Sex: How Do You Like It? (NSFW?) (7481 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.41 on 174 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Val (View user info) at 2004-07-29 17:43:13 EDT
SPT has suckered me in, taken me captive and made me do bad things. This is one of those things.
Surveys seem to be the new rage in Ubertown... so I ask you:
How do you like it?
If you could have one night of sex with the man/woman/both of your choice, how would it be? There would be no strings attached, no consequences, no promises, etc. Just sex.
For me it would be fast and hard, fucking against a wall ripping each other's clothes off sex. Unbridled nekkid passion, preferably lasting over 4 and a half minutes. In a tacky motel room, to add to the illusion of urgency. And oral. Lots and lots of oral.
Handcuffs are good. So are blindfolds. So are icecubes.
Also the guy's peener would be larger than 5 and a quarter. (Goddamn tiny-pricked-libido-lacking-woman-beating-ex... what the hell was I thinking?)
AHEM.
Anyway... it's Shit Post Thursday. Let loose.
User Reviews
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-12-01 14:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is my favorite:
I like to call it "The Jaws of Life".
You find a girl in a bar. Get her good and drunk... then take her back to your place. While taking her from behind and about to come, you slyly reach behind you, appropriating the ball-peen hammer hidden behind your couch for a moment such as this. As the ejaculate strains to erupt forth, you quickly and decisively donkey punch the back of her skull with your hammer, killing her!
Then you wait for 3 days till rigor mortis sets in with your boner in her ass. Her ass cheeks clamp together, pinching your dick off while you moan in ecstacy. Hence the term, "The Jaws of Life".
-A Chinaski Original.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-08-23 09:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For me just the sandwich. Then I go home.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-08-22 22:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On the bed of the honeymoon suite at the Hilton, with her hands handcuffed to the headboard while I go down on her, then get the cuffs off so she can pull my hair while we have nasty, primal, illegal in 48 states sex for an hour, ending with her fingernails clawing all the way down my back.
Then a turkey sandwich.
Submitted by CDizzle (user info) at 2004-08-22 22:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there's never enough anime, chainsaws or pudding for me
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-22 22:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munky <best_wargreymon.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-03 22:43:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
With Kristen...and Val. Hard :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...and Paula.
Throw Tiffy and Ericka in there and my orgasm would explode 2 New England states off the map and unleash a tidal wave that would destroy everything east of Ohio.
Submitted by Hummina (user info) at 2004-08-22 08:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Naked in bed at a tropical beach resort. First I kiss her on the neck and shoulders. Then we move to the lips, slow and gentile at first, progressing to sloppy face sucking. Break, break, now I kiss her arms, tummy, nipples get gently chewed, down one leg, up the the other. Then, the inner thighs, slowly getting closer and closer her pussy. I spread her lips with my tongue and kiss, lick, suck her clit to orgasm. When she stops bucking (wipes face with sheets) we go to missionary, I work my way in slowly and gently until we are coupled, my arms wrapped around her holding her tight, I tell her how hot she is, how much I love her, as we grind away. 2 hrs and 6 more orgasms of the G-spot varity later (LOL) it's finally my turn, since she is on the pill, I cum in her thrusting as deep as possible as if trying to impregnate her. We stay like that for a while. Then I get up for the baby oil from my suitcase, the night is young!!
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-08-21 14:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Screwyouall (user info) at 2004-08-10 09:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm, must be those pesky drugs i took
Submitted by Screwyouall (user info) at 2004-08-10 09:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
never in a car again.........cops show up at the worst possible time
in the rain, first lots of heavy petting, so we drive each other crazy, til one of us snaps. I see her riding me, me seeing the curves of her naked body glistening with sweat and water. shes teasing me again, letting me come close, but never there. she wants me to control her, i do. i fuck her until she screams my name, holding me closer as she comes, back arching, her nails ripping into my back, and then, just to lay there in the grass.............ahh, the memories
Submitted by Screwyouall (user info) at 2004-08-10 01:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
definately not in a car again...cops come at the worst time
in the rain, lots of heavy teasing first, driving her crazy, and me for that matter, til one of us snaps. I want to see her riding me, the curves of her body glistening in the sweat and water running down her naked body. she controls me, letting me close but slowing down to keep me going. Me taking control, me fucking her until she screams my name and holds me closer, back arching, nails biting into my back, then just to lay there, in the grass...........ahh the memories
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-08-10 00:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:23:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Godchicken, that just gave me a woody
----------------------------------------------------------------
Method, that just gave me a woody
HAR HAR PEENER!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-08-10 00:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
while wearing a bunny suit.
