Adventures in The Park: Why You Shouldn't Eat My Brownies. (1382 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.94 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2004-07-28 22:37:27 EDT
About two years ago, I lived with my mom. We lived in a double-wide trailer in a surprisingly nice community. It was a retirement community for the less-fortunate elderly, but nice nonetheless. I was one of many kids running around ruining people's shit.
One day after school, I came home to find the house unlocked and the doors open, but nobody home. Upon further inspection, I found a pot of water on the stove. The pot was red-hot and the water had all evaporated. Next to the pot, on the counter, were a few eggs.
After turning the stove off and putting the warm eggs in the trash, I walked out into the living room expecting to see another dangerous situation. I am greeted with an incense stick lying horizontally on the coffee table, still burning. Less than six inches away was a can of butane for refillable lighters. I extinguished the incense and headed for my room, knowing that the incense came from there.
The door was jimmied open, most likely with a butter knife. Lying on my coffee table was my brand-new pack of incense, nearly empty. My lock-box sat on the floor, visibly forced into. Next to it was a small cats-claw that was undoubtedly used to pry it open. My stash bag was empty and my accouterments were gone. So was nearly $160 that I had stashed in there.
It was at this point that a screw went loose in my head. I grabbed what little cash I had left, stuffed it into my pocket, and hopped on my bike. I rode the two miles to the Dash-In convenience store, dropped my bike at the door, and jogged straight through the door and towards the medicine aisle.
Chocolate-flavored Ex-Lax.
I began to muse about what I could use this for as I walked through the store with the box in my hand. I walked down another aisle and spotted a box of brownie mix. A light bulb went off in my head. I grabbed the box, paid for both items, and ran out to my bike.
Upon arriving home, I noted that the house was still empty. I ran inside and began to make brownies. Extra Chocolate brownies. Mud-shit inducing brownies. About an hour later, I heard the oven timer go off and I ran in to pull my tasty treats out of the oven.
I really don't know why it never crossed my mind that I did live with my mom, too.
I set the brownies on the cooling rack and walked into the living room to watch some TV and wait for my sister to come home. About mid-way through the show, I heard the front door open.
"Hello? Tim?"
It was my best friend, Dan.
"Yeah, come on in." Not like he wasn't already inside.
"Ok, man, I'll be there in a second."
About a minute later, he walked in and sat down. We talked and I told him what I came home to. I didn't tell him what I had done to exact my revenge, as he was known for being unable to keep a secret. We watched some more TV. Maybe thirty minutes later, his stomach started making weird gurgling noises. I figured he was hungry.
Suddenly, he hopped up and sprinted out of the room, leaving me wondering what the fuck was going on. I lazily got up and walked to the door, expecting that he had run out of the house. Then I heard the bathroom door close. I walked over, knocked, and asked "Are you Ok, man?"
"Yeah, I think that brownie is disagreeing with me though."
"Fuck, dude, go the fuck home!"
My sister spent the night in the bathroom after eating almost half of the brownies.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-06 20:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-28 17:47:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yay for timbo!
Submitted by shittoast (user info) at 2004-08-28 16:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, bitch, you stole my word!
Submitted by bitch (user info) at 2004-08-28 16:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit
Submitted by DoctorMonoculous (user info) at 2004-08-28 16:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck.
Submitted by ChickenTaco (user info) at 2004-08-28 16:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HA, you lived in a trailer. D
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-15 11:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh.. you made him poo!
Submitted by krushul (user info) at 2004-08-15 10:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no one messes with my stash. +2 for automatically knowing that a greedy pothead can't resist brownies.
Submitted by negative_twoer_of_fetish (user info) at 2004-08-13 10:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by theres_a_cow_in_my_underpants (user info) at 2004-08-04 05:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
01001001 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100001 01101110 00100000 00101110 00101110 00100000 01010011 01100101 01110010 01101001 01101111 01110101 01110011 01101100 01111001 00100000 00101110 00101110 00100000 01000100 01110101 01100100 01100101 00101110 00101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01000001 01001001 01001110 00100111 01010100 00100000 01000110 01010101 01001110 01001110 01011001 00101110 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01110100 01101000 00101110 00100000 01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01011001 01100001 01110111 01101100 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101110 00101110
Submitted by blackflames667 (user info) at 2004-08-04 04:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's been done a thousand times before, but it is still a little funny.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-31 21:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MOM! GET ONLINE!
It's rather urgent.
Submitted by beancat (user info) at 2004-07-31 21:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because it's a good story.
-2 because I'm your mom.
+ because I'm your mom.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-29 22:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gee, I wonder who Robot is.
Submitted by Fetish_Fucking_Sucks (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:05:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FetishII (user info) at 2004-07-29 20:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Fetish_Fucking_Sucks (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:09:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wooha Wooha!
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-29 03:46:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-28 23:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was well-recieved, except for Captain Moron down there.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-28 23:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And because this post deserves it.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-28 23:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To cancel out another moron's rating.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-28 23:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Complimentary +2 courtesy of www.ubersite.com/m/39658
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-28 22:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Making people poo uncontrollably is always funny.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-28 22:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wooha Wooha!
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-28 22:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*She (being my sister) and yes.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-28 22:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did he actually take your stash?