Did Jehovah Wtiness Your Ass-Whoopin'? (608 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.78 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chris Linehart <chriscutis.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-27 10:40:14 EDT
Now I will share with all of uber a hilarious event from middle school that my friends and I will always remember and laugh at.
My town has a lot of Jevohah's witnesses, like 35% of the population at least. So these bastards were always popping up at your house preaching, I like to think that is partly the source of some of the anger let loose here...
There was this kid in my grade from kindergarten until the end of 8th grade. Brett Hallak(real name), the red headed Jehovah's witness. He usually wore sweat pants and a Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt(it was old and the image was all stretched out over his portly belly). As a Jehovah's witness he always bitched with teachers about stupid shit. Science with him was the worst, he was always either preaching his beliefs, chewing on his nails till they bled, or making strange guttural sounds.
He had annoyed the hell out of all of us for years, so when we saw the opportunity to exact revenge, we took it.
Eighth grade, gym class, the usual gym teacher was out and in his place we had Mr. Emmett, a Vietnam vet who still believed in manly men and no bullshit.
Since we had a substitute we got to do whatever we wanted, which ended up being football. The fun began when Dane(the kid who got antiqued in my previous post) passed the ball to Brett, who was on the other team. As soon as the pigskin made contact with his fingers, Dane tackled Brett to the ground. Once down, Dane punched him a few times in the back of the head, then stood back up proud of his accomplishment. Then the rest of us got in on it since Brett made no sign of getting up. We jumped on him, kicked him, punched him, jumped in the air and spiked the ball on him, and just overall beat his ass.
Then we continued playing, while Brett continued to lie on the ground. Mr. Emmett walked over to him and we were sure we would get in all kinds of trouble. But...
Brett: "I think my arm is broken."
Mr. Emmett: "Don't be a pussy Brett, walk it off!"
Brett: "I think I'm pretty hurt here..."
Mr. Emmett: "Pussy!"
So we laughed our asses off to say the least. Then the bell rang and we went to our next class. Three periods later he was still lying out there, and someone remarked "Someone's gotta go clean up the carcass."
The next day Brett came into school covered with band-aids and his arm in a cast. No one signed it. He left the school at the end of the year, without coming in for the last couple weeks or taking finals.
Last I heard he thinned out and actually looks decent these days.
http://www.envoymagazine.com/backissues/1.4/images/jw.gif (0 bytes) [application/octet-stream]
User Reviews
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-07-28 08:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And another because as you probably noticed, Jehovah witnesses fuckin' piss me off.
I can't wait for the day one will come knocking at my door.
Blood will ensue.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anoter +2 because one of my friends nearly went nuts after his mom slitted her wrist in right his face because "she wasn't good enough for Jehovah".
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My parents were in that religion when I was a kid. I was about 4 when they converted.
I hated that shit more than anyone else. To a point that I fuckin' went nuts and started vandalizing my tiny town to show my mom how I hated her stupid crap. At the age of 10, I started breaking into houses, stealing cars for night rides and I was turning seriously violent with my school comrades who teased me about it. I tried to stab a girl with a pencil when I was 8.
They finally realized it was better to let me out when I was 11. I turned back to normal afterward.
If the kid wouldn't have liked his religion I would have -2 this to death because I know how it sucks to be dragged in that horseshit against your will. It's like your parents would give you and handicapp on purpose for the kids to laugh at.
But since the kid liked his sect, he deserved it. In my family, only one of my brothers is still in that shit and he doesn't talk to us because we're 'evil'. Good riddance fucker ! He's an egoistical asshole, jehovah witness or not.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-27 15:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha.. those JW's wake me up with their Jesus crap all the time...
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-07-27 14:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Oh jeez, I'm so proud! (He's my alias you know!)
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-07-27 12:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AlahAckbar
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Damn, judging by how other people talk about you, that really means something"
Talk about who?
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-07-27 10:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, judging by how other people talk about you, that really means something. Alas I can't take too much credit for the beating, I only kicked him a few times. And I just now noticed I spelled witness wrong in the title.. shit...
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-07-27 10:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shit, that was pretty damn mean. You get a +1 for this gem though:
'Brett: "I think my arm is broken."
Mr. Emmett: "Don't be a pussy Brett, walk it off!"
Brett: "I think I'm pretty hurt here..."
Mr. Emmett: "Pussy!"'
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-27 10:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW! Your an asshole!
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-07-27 10:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not sure why the link didn't work.. here's the page the picture is on
http://www.envoymagazine.com/backissues/1.4/jul_augstory1.html