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-08-10 00:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eheh. Girth is mo' impotent than length. Get it? IMPOTENT? AHAHAHA!
..I'm not funny...
Submitted by SumYumGuy (user info) at 2004-08-05 03:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
5.25 is unfathomable? then what am i to do with this 3.5 monster? <my best sad/I'm beat your fucking ass face>
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-08-05 03:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With hands like that, you can make any guy's dick look big.
I want a girl who would fight for the top position.
IE: Pushing me, pulling me, wrestling me to the top spot. I guess you could say I want it rough. But I don't like coming out with blood drawn. Oh yea, and I like lots of oral too. I don't mind giving, and I certainly don't mind getting.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go masturbate and cry myself to sleep. G'night.
Submitted by munky <best_wargreymon.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-03 22:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With Kristen...and Val. Hard :)
Submitted by lrw (user info) at 2004-08-03 14:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
my ex was 8.5 and thick.. mm mm mm.... it got a little owie when he was fuckin me hard from behind, but i like it rough, so that's fine. i've never seen a dong under 7 inches 5.25 is unfathomable.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-08-03 01:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
o
to bad
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-03 01:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i'm never drinking again
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-08-03 01:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if you feel like complete and utter shoit there is only one cure
well 2
drinking
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-03 01:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Like total and utter shit. You have no idea.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-03 01:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How are you feelnig tonight, Val?
*pats head*
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-03 00:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-08-02 21:58:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Are people under the impression i want to sleep with Val?
If so, please promptly kill yourself. No offense to val, but i would rather be a eunich than sleep with val.
====================================
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-02 23:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-02 22:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-07-31 23:15:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'm in love."
----------------------------------------------
Hehe, if only you knew the things I know and seen the things I've seen. I've got a lot to be thankful for.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-08-02 21:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are people under the impression i want to sleep with Val?
If so, please promptly kill yourself. No offense to val, but i would rather be a eunich than sleep with val.
Submitted by VaginaRavager (user info) at 2004-08-02 18:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid and futile
Submitted by Commie_bastard (user info) at 2004-08-02 13:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Red commie style!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-02 02:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My name is Buck and I like to fuck.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-08-02 02:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I would definitely come to Ubercon, but alas, money and I are like oil and water, wet and flammable. (+2 to anyone who can name the movie I stole that line from)
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-08-02 02:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You probably shouldn't tell me that. I have a thing for short girls. My ex was 5' 4" and another girl I messed around with this Spring was 5' 2". For some reason shorter girls seem to have bigger breasts than taller girls, but perhaps that's just because there's less body behind the boobs on shorter girls. I'm not exactly a big guy either, 5' 10", 160 lbs., and that's after gaining 30 lbs. after high school. I was a fucking stick.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-02 01:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ADAM- i'm a lil girl!
a little girl that loves malibu. ive really gotta stop
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-08-02 01:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
12-pack in 2-3 hours? Lightweight. Me and two friends have gone camping for the weekend with 3 cases (that's 24-packs for the uninformed) of beer thinking it'll be way too much, only to have to drive back into town the next day, with a slight case of hangover, to buy more. And the heaviest of us is 185. I can drink someone under the table who is 40 pounds heavier than me and I only drink about once every other week, depending on if anyone calls about a party during said weeks.
And Ms. Clifone? If you happen to take a look over to the left at the MVA list, you'll notice that Bart's last name is spelled C-I-L-F-O-N-E. I before L, dear.
Submitted by Mrs.Clifone (user info) at 2004-08-01 18:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
With Mr.Clifone.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-01 18:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-07-31 23:33:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i feel sorry for you val. if you want, i can send you some of my collection. here are my list of titles-
Donkey-lickin' good
---------------------------------
Thats my best accomplishment to date Wardy. Also check out these titles:
Donkey does fatties
Donkey feeds the masses (with 20% more baby batter)
Donkey vs. the Evil Horny Housewives
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-01 16:25:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.FreeFlatScreens.com/default.aspx?referer=7584498
Free flat screen monitor or TV! Just sign up for eBay on the requirements page, place a bid (doesn't even have to be a winning bid), and get 8 friends to do the same! Don't forget to verify your email on the 'My Account' page.
