbie
I used to hate all fucking newbies.
Now I hate all newbies but you.
+2.
Love,
Alahackbar.