Urban legends: Dancing, neanderthals, and the white man's problem (1299 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.8 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Akegata <akegata.at.bluebottle.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-28 05:15:37 EDT
One of the aspects of the so-called "white man's problem" originated from jobs. While people not labeled "white" had jobs involving physical work, the "white" midde-class would sit in their offices all day long, shuffling papers, chugging coffee and allowing their bodies to decay. Their muscles disappear and they become animated by pure caffeine. It's sad indeed. This is of course a very primitive, stereotypical view on the situation, but due to pop-culture and various movies/TV-shows, this message was fixed in people's minds. Seriously, I'm still hearing about group that talks about differences in brain/muscle structure between the so-called "races". Foolish indeed... And they wonder why racism is still a problem!
Anyway, let's move on. Since the body of the "white man" invited atrophy, it became dependant upon caffeine for motion. The "non-whites", on the other hand, got lots of work-out from their jobs. Since this lead to different ways of motion (non-whites utilizing muscle energy and whites utilizing caffeine), the way these two parties moved changed increasingly. The "white man" is said to have lost his rythm. This lead to the cliché claiming that "white people can't dance".
While the "non-white" man would use his muscles to move with the rythm, the "white man" became reliant on the sporadic spasms that caffeine gave him.
That's what history tells us anyway. The truth is that this message became so fixed in people's minds that ALL "white people" (at least the middle-class) lost their rythm. The cliché led to a psychological barrier, that would hinder the "white people" from really letting themselves go while dancing. The "white-man" would fear dancing. Sober dancing became a taboo, the white man had to rely on a massive consumption of alcohol to even dare hitting the dance floor. The alcohol helped them relax, but ruined their judgement and balance. This strenghtened the stereotype further.
Now, whenever I go clubbing and see the average "white man" on the dance floor, he'll affirm the cliché again and again. After chugging all night, he dares hitting the dance floor. The alcohol makes him think that he's a great dancer, but the sad truth is that it looks awkward. I'll give you descriptions on some of the moves he'll utilize while "shaking his ass".
1) The Pump. This is a very simple movement, his feet are planted on the ground, while he shifts his weight from one foot to another. What gave this move it's name is the characteristic up-and-down pump movement he does with his hands.
2) Milking the Cow. This is a move very similar to the above, the only difference is in the way the hands and arms are moved. While one hand is lifted, the other is lowered. Up and down, up and down, as if milking a cow.
3) Smoking (with pathos). This move is observed whenever smoking is allowed, the dancer wil lean backwards and inhale the smoke vigorously. He will then exhale, showing the whole world that he can smoke.
4) Drinking (with pathos). This is just like smoking, the only difference, is that instead of smoking while leaning backwards, the dancer drinks.
5) Combination. (Strictly for advanced users.) While "milking the cow", the dancer will hold a cigarette and/or a bottle, showing the whole world that he can dance, drink, an smoke simultaneously.
These are some great "moves", or what? I'm sure a hamphster is more innovative on the dancefloor. At least it will be intelligent enough to run and hide! Seriously, people, all of mankind originated from the same gene-pool, there is no reason that a "white" and a "non-white" should dance differently. It's all in your head! Help prevent racism in both directions, mr. "white man" learn how to dance! For the sake of the people.
I've heard that there are still some people with neanderthal genes. You are excused. Now take your clubs and go hunt!
User Reviews
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-28 19:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Complimentary +2 service of http://www.ubersite.com/m/39658
Submitted by akegata <akegata.at.bluebottle.com> at 2004-07-28 18:29:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will teach white people how to dance tomorrow. Have some patience, man!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-28 10:35:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i'm only 21 (few days ago) and this describes me pretty well.... i thinkk..... can't be sure cause i'm always drunk when i dance.
...could've used some hints about what to do to dance... you're no help.
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-07-28 10:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-28 10:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/24946
Submitted by VeganZombie (user info) at 2004-07-28 09:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2004-07-28 05:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm guilty of 1 and 2.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-07-28 05:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AIM: Justinfromtr or I Am Sideburns
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-07-28 05:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-07-28 05:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually know exactly what you mean when you describe those.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-07-28 05:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Word
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2004-07-28 05:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha! Thank you for clearing that up.