FREE SHIT WOO
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-01 08:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-01 06:07:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm struck by theis 5 and a quarter business. did you actually measure the failed boyfriends penis?
what dimensions are acceptable to you?
==========================================
yes. totally measured it. wouldn't you? i thought maybe there was a medical problem involved.
if it's too small (5-6 inches) and thin.... you'd better be good at oral.
if it's too big (over 8 and wide)... no.
honestly the size is really no big deal unless it's monstrously large or small, or thin or thick.
the owner of previously mentioned penis was a fucking bastard and doesn't deserve to have all of his limbs intact, including said penis. it is for this reason that i found fault with his peener. if he was a great guy and all, it wouldn't have made a difference.
i apologize to everyone online last night. i finished a 12 pack in 2-3 hours.
goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonna vomit.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-01 06:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm struck by theis 5 and a quarter business. did you actually measure the failed boyfriends penis?
what dimensions are acceptable to you?
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-08-01 05:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I fuck all day and all night
Then I get freaky and start to bite
Then the freak comes out
and you see what Snuggles is all about
Submitted by TSO_CHICKEN at 2004-08-01 03:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nutella, toesuckin while i doggy you, and exxxtreeme g-spot 'jackulashun-akshun.
no foolin.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-08-01 00:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think im drunk but i still got half a liter of seven here
so i gota get drinking
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-01 00:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aw man joe are you drunk too? if not theres no excuse
if so, rock on!
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-08-01 00:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
into
god damn i cant type
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-08-01 00:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i ran itno a bar once
it hurt realy bad
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-31 23:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Crack is whack.
I mean w00t!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-07-31 23:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i feel sorry for you val. if you want, i can send you some of my collection. here are my list of titles-
Donkey-lickin' good
I'm under 18, and undressed
My balls love to slap the back of your ass
Whips and Chains and a bag of horseshoes
------
oh, and i have some crack and a six pack of beamish.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-07-31 23:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-07-31 16:42:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
I can be quite intense. In fact, I don't think I have had good sex unless I have to apologise afterwards.
________________________
I think I'm in love.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-31 23:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to all of the lucky people who got laid tonight....
how i envy you.
drunk, horny, and alone is not a good combination.
I need porn damnit. lots of porn.
i am so not going to remember this tomorrow.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-31 21:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok ok ok, I'll supply an answer.
I like it with hands....
I like it with noise....
I like it with tongues....
Ok, that's a hard joke to put in text.
But seriously, I do like it with hands, noise, and tongues. Someone stated (somewhere south of me) that underwater is good. I once had an extremely springy bed. That'd be a nice choice. On a roof when it is snowing. Don't ask. In the back of a moving SUV with my brother at the wheel and in the back with my teacher.
Wait, where does that one sound familiar?
Seriously, I would do her alllll niiiiight loooooong. Nice and slow...THEN FAST...then slow again...then a burst of speed, then a moderate pace...then fast again, slow again, fast again...then I donkey punch.
BWAHA.
But seriously folks, butt sex gives me the willies...
...in a not good way.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-07-31 21:51:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:50:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
I usually yell NUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
-------------------------
Who wants to bet money that Fetish has never seen a girl naked, let alone made love to her?
I do.
Look at his knobby fucking legs, for christ's sake.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-31 21:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Adam- screw the passport- come to Ubercon!!!!
I will totally make it worth your while.
And what... you DON'T have pigtails? Freak.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-07-31 21:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute?! So I'm a three-year-old girl with pigtails and bows in her hair now?! :)
And about the passport, patience girl, patience. All in good time. Just imagine how I'll be caressing your neck, slowly kissing the contours of your ears, feeling your heat.... ahem, um, I think I'm late to meet the guys at the frisbee golf course. Yah, that's it. Oh who am I kidding? You have eyes I could drown in.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-07-31 21:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All night, all day and all night the next day.
Doggie style first. Fuck that, porno style. In the tub next, then on the floor, then in a chair, then all over the room again.
ha :)
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-31 18:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don, youve tried so hard, wouldnt it be a bitch if Val spent all night with pmj?
