The best toilet in town (422 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.6 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Money Shot (View user info) at 2004-07-26 11:55:56 EDT
I was 16 at the time. I don't know if that makes what I did worse or better now looking back on it. The activity of a 16 year old in a village with nothing to do was either get stoned, get drunk or masturbate to porn. Now, I had already cleaned the pipes so badly that my balls looked like a screwed up crisp packet, I didn't have any pot, I couldn't get any pot, but I could get alcohol.
Luckily my parents had a nice healthy supply of spirits. My dad is a site manager and with that, all the cronies that work on the site give him bottles of whisky for Christmas. My dad doesn't drink whisky, neither does my mum. I do.
After successfully stealing a fine bottle of whisky, I made my way to a friends house. We always used to commune at his house because his parents were laid back. They let us smoke in his room, drink and do pretty much what we liked as long as we respected their authority.
We used to have a group that would get pissed every weekend. With a bottle of whisky and beer, we were in pure heaven. Now, none of us were proper whisky drinkers. We couldn't sit there and sup it, we had to do shots. 5 of you doing shots on a bottle of whisky as well as beers at the age of 16 was good going. It always ends in tears.
After the bottle we drank we ended up going on a mission. Nothing like James bond or shit, just havoc. I was and still am a cocky kid. Now there was this one kid from a year older. He was fat and had a hair cut which would contest Shirley bassys perm. I didn't like him. I didn't know him. That did me fine.
Walking past his house I suddenly had the urge to drop my guts. I really couldn't be bothered to make it back to my friends house.
The only thing I could do was to poo in public. Not in a public restroom that would be classy, no I was to poo in an open environment. I couldn't decide were to defecate, seeing as this is such a hard decision to make. But out the corner of my eye I could see a light, it was like to light beaming now from heaven with a magical voice saying "Shit here Chris...Shit here". Actually, it was more like a security light with my mate telling me to shit over there. On perm boys doorstep.
I successfully curled one out on his doorstep. The most horrific turd I have ever seen. To cap it off I couldn't find any leafs big enough to wipe my grubby ass. So off comes my 100% pure cotton boxers. It was the best wiping ass experience I have every had, so smooth, so soft. They must have been taken down from the security light in the morning.
I could of just Shat in a bag and put a flame to it, but that's a bit too Billy Madison.
User Reviews
Submitted by zeGerman (user info) at 2004-07-26 13:10:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Two words Ben Bryant
Submitted by money_shot (user info) at 2004-07-26 13:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice one norman.
Submitted by mrgoggleeyes <mrgoggleeyes.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-07-26 12:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is complete and utter rubbish don't waste my time skinny boy
Submitted by mrgoggleeyes <mrgoggleeyes.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-07-26 12:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-07-26 12:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
drinking a shitting, i can relate
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-26 12:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As long as it wasn't the soup.
Linkwhore to a post that isn't mine: http://www.ubersite.com/m/39486
Submitted by sunjunkie04 (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:59:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Underage drinking is fun.
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2004-07-26 11:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you shat in public?
Haven't we all?