Diary of a Madman 14 (831 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: doam
Rating: 1.08 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2004-07-28 23:42:58 EDT
You deserve it.
They deserve it.
I deserve it.
Whatever we do in our lives that deserves punishment, so it shall be. I wonder, when I do the things that I do, who is watching? Do the spirits from the past, the ones I took too early, wander around earths ghostly realms observing?
Am I being watched from the hereafter in anticipation of the day that I too join their ranks? Are they gnashing their teeth, grinding their sweaty misty hands together as they watch me perform for the undead? Can they not wait for my demise?
Do they take on the form that they carried with them in death? Are they missing limbs? Heads? Hearts? I've seen all the movies and I can imagine it is nothing like that. I think there is an evil feel to purgatory that one's soul cannot shake. I imagine it to be a place filled with nervousness and anticipation. Helplessness and aggression.
"Get me out, let me out, I cannot get out".
Cursed to wander a neverending path. Forced to observe humans, real humans in their daily actions. Never able to join in although the confusion they feel makes them wonder why they cannot.
"Am I dead? Can I be dead? Is this what dead feels like?".
Where is the light? They were taught that there was a light. A light to go towards, to move into. What happens when there is no light. No path. No God. Is there bitterness? Do some expect it? Do some even realize that they are no longer living on earth as a solid being?
I bet they do. I bet watching me brings them pain. Sometimes when I am doing private things I wonder if they can see me. When I masturbate is the room filled with lonely, misguided spirits watching me and betting on the result? when I pick my nose at the stoplight do the lost souls watch in disgust or in humor? When I have sex do the undead reach for their nasty crotches as they watch? When I relieve myself can they smell my smells? When I kill, do they have memories of when they were killed? Can they remember?
When do they become desperate enough to show themselves?
I often wonder about this very thing. I look around this basement room and I try so very hard to open up my mind to them. I know they are here somewhere. I want to see it from their perspective. I yearn for that feeling of hopelessness and despair. Trapped, never to get out. I want to feel their confusion and pain. I want to know the horror I've brought to them.
Someday I will know.
I deserve it.
They deserve it.
You deserve it.
User Reviews
Submitted by fartmilfone (user info) at 2004-08-29 18:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-08-08 01:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wishing for more. Would've liked it to be deeper. More descriptive of his thoughts.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-07-31 15:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you desreved this -2. it was foreordained.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These posts put me in an unaccountably good mood.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-07-29 09:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-07-29 08:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love this series.
Espo
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-29 03:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-07-29 01:57:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-07-29 00:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stacenbass (user info) at 2004-07-29 00:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I fucked up.
BAD.
I've never been good at keeping secrets, what with the cloud of guilt looming not too high above my head. I used to think that you shouldn't regret a single thing you said or did. There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are, and what better to determine who you are other than the things you think and say and do?
But I know that I am not what I did. And I cope with the cloud by telling myself that. In the end I guess it doesn't really matter. Everything dissolves in that stare anyway... And things that never ment anything in the first place are the first to fade in these pools."
Food for thought.
I more than likely do deserve it.
But if it happened that way, They probably deserved it too.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-07-29 00:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One and One equals two.
Atleast that is what I have been told.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-07-28 23:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo! Go Madman! Woo!