One Potato Two Potato Three Potato Camwhore (SPT) (1321 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: untruth
Rating: 0.68 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark (View user info) at 2004-07-29 15:14:28 EDT
Wow! I sure like SPT!!!
I haven't had so much fun since that time in the crowded reception room at the doctors office, when the smelly old bag lady next to me loudly proclaimed that she new I liked her because she saw my "pants move".
I almost proposed to her right then and there. That smell, her cracked skin, missing teeth and yellow eyes were an incredible turn on. If she'd been a drooler I would probably have jumped her rickety old bones right there in front of all the people who automatically decided that she must be telling the truth about my pants.
I should have stood up and took a bow, bathing in the glory of their envy. Sure, they may have been trying to look disgusted, but I knew the truth. THEY WANTED HER TO! Male and female alike.
I'm a great judge of character, so I gave her my wallet and keys and told her I would meet her in my car.
After the doctor was through sticking 14 differently shaped, ice cold, Hannibal Lecter devices in my rectum, I hobbled down to the parking lot to find both my new love and my old love (1970 AMC Gremlin) gone.
I screamed, I cried, I raised my fists to the heavens and cursed God above. I ran around the parking lot in clockwise circles for an hour babbling like a madman, hoping beyond hope I had missed them somehow. When that didn't work, I spent another hour doing the same thing counter clockwise. Finally I collapsed to the floor in a heap of exhausted despair.
After the crowd dispersed and the cheering stopped I slowly but surely got ahold of myself. Then I had to let go because another crowd was starting to form. I pulled my pants back up and walked across the street to my house. It felt strange not driving.
The fates had stolen the one true love of my life. The only person to have ever returned my feelings without reservation! If "I saw your pants move" isn't a declaration of ultimate love I don't know what is! It felt like cupid had waged a successful shock and awe campaign on my soul. I also felt like the doctor had done the same thing to my ass.
I couldn't take it anymore. I had to find her. My love for her knew no boundaries. I left everything I had behind and never looked back. I spent the next 3 years combing every park bench and doctor's office in the city in a desperate attempt to find her.
Along the way I taught many people about the power of Jesus and the coming Rapture.
So here I am at the end of year 3, and I still haven't found her, but I refuse to give up. My Peestained Princess will one day be mine.
Pray for me brothers and sisters.
SPT!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2005-06-02 22:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So uhhh.. what's this "SPT" nonsense?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-02 21:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, even Snark's SPT posts are funny.
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2005-06-02 21:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I never rated this...to me, you look like the lost Raimi brother.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-12 12:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A post like this really brings out ubersite's user's ability, ie:
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:20:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY SHIT IT"S THE LEAD SINGER FROM BLINK 182!
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NOT FUNNY.
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Submitted by maryjane (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:40:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit it's the guy from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!
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NOT FUNNY.
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Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit, Mark McKinney (Kids in the Hall) and Blink 182 guy had a baby!
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NOT FUNNY. DOESN"T MAKE SENSE.
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Submitted by convicted_child_rapist (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:59:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
You could use some rape.
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EXTREMELY FUNNY.
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Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-07-29 16:04:35 (#)
Ranking: -1
One potato, two potato, three potato, Stephen Hawking.
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EXTREMELY FUNNY.
Submitted by ramona <sismo12345.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-04 13:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hey again, You are so funny. You will have to let me know when your submitting stuff, I just can't get enough. Have you ever thought of stand up. I like how you can take an everyday thing, or silly little events and run with it. Very clever.You say what everybody is thinking. I should try that sometime, it could be stress release. TTYL Ramona
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL So you saw this one...
Now you know where the Crispin Glover reference in the Necrosiac Timeline comes from :)
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-27 13:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I screamed, I cried, I raised my fists to the heavens and cursed God above. I ran around the parking lot in clockwise circles for an hour babbling like a madman"
PopQuiz: The sound of a woman laughing so hard she's crying in a silent house at one in the morning is
A) Creepy;
B) An indicator of some cataclysmic mental imbalance;
C) A testament to the glory of the written word;
D) Bound to wake up the kids;
E) All of the above.
Yeah. E. It was the 'clockwise circles' detail that utterly slew me.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-08-27 12:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jadey at 2004-08-06 18:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very funny! Laugh out loud funny!
I really think humour is your strong point.
D
Submitted by Xena at 2004-07-30 14:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Crazy Bitch Stole your GRIMLIN?!!!!
Must've been true love! all the signs were there...a crazy-theiving bitch and your pants moving - ahh...true love
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:20:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY SHIT IT"S THE LEAD SINGER FROM BLINK 182!
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HAHHAHAHAHA
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you look like what would happen if crispin glover got assfucked repeatedly.
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2004-07-29 16:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy Blow Job Mouth! I think I'm in LUV.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-07-29 16:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
One potato, two potato, three potato, Stephen Hawking.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-29 16:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit you ARE a McFly! Can I have your number?
- Dr. Emmett. L Brown
Submitted by convicted_child_rapist (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You could use some rape.
Submitted by Biff at 2004-07-29 15:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
***knocking on head ***
Hello McFly!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marty Mcfly
LOL I love that!
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who cut your hair boy?
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy crap! It's George McFly!
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit, Mark McKinney (Kids in the Hall) and Blink 182 guy had a baby!
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Ha!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ES EL DIABLO!!!!! RED OJOS!!! DIOS MIO!!!
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit, Mark McKinney (Kids in the Hall) and Blink 182 guy had a baby!
Submitted by VaginaRavager (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
gay ?
Submitted by maryjane (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit it's the guy from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nope my real name isn't Carl.
Side Note: The hand growing out of my shoulder is a side effect of eating out of dumpsters.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus christ, you look like a guy I used to hang out with. Is your real name carl?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:25:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
! ANGLO ALERT !
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for SPT and "I saw your pants move" B/C i laughed out loud.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-29 15:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY SHIT IT"S THE LEAD SINGER FROM BLINK 182!