Because The Future Is Uber (1050 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.76 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by gamma (View user info) at 2004-07-26 16:53:35 EDT
The year is 2029. The planet known as Earth is but a memory in the minds of humanity. Since the arrival of the 21st century, the residents of Earth, as well as the planet itself, had been facing tribulations of enormous proportions. Mankind's thirst for advancement had infallibly led to laziness, stupidity, and ultimately, the destruction of their own planet.
The world had never seen technological advancements made at a rate as it did between 2010 and 2015. The Japanese had developed intelligent robots capable of listening to commands and acting on them. The robots had the ability to learn tasks, and attribute them to commands given by the owner. The Americans had developed cars capable of going 200 miles an hour, and was invincible to collisions. With all that was being developed, the demise of mankind began.
The creation and upkeep of all the technological devices had taken quite a toll on Earth's natural resources. A group of Environmental Engineers formed throughout the world pleaded with governments to stop their actions so that the planet would have a chance to replenish its supply. By their calculations, the Earth would run out resources by 2028. The leaders of the major countries scoffed their claims and did not listen to their warnings. This proved to be a very poor choice in judgement.
Come the year 2022, the presidents, prime ministers, kings, and various other types of leaders of countries began to realize that the claims of the group of engineers had truth in it. It was too late. It was estimated that by 2028, there would be nothing left on Earth for mankind to live off of. All the nations of the Earth agreed to combine strengths, and begin a major project to move to and populate another planet.
As there are were no viable planets in Earth's solar system, the goal was to build a series of ships large enough to house a population of 100,000 people while the ships wandered the universe in search of a habitable planet. Humanity had never witnessed such a strong collaborative effort. A method of travelling at a speed 500 miles/second less than that of light was developed. Alas, by the end of the year 2027, only one working prototype had been successfully built. There was not enough time to produce more vessels.
The leaders of each country in the world convened to decide who was to go on the ship. It was agreed upon, unselfishly, that it would not be good for each of the leaders to go, as it would spark too much political debate, as well as power struggle, resulting in failure. A much simpler hierarchy had to be chosen. Then it was found: Ubersite. The participants of Ubersite met every criteria set by the world's leaders.
First of all, there is one person who is the highest power. He is known as Bart. This website also incorporated people from every country. The range in intelligence varied from completely moronic to above intelligent. The moronic, including people such as LilMiss69, were needed to do the chores, cook the food, whatever odd jobs the higher ups could give them. There are engineers present, such as Fetish and Lawryde. They are needed to surveil the functionality of the ship, as well as lead the team of mechanics, electricians, and others to do their jobs. Next, there are the brutes with military experience that are there to force the law down the citizen's throats. This position is held by names such as AlahAckbar, GodChicken, BuckeyesTHEGAME, and Hidden101. Of course, anyone found to be breaking the law will need proper legal consequences. This is the job for many, including the one they call Method. For the entertainment factor, the online community has characters such as ComicBookGuy who seems to attract comical happenings wherever he goes. There were also sex fiends, such as Shark25. The population is also sexually diverse, including people like Whataefag and Zoidberg. The women, are there because...well, how can you populate a planet without women? In the ranks of women, there are individuals such as Lojope, munkeypants, corn_nugget, loki, Ainkara, and many more. All in all, Ubersite was chosen because it was a fair representation of everyone on Earth.
The launch date was set. Happening on January 1st, 2029, the brave and lucky souls of Uber embarked on a new journey, leaving the rest of humanity behind to die. Once the ship out of the Earth's atmosphere, the masses gathered at windows to have one last glance at the place they called home.
"I'm going to miss that place", said Lojope.
"Get over it. We're going to live", replied Fetish as he gave her a slap on the ass.
And thus, their adventure began.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 07:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, meh.
You have all these groups of people, and then some random women with the sole purpose of procreation.
LET ME GUESS YOUR GENDER
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-23 12:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-02 23:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-31 10:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin awesome, I missed this too
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 19:23:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this???
I better end up having animal sex with at least 3 guys.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-07-28 13:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Har har jiner!
Readin' through the series, cause somehow I missed it.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-28 13:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for lack of Will Zone.
"the whole if you have candy, you better have enough candy for everyone in the room" rule.
give me a cameo and kill me off if need be.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-28 13:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this? Awesome.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for including me and not being a tool.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Get over it. We're going to live", replied Fetish as he gave her a slap on the ass.
I lost it right there. Milk out the nose and everything.
I'm not even drinking milk.
Can I have a giant baton that is shaped like a peener, so I can beat down the stupid people when they bitch about how shitty their lives are?
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-07-26 22:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright, I'll make a note on those who wish to appear on the next installement.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-07-26 20:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only problem with this post is that I do not appear in it.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-07-26 18:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oooh.. or Method's. That could work, too.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-07-26 18:43:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesomeness.
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Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-07-26 17:19:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Please make this a series :D
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Consider this second..ed
Or something.
I wanna be in it, though. You MUST put me in it. I wanna be shitfuck's bitch!
:D
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-07-26 18:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think that there would be enough make-work to keep all of the idiots busy. We'd probably strangle most of them the second day out.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-26 18:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome...thanks for the mention
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-26 18:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for stealing my dreams
-1 for not mentioning me
Thats just how it goes.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-26 18:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, i'll never be The Man. that's just not me.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-07-26 18:01:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Burn: I'll probably make it a series once I dream up some more ideas
jme: sure, lets bring all the alcohol
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-07-26 17:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't use choppy sentences if they don't contribute to the feeling of the story, they make the reading of it extremely difficult and choppy, I literally had to blink and close my eyes at one point to refocus.
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-07-26 17:19:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please make this a series :D
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-26 17:13:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do we get to take the planets entire alcohol supply with us?
I mean they are all going to die anyways right?
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-07-26 17:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-26 17:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
k, good stuff. take me too, i'm a nerd. you need nerds. we can be very useful.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-26 17:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a plan. Will all Uberpeople be on this flight? That's gotta be a big-ass spaceship!
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-26 17:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this fucking kicks ass
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-07-26 16:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha shark. I wrote that because it seems like every post I've read from you contained something sexual.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-26 16:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am a sex fiend?