A Legal Query (603 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 2 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Flatuloso (View user info) at 2004-07-29 12:02:36 EDT
I live in an area with quite a few vegetarians/vegans - as many people probably know these people are INSANE. They enjoy talking about things like "what color their personality is" and "what their dream about murdering babies is about." Usually I try to stay well enough away from these societal malfunctions, but I often find myself far closer to them than I usually intend.
Being the instigator/douchebag that I am, it only takes about three minutes of their continued presence and obnoxiousness before I start saying things completely innapropriate/offensive. Things like "You know, I'm sure your having relationship problems because you've never experience the hot, visceral pleasure of tearing into a nice juicy steak" or "MY main goal in life is to eat one of every animal before I die - really assert my place on the food chain, you know?" However my most used phrase is definitely "If my pet dies, can I legally eat him?"
Now I'm really curious if I can! I'm not wealthy, and my loving family has four animals, two dogs, two cats. Some of em are getting up in years, and I AM serious about my goal of eating one of every animal. I figure, what better way to immortalize a loved one than with a fantastic meal? I definitely don't remember burying my gerbil as a kid, but I sure as hell love Thankgiving. I'm leaning towards thinking that I can, for the following reasons -
You legally own the animal.
You didn't actually kill it, it died from other means.
Animals were in fact put on earth to serve man.
Cat is supposed to be quite tasty.
So - to any of those experienced in law or animal rights; Can I, under United States Law, eat my pet upon its death without fear of reprisal from the U.S. government? Because really, my cat IS getting up in years. It smells, and I think the best outcome for everyone would be to "accidentally" back over the bugger in the driveway.
User Reviews
Submitted by PurplePeopleEater at 2004-07-31 15:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go dude! Go for the kitten! Raaaaassk!
Carnivores of the world, UNITE!
Submitted by step_into_my_office_baby at 2004-07-30 11:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That "Return to Primal Man" bullshit is so
1992. I've met too many of your kind to count;
you don't need to brag about eating meat, or your
pets for that matter, it's not that much of an
achievement. All you need are teeth.
What is so offensive about me deciding
what I want to eat without a vigilante group of
men with flaming torches coming after my ass?
*Scotland & B&S are not famous for being veg.
Submitted by CDizzle (user info) at 2004-07-29 14:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, step into my office
I thought:
Can I, under United States Law, eat my pet upon its death without fear of reprisal from the U.S. government?
gave away what country.
...Hippy
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-07-29 13:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is somewhat relevant:
The Hunter's Apology by Gordon Keith of http://www.gordonkeith.com
There are several things a man should know: how to build a house, how to kill a meal, and which kinds of women to stay away from.
For modern man, hunting is a tough issue. But like most things tough, your soul gains much by suffering through it.
When I announced on the air that I was getting interested in the art of hunting, I received a lot of response. Most was of the "I am glad you are talking about this fine sport..." but there were a few "why would you even contemplate such a barbaric act, the killing of defenseless animal?"
I hope within this short space to help the doubters to consider and the doers to contemplate, but mainly, I seek to work out my own feelings on the matter by setting them down.
I feel a calling to the hunt because in my short life I am seeking the answers to Death. Mine and other's. In this sense, hunting is another confusing yet necessary part of my life. Before I complete my earthly cycle, I want to see the sacrifice made by other creatures in their contribution to my years.
Firstly, I am sickened by the stereotype of hunters and especially those who fulfill it.
I should think the true hunter sees killing as something sacred. Dispensing death is God's business and as we are instruments of his trade we should never forget, nor take lightly, this awesome charge.
I am sure the first time I kill I will cry, because no longer can I keep up the false divide that in my living I cause no death. Most of us never integrate, nor take responsibility for, the death we cause.
We will eat our food and never pay much heed to its source. We shield ourselves from the gruesome details of that which enables us to live. How many women will give a hunter an earful over her grilled chicken salad or her filet mignon and never see the opportunity for self-reflection and growth?
In this respect the hunter is a more integral person. He cannot hide from the death he causes.
In my opinion the only thing worse than the man who is content to have others do his killing for him is the one who kills, stands over the beast, and doesn't feel bad about the whole sorry affair.
