Because The Future Is Uber - Part II (907 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.96 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by gamma (View user info) at 2004-07-27 11:02:03 EDT
Part 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/39530
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It had been three months since the ship had taken off. Communication with Earth had ceased two weeks earlier. Only the worst could be assumed. Things had been quite uneventful on the ship, and people were going about their day to day business. Once in a while, you would see a group of teenaged girls scream "Oh my God! Snuggles, is that you?"
Jobs and responsibilities had been delegated to everyone by Bart. One particular individual, by the name of Hidden101, was discontent with the role bestowed upon him. Bart had designated him and AlahAckbar to lead the team in charge of enforcing the laws. To drown out his sorrows, Hidden101 spent most of his time at the ship's bar.
On what would have been April 2nd 2029 on Earth, Hidden101 once again walked into the familiar bar. Upon entering, he spotted JMG114 at a table with a petite brunette. He was spewing off some information about how he use to run a company that took old cell phones and put them on their own network. Hidden101 took a seat at the bar.
The bartender was standing with her back to Hidden101 as she was inspecting the remainder of the supplies that had been rationed for the day. She was wearing high heels, a short black leather skirt, and a sexy white top. Hidden 101 cleared his throat. The bartender turned around leaned on the bar, exposing he wonderous cleavage, and spoke in a seductive voice.
"Hey there big boy, what can I get you today?"
"Hi jme7551. It's been a particularly bad day today. Give me a Jack on the rocks."
"Sure honey, comin' right up."
A boy ran into the bar with golden locks flowing behind his head, equipped with a European carry-all. The boy approached Hidden101 and spoke.
"Hi sir, my name is Tom. Would you like to buy a copy of today's newspaper?"
"Sure", replied Hidden101, handing the boy fifty cents.
On the title page of the paper, the headlines read: "Man mauled by an EnragedBaboon". Below this, there was a poorly drawn picture of a person wearing a Spiderman costume. In front of the man was a large baboon, hanging from a tree with an ice cream cone in his hand. It is worthy to be noted that the tree was equipped with a penis. In the bottom right corner, the picture was signed Habeeb Thomas.
The bartender returned with Hidden101's drink, when suddenly, a warm, soothing, almost nurturing voice emitted a message from the intercom. "Hello citizens of Uber. This is your captain Bart Cilfone speaking. We are approaching a planet which is potentially habitable. More details will be provided to you in the near future. For now, I request that AlahAckbar, Hidden101, and GodChicken report to the Captain's deck. One last thing...PEENER!", and with that, the voice disappeared.
"What the fuck does he want now?" said Hidden101 as he drank the contents of the glass in front of him.
As he walked away, jme7551 could not help but look at the man's behind.
Bart was sitting in a hot tub. Along his side, there were two females. The first, Lojope was fanning him with a giant palm leaf. Beside her was munkeypants, who was feeding him some grapes. A door opened, and Hidden101 walked in, followed by AlahAckbar and GodChicken.
"Hello gentlemen. I have new jobs to assign to all of you." said Bart.
"Better not be another shitty job." muttered Hidden101.
Bart ignored the comment and turned towards the pilot.
"Nerfherder, how long until we reach the planet?"
"Two days sir."
Bart turned back to the three men and said: "AlahAckbar and Hidden101, you have been chosen to assemble a team of six, including you two, to explore the new planet. GodChicken, you will be taking over their duties in leading the law enforcement team."
AlahAckbar and Hidden101 looked at each other and smiled. "These may be hostile grounds. Will we be provided with weapons?" asked AlahAckbar.
Bart snapped his fingers, and with that, ohlookasquirrel came wheeling a cart of six high powered lasers and six ear pieces. "The ear pieces in front of you have the ability to translate any language and make it understandable by you. The idea was taken from and old book called the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. ohlookasquirrel has also been working on these lasers for you to use. Not as innocent as she seems eh?" said Bart as he winked to the three men.
"You are to have your team assembled by this time tomorrow", said Bart as he returned to eating his grapes.