Maybe she likes her some canadian bacon?
==============================================
AHAHAHA. Sorry Don- blame Canada.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-07-31 17:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jozudave (user info) at 2004-07-30 01:07:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
Bob is spot on. Sex underwater is amazing. Best scenario is doing it drunk in a Spanish villa`s private pool while the sun comes up at 6am.
I don`t know any other scenarios so that`ll have to do for now.
____________________
holy shit. that has to win..,
I so want to fucking do that before I die.
_____________________
Don, youve tried so hard, wouldnt it be a bitch if Val spent all night with pmj?
Maybe she likes her some canadian bacon?
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-07-31 16:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can be quite intense. In fact, I don't think I have had good sex unless I have to apologise afterwards.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-31 08:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha Adam you're so cute. I saw your comment on the Directory post. Thank you very much! :) Although you are blind you are very cute yourself.
And I absolutely love the pyramid thing. Actually anywhere in Egypt would be grand.
You got your passport... right?
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-31 07:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wrapped in an enormous sheet of bubblewrap. It gets hot, slippery, and you don't get to stop until you've popped every inch of it.
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2004-07-31 07:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
have another +2 for putting this post in the sports category.
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2004-07-31 07:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
most recent fetish - anyone seen TROY? that whole scene where Briseis tried to kill Achilles and ended up fucking him instead? well, to make up for the rest of the time i had to sit in the theatre watching the decapitation of a classic, i just imagined what happened AFTER they cut the scene... oh and instead of that chick with brad... twas me and brad. HA.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2004-07-31 06:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shower is always good, especially with only one candle lit and Tool's Stinkfist playing in the background (seriously, it has the perfect beat to thrust to)....
But one fantasy of mine is to be on top of a pyramid in Egypt, a small thunderstorm overhead drenching our bodies, and a bright full moon in the distance, the lines of her body thrown into bright contrast against the night sky by its silvery light as she rides on top of me, water and sweat sliding down her body, both of us screaming long into the night....
What do you say, Val? I'll save up for a ticket and get me a passport if you give me the green light. :)
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-30 23:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like women munkey, that's about it.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-07-30 22:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is this a return to the Ubersex Fridays???
(Well, I guess it was posted on a Thursday, but still....)
I like the expensive hotel shower idea. And jcricket's idea is nice too... :)
Submitted by BuzzArcher (user info) at 2004-07-30 19:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would give it to her in an uncomfortable place...
like the back of a Volkswagen.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-07-30 19:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I wanted to make love to her in the worst way possible- standing up, in a hammock."
I just remembered that quote, and I felt a need to share it.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 19:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Donitsu - you haven't answered the big question.. how do you like it?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 18:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:50:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
I usually yell NUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
-------------------
hahaha i snorted corona out of my nose when i read this...
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-07-30 18:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the jolie.
minus blood vials
Submitted by ferrisbeuller (user info) at 2004-07-30 18:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post gave me a boner.
I like to titty fuck then give her a pearl necklace.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-07-30 18:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like it with some other chick and a guy (both of whom know EXACTLY what theyre doing), involving handcuffs, leather, whipped cream, lots of mouth action, and every other sort of non-scat, dirty, twisted fucking imaginable. For a day or so, or until I couldn't take it any more. That would be so great that words cannot even describe it. Alas... I want to get laid.
Submitted by Raimee (user info) at 2004-07-30 17:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like kinky, rough, "Let's beat the shit out of each other sex". Biting, scratching and pulling of the hair is all good in my book.
If I could have a night of sex with anyone it would be Chris Carraba or Adam , the lead singer of Maroon 5.
Sex 2 times a day is good for me. Sex 3 times within an hour is even better.
Lately my sex life is rocking. Oh yah!
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 16:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:51:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:49:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
That's it. I am going to get boned. I am giving myself a 2 week time limit. So help me God.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you dont need two weeks, Ubercon is less than a week away.
Mwa hahahaha
=========================================
you know, i totally set myself up for that without even realizing.
shame on me!
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, RJ, yes I do.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:49:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
That's it. I am going to get boned. I am giving myself a 2 week time limit. So help me God.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you dont need two weeks, Ubercon is less than a week away.
Mwa hahahaha
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's it. I am going to get boned. I am giving myself a 2 week time limit. So help me God.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-30 15:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kimmy, you suck.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh.my.god.
