Urban legends: The GAYDAR (844 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.56 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Akegata <akegata.at.bluebottle.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-27 04:54:56 EDT
Throughout my life, I've heard rumors of the amazing gaydar, the piece of extra-equipment that is bestowed upon homosexuals. This lovely gadget is supposed to make them know who's gay and who's straight. Wel, at least who's gay. The legend of the "gaydar" is what makes superstitious homophobes sleep well at night. Gay people won't make a move on them because the gaydar will label them as straight. Most homophobes, it is said, are afraid of gay people for no reason. Gay people have never tried making a move on them, yet they live in fear.
Guess what? These homophobes have reason to live in fear. I'll tell you why:
(Fanfare and drum roll, please!)
The "GAYDAR" does not exist.
Or so I think, if it does exist, it's got several bugs to be worked out. Perhaps most gay people can't even afford it, so they'll have to run some shabby beta version with a crack that doesn't work.
The first experience I've had involving a defect gaydar was when an American hippie-kinda guy introduced me to a friend of his. Some middle-aged, obese dude. A while after the conversation, I learned that he was gay and considered me hot. (Just a note, I'm not middle-aged.) The geezer wanted fresh meat. Fresh, sraight meat to boot!
Two friends of mine (both straight) went out to go clubbing, and a swedish homosexual tried picking them up.
The most crazy episode was when a close to dead-drunk guy tried picking up me and a friend of mine. We were standing outside a club, conversing. Then he stands next to us, gazing. SUddenly, he starts talking to us:
Drunk: Hey guysh, wanna go to a quiet placshe?
(We wondered if he was talking to us.)
Me: No, I don't think so.
Drunk: C'mon, let'sh go to some place and cuddle. Or just go for a walk.
Us: Sorry, we're a bit busy.
Drunk: Well, I'm going (looooong break) there.
Us: Okay, have a nice walk.
I don't know whether or not alcohol weakens the gaydar, but the middle-aged dude who considered me hot was certainly not drunk...
In other words. Straight homophobes, you cannot sleep safe and sound yet. The gaydar is but a legend, an urban myth. Watch it, a guy man might be checking you out right now. With his gay-o-scope maybe, but certainly not his gaydar.
It's just a lie!
User Reviews
Submitted by Akegata (user info) at 2004-07-28 04:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that true? An actual gaydar device? Homo uniforms'd be much better, and much more fun!
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-07-27 12:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember a couple years back about a guy who tried to invent an actual Gaydar device. Like those stupid video games that can sense when another one is near, and the game is on.
I never heard of it coming out on the market, but you can imagine that someone might use it for evil purposes (i.e. easily finding gays to bash).
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2004-07-27 09:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
" >10000 user = auto -2 "
You're serious aren't you? Jesus.
Anyway, it seems to me their gaydar is just not as strong as your denial. You hom.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-07-27 07:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of the greatest homophobes I've met turned out to be some of the faggiest folk I've met, too.
A lot of gay people know straight peener when they see it, but because of their overpowering homoness, they'll keep nagging and nagging, hoping to turn a straight peener into a gay peener.
It's not working on me, Fetish.
Submitted by Akegata (user info) at 2004-07-27 07:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting... So booze and girth is the kryptonite. I'd like to see more queers wearing spandex. That's solve the gaydar thing as well... All queers shall wear spandex! Make it a law. In winter they might wear a combination of leather and spandex. If they like.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-07-27 07:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gaydar is alive and well.
It's a superpower, much akin to flying and X-ray vision, actually alot like X-ray vision; good ol' gay-vision.
Like all superpowers, it has its Kryptonite - and that is booze, and being a fat old fag.
That'll do it.
Submitted by Punk-not-dead (user info) at 2004-07-27 07:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I aM Teh sEx!
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-07-27 06:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its because you fuckers shop at GAP and Banana Republic.
Those are OUR fucking stores. Go back to flannel already
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-07-27 06:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good idea queen... Also, we can test vaccine effectiveness for biological weapons like Ebola.
So far: 0% success rate.
Submitted by Sofa_Queen (user info) at 2004-07-27 05:11:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job Method.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-27 05:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
>10000 user = auto -2
Submitted by Sofa_Queen (user info) at 2004-07-27 05:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alot of chicks like to believe that they have "gaydar". For some unknown reason, chicks feel like every gay guy is their best friend, and that they can recognize a gay guy a mile away. I don't get it.
We definately need to do some scientific research on gay people. Lets lock them in cages and jab them with needles until we figure it all out. And while they're there, we can test out all those products we used to test on animals. Poor animals.