My best friends girl and porn. (2339 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.55 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <brdn_nkd.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-27 15:03:43 EDT
I moved in with my best friend and his girlfriend shortly after high school. We all got along so it was a pretty fun arrangement. I was working two jobs, one of them at a video store. It was just a little family owned job but they paid ok and you got to take movies out for free.
My friend's girlie found out the store I worked at had porn and asked me to bring something home. I thought nothing of it and made sure to pick something my pal and I would enjoy, not too worried about what she wanted. A week later she asked me to bring another one home, again, no problem finding something entertaining to watch. I didn't realize the magnitude of what I'd given in to.
Her requests for me to bring something home became more frequent. Soon she was asking me to bring something home nearly every night. This became a problem for two reasons: one, I like porn but when you're drowning in it, it all starts to look the same, and two, the other employees in the store started looking at me strangely. I can understand, would be pretty funny to watch someone else checking out porn every night and look at his history to see the selections he's made. When a cute co-worker of mine asked me if I was going to have another busy night I knew this had to end.
Sure enough my friends girl asks me to bring home another picture. I'd had the afternoon to think on this and had formulated my plan. I decided I would rent the most appalling thing I could find to make her stop. It was a good plan I just wasn't ready for how appalling it would have to be for her to stop asking me to bring home movies.
She liked anal. She liked food fetishes. She liked S&M. She loved gangbangs. I know these are all fairly tame since that's what you find at a mom and pop video store but I thought I'd find something to make her stop. I finally did.
By this time my account history looks like I have plunged whole-heartedly into the world of porn and will not be making a return. My co-workers now knew what was up and were helping me select titles but it still didn't make it easier. I still had this list of nasty movies on my account that would have the feds looking at my insides if something unusual happened around me. But I finally did it. I brought home the movie to end the requests. It's title?
Grandma Does Dallas.
This 70 something woman goes to the "Dallas Cowboys locker room" and proceeds to have sex with all of the men. She's doing it doggy, standing up, laying down, two at a time, and finally oral. The oral did it. For some reason none of the rest of it really reached her but when Grandma pulled out her dentures to gum the star quarterback my friends girlie reacted so violently that I knew victory had been achieved. My friend and I skimmed the rest of the film out of curiosity and were at least rewarded with a good laugh at the end. Grandma's sitting in a rocking chair knitting, sets her knitting down, gets up and walks away from the chair revealing a giant dildo moving up and down with the motion of the chair! Funny shit in my opinion.
User Reviews
Submitted by AyeCarumba (user info) at 2008-10-09 14:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See sage, THIS is a porn story:P
PORNTS!
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-09 13:35:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahem.
Two very enthusiastic points!!
Submitted by daddiesgurl01 (user info) at 2007-12-06 15:47:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-06 15:24:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
EWWWWWWWWW
Submitted by UlfGabe (user info) at 2004-07-27 18:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
there is no punch line
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2004-07-27 17:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha!
Submitted by WheretheWildThingsAre (user info) at 2004-07-27 17:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And this is categorized as humor because?
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-27 17:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2004-07-27 17:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You got her there I guess. Fantasy ruined forever...
Submitted by Uptown_Alexa (user info) at 2004-07-27 16:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha HA! This one made my teeth tickle! Old women porn!! Classic!
Submitted by MrFunions (user info) at 2004-07-27 16:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You ain't seen nothin until you've seen "Bust a Nut in Grandma's Butt"!!
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-27 16:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My friend has a video called "Grannies, Fatties, and Pregnant Bitches". It's awesome. There's even a scene with a midget!
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
she thought she could just freak on.
good show.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hahaha
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious!!!
I was in that movie, too! I was linebacker #2.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
old women in porn.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I've seen that!
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:26:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahaha
I like this!
Submitted by Sambuca310 (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotSexyChick at 2004-07-27 15:09:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, grandma's need lovin' too.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
booya grandma, booya
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:10:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotSexyChick at 2004-07-27 15:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, grandma's need lovin' too.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:09:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Go grandma!!
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2004-07-27 15:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 haha awesome story