Circe, that was some hott shit right there.
Munkey, that little description of yours wasn't so bad either.
Val...you are one sexy bitch! nice post...just what i needed on a friday afternoon. ;-)
Submitted by Micheal Jackson at 2004-07-30 15:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
With a nubile, young lad.
What were you expecting?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-30 15:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
On a sheet of tin foil, with chocolate chips and cookie dough. Pre-heat my oven to 350.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:30:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
then we'd play a game where I'd have to ask her in explicit detail if I could do certain things to her and then she'd have to say "yes" or "no". if she says "yes" then she'll be expecting my touch, but since she's blindfolded,not only will her other sense be heightened, but I'd also take my sweet ass time doing everything
For instance, I'd say, "may I lightly kiss the sides of your breasts and graze my lips against your nipples without kissing or licking them?" or "may I lightly run the tip of my tongue along the curves of your inner thighs?"
and then the game would continue until she goes nuts and tears off her restraints.
-------------------------------------------------------
WOOOOOOW! That is AWESOME!! I just squirted when I read that!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rough, and raw, and nasty. The kind of sex that leaves wristcuffs and toys scattered across the floor. The kind where the rope chafes my wrists and all I can hear is his voice in my ear, saying the kinds of things the dark half of my mind thrills to.
I want it hard and deep, I want to be on my knees on the floor, I want to bite and be bitten, scratch and be clawed. I want to be called names and I want to writhe in feral, wild pleasure. I want to be teased beyond endurance, and then a little further.
And then I want to be wrapped in his arms, and held, and whispered to, and made whole and complete again so that I can be broken next time, over and over and over and...
Oh wait. I mean.. uhm. In a car. Yeah. Car. Heh.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a) Something similar leading up to and including the sex scene from The Thomas Crown Affair. I'd definiely start off the night with some dancing, some champagne, on the slightly uncomfortable staircase, more champagne, and the woman would push me to my physical limits.
b) On a ferris wheel at a county fair. People and kids are all around and she's in her flowery, summer dress under the cover of a warm, summer night...yum.
3) after spending a couple of months away from my lover on a business trip or something, I'd come back and spend a night talking and drinking at dinner, then we'd retire to a hotel. Festivities would involve a blindfold and silk scarves to lightly tie her hands.
then we'd play a game where I'd have to ask her in explicit detail if I could do certain things to her and then she'd have to say "yes" or "no". if she says "yes" then she'll be expecting my touch, but since she's blindfolded,not only will her other sense be heightened, but I'd also take my sweet ass time doing everything
For instance, I'd say, "may I lightly kiss the sides of your breasts and graze my lips against your nipples without kissing or licking them?" or "may I lightly run the tip of my tongue along the curves of your inner thighs?"
and then the game would continue until she goes nuts and tears off her restraints.
or
4) i'd do her somewhere uncomfortable like in the backseat of a volkswagen.
i love that frikkin line.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is for Snuggles
I wanna get you in the back seat windows up
that's the way you like to fuck
fog up all alert
rip the pants and rip the shirt
ruff sex make it hurt
in the garden in the dirt
roll around Georgia Brown that's the way I like it twerk
legs jerk, over worked, under paid, don't be afraid
in the sun or in the shade
on the top of my escalade
baby your girl and my friends can trad
tag team off the rope, on the ocean or in the boat
factores, or hundred spokes
what 'bout in the candy sto' that chocolate chocolate make it melt
whips and chains, handcuffs, smack a little bootie up with my belt
scream help play my game
dracula man I'll get my fangs horse back I'll get my reigns
School teacher let me get my grades
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:12:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
HANDS OFF VAL - I SEEN HER FIRST
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:08:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Munkey- Did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I would like to be?...
----------------------------------------------------------------
oooh a guy and a gal fighting over me. that just made me HOT.
there's enough munkey loving for both of you!!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HANDS OFF VAL - I SEEN HER FIRST
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:08:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Munkey- Did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I would like to be?...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-07-29 20:18:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Face down ass up thats the way I like to fuck.
-----------------------------------------------
Luda! that song kicks ass!!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Val, Is that the type of descriptive fantasies you were looking for?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 )definitely shower. in an expensive hotel room soapy and sudsy. with my hands on the wall while he is pulling my long hair back for deeper penetration with one hand and the other squeezing my boob while I play with my clit. And I want him to finish up in my ass.