AlahAckbar and Hidden101 headed back to the bar to decide who to recruit.
After much arguing and debating on who got to pick the team, a compromise was met.
"Ok, I pick two, you pick two", said AlahAckbar to Hidden101.
"Fair enough. My first pick is AlwaysAnEagle. She is smart, and adventurous. Plus, she's accident prone, so it will be good entertainment on that damn planet."
"Good choice. My first choice is Matt Maiorano. He'll provide us with the creativity we need to face the potential dangers ahead of us." replied AlahAckbar.
"Method. We need someone who is witty and has a sharp tongue in case we need to negotiate", stated Hidden101.
"My last pick is Shark25. I have a just feeling about this guy."
With that, Hidden101 and AlahAckbar set off to contact their respective troops.
User Reviews
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-02 23:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-31 10:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fan-fuckin-tastic. I like these.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 19:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-28 17:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should write yourself into it and have your carachter get ass reamed by a nun.
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-07-28 16:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet how did I miss this. I better fuck JME, if anyone touches her I'll fucking slit their throat you mudda fuckas you.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-07-28 13:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take AJ so you can have the "ensign" of the group.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-28 13:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for lack of Will Zone.
"the whole if you have candy, you better have enough candy for everyone in the room" rule.
give me a cameo and kill me off if need be.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-07-28 13:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for mentioning the Hitchhiker's Guide.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-28 13:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Again, awesome. I am an idiot for not reading these sooner. So far I have gotten a slap on the ass from Fetish, and a cuddle in a hot tub from Bart. Can this story get any better? I am off to part 3 to find out!
By the way JMG's comment on this post made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-27 18:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:36:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Personally, I would have picked "Bliztgreg_Bob" and "Random_Joe".
Bob causes he's the bomb, and "Random_Joe" because if someone is going to die, it's always the guy without a name.
Tom's selling newspapers done by Habeeb....Can it get any better?
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Yeah, include me. Make me die.
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-27 17:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another +2 because i get wonderous cleavage
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-27 17:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Put me in this.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-07-27 17:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be in this!
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-07-27 16:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:02:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
wiki: You'll be in the next one! Didn't want to make this one too long.
Awesome.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-27 16:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm hooked. need more.
great story so far.
do you have any gardens that need some friendly props?
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-07-27 14:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And on the planet, they meet DJMattB241 who says, "uh... hey guys. whats up?" They look confusedly at him, as he whips out a set of turntables and lays down the phat tracks. Everyone on the ship comes to the planet and parties.
JMG gets a mate.
The end.
no seriously, i want to be in this!!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-07-27 13:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It saddens me that in the year 2029, I still won't have any good dating luck.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-07-27 12:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-07-27 12:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More, more!
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-07-27 12:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so glad you decided to carry this on.. I love reading stuff like this and the way you have incorporated the Uber users into it makes it seem personal.. (although I am not in it)
Keep up the good work..
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-07-27 12:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
quite enjoyable... more more more!
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-27 12:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a bartender kick ass!
I can't wait to see what comes next.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I started this with the people on this site who stood out to me. Since so far, I only write up to where I have thought, I don't know when I will need to incorporate new characters, hell, I don't even know what's going to happen next yet. When I do, I'll keep you all in mind based on your posts, as well as the comments you leave with all the posts on this website.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sped, I think if we keep +2ing it we will be included at some point.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Personally, I would have picked "Bliztgreg_Bob" and "Random_Joe".
Bob causes he's the bomb, and "Random_Joe" because if someone is going to die, it's always the guy without a name.
Tom's selling newspapers done by Habeeb....Can it get any better?
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How do I get into one of these?
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i want grapes.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn someones got a feeling on me.
I want to press charges.
I love this shit keep it coming.
I look foward to seeing what or who you have my character doing next.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm simple. I'm dumb. I'm the pilot.
You know this is fiction when Bart actually notices that I exist.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was so awesome I died
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-07-27 11:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wiki: You'll be in the next one! Didn't want to make this one too long.