In our modern world it is impractical and unnecessary for everyone to hunt the actual food he or she consumes. But I think it is important for the meat-eater to, at least once, go on a hunt and follow the process from start to finish. See the stalk, see the death, the sickening thwack of the bullet, see the gutting, the windpipe severed, the incision around the anus, the intestines pulled free in a jerk, the quartering, legs cut off, head pulled off, the slow cooling of the carcass. It is unpleasant business, but then again, all killing should be. Maybe it will make you a vegetarian. That's a hell of a lot better than living without integrity, and in my view we should integrate the intellectual knowledge of our food source with the emotional self and realize, with that nauseating pit of dread in our stomach, that life is the cause of death and vice versa.
If I am a man that profits from death, I must be willing to confront it. Responsibility is truly a bitch. I am not saying that you should be a plumber to enjoy plumbing, but you should be willing to.
Most opposition to Hunting is born out of ignorance. Hunting is necessary to our American life. It keeps our wildlife healthy and fruitful and it keeps our lands intact. Most people do not know that hunters are the greatest conservationists in America. The money made from the sale of firearms, the payment of license fees, etc. directly funds the preservation and management of our lands. There are strict rules on what game can be killed and in what quantity and the rules shift according to need. If there is a dangerous overpopulation that threatens a species, the rules are adjusted to allow the hunter to pull the animal population back into a sustainable harmony. If there is an infestation of a destructive animal that threatens to wipe out the habitat of other important species, the hunter is called upon by the Wildlife Department to do that dirty and noble business. In this sense, the hunter is a volunteer employee who keeps our land working. More than a free employee however, the hunter actually donates money back to the employer to continue to do all such good things. It is a very efficient system.
In the art of hunting there is so much to be learned, first in the physical sense (land, navigation, tracking, survival, specie characteristics), and ultimately in the metaphysical. I suspect both categories can never be exhausted, for we can never know enough about the natural world and never know why a single creature is never good enough to exist eternally in it.
It is very exciting to learn new, important things. I have had the best time out in woods, learning the land, the limitations of my body, and the precarious balance of God's bottomless world. For me, hunting is a calling to be whole.
I know that we mainly consume beef and chicken and these animals are not hunted. Some may think this is more humane, this harvesting of cow and bird. But those animals are usually horded into gas chambers or penned and beaten over the head until the eyes go gray. To me, that is not hunting, that is killing.
Hunting certainly seems more virtuous.
Submitted by Flatuloso (user info) at 2004-07-29 13:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, that kitten is extremely cute...
Thanks for the cook prep ideas everybody - and I'll have to remember to add "To fit well" to my list of animal purposes, I'm from the United States by the way.
Step into my office, you're even named after a Belle and Sebastian song! Arguably the most quintessential vegetarian post I've ever read! Good job! And I'd say my trap is more "greased" as opposed to "encrusted." Lard IS in fact a lubricant.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-07-29 12:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I think the best outcome for everyone would be to "accidentally" back over the bugger in the driveway."
The upswing being that your kitty is pre tenderized and won't need to cook as long.
Submitted by step_into_my_office_baby at 2004-07-29 12:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not all vegetarians are fucking hippies, you know.
After 19 years of not eating meat, I don't even
bother to tell people I'm vegetarian anymore, out
of fear of reprisal and snide comments. You need
to watch that old Jean-Pierre Jeunet movie,
"Delicatessan" before opening your lard-encrusted
trap again.
And,you will need to state which country you live in
before anyone can comment on legal issues.
Submitted by Subjugator <nt_deity.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-07-29 12:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fantastic! Sorry I can't answer the question, but it seems to be an interesting goal.
Subbie
-If torturing animals made them taste better, I'd do it.
Submitted by Mokraut at 2004-07-29 12:19:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-29 12:17:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for posing the question and then luring in the bleeding hearts with the kitten picture.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-29 12:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for posing the question and then luring in the bleeding hearts with the kitten picture.
and i like the name. almost supervillainesque. think you need a Dr. to start with to make it in the super villain world though. "Dr. Flatuloso... bringing forth fear with his super...ass?"
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-29 12:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are two purposes of animals on this planet
1) To fit well
2) To be tasty
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-07-29 12:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You made me gag.