2) Big soft fluffy bed with silk bed curtains with a guy AND a girl. I want to be handcuffed and
blindfolded. I want to be tickled and teased. Lots of licking.
3) In the jungle. Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me put peepee in you. Like wild mating animals.
Look at that huge schlong under that loinclothe... mmmm...
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 10:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"i don't care what it is or where it goes. just get it in me."
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-07-30 09:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So put all that together and:
In the basement of a public building tied to the wall with some kind of scarf or something and a blindfold on while we go back and forth from fucking to sucking, first thing in the morning.
Oh yeah, it would have to start slow but work up to hardcore slamming sex.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-07-30 09:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A couple of things:
1. Blindfolds definitely rock, as do light bindings.
2. Being somewhere where you probably won't but it is possible to get caught is awesome
3. Mild kinkiness can be a huge turn on
4. Morning Sex
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-30 08:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard there are black beaches in Hawaii so when it's dark you can't tell where the
sand ends and the sky begins. I think itwould kick ass to have sex on a black Hawaiian
beach it would be like floating except for the sand in your ass crack.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-30 04:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-07-30 04:12:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
why don't girls ever cry out my name when they want a good bang?
goddammit.
------------------
...'Cause you're too impotent to give them one!
SNAP!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-07-30 04:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why don't girls ever cry out my name when they want a good bang?
goddammit.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 04:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whoo! my first post to get on most heated. god im such a n00b.
i need a celebratory bang.
kriiiisssttteeennnnn.......
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny you should mention that... i did my sister once.
.....
oh god... you said "her sister"
...
...
...
hmm... okay then.
Submitted by slyphter (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In some sick twisted sort of way, the perfect sex would be on my honeymoon in my own bed, wtih my bride...
and her sister.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:33:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'd like to dress up like a school girl and be paddled. I think I'd probably have to get drunk though, and my boyfriend would, too, because I don't like being drunk alone. But I'm afraid my his drunk ass would swing to hard and accidentally knock me through a wall or something. That might be a bit embarassing. And uh, painful.
-----------------------
...
Funny you mention that... ahem.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Andrew, get your happy butt online.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
people actually watch Bible Black?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:32:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:42:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
In the rain. Against a tree. I'm wearing a summer dress and he's holding me up and bracing me against the tree. I'm sure in reality it's not very practical, but I like the idea.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
See, it sounds fun, it sounds hot, but that would be an awfully awkward splinter to explain...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Exactly, Kristen. That's why it wouldn't be too practical. Though in the heat of the moment I'm sure I can bear a little pain, but even so, I just don't like the idea of a jagged piece of wood gouging me in my ass.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i masturbated four times in the past twelve hours and i'm still horny. i was on the road for eleven hours straight, thinking about the naughty things i want to do to a certain someone and when i checked into this hotel i had to relieve a lot of tension. five more hours to go... one more state... then i'm home...
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:33:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'd like to dress up like a school girl and be paddled. I think I'd probably have to get drunk though, and my boyfriend would, too, because I don't like being drunk alone. But I'm afraid my his drunk ass would swing to hard and accidentally knock me through a wall or something. That might be a bit embarassing. And uh, painful.
Damn this sex post. It's getting to me.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-07-29 23:39:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with bigmike. I loves me the pink taco. Then I take a chainsaw and weild it like a phallus all about town, asking old ladies and squirrles if the want to get tore up. When I'm done, I rub one out to anime chicks getting their shit ruined in Bible Black.
-------
PLUS TWO FOR BIBLE BLACK!!!!~!!~!~!!!!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:42:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
In the rain. Against a tree. I'm wearing a summer dress and he's holding me up and bracing me against the tree. I'm sure in reality it's not very practical, but I like the idea.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
See, it sounds fun, it sounds hot, but that would be an awfully awkward splinter to explain...
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whilst on a pilgrimage to distant lands on the back of an 8 legged camel.
I know thats not possible, so maybe with a wheelchair bound cripple. If you fuck on a hill, you can push her up, and she'll just role down.
She can't run away either!
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i like the 'cleavland steamer' personally
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:42:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
In the rain. Against a tree. I'm wearing a summer dress and he's holding me up and bracing me against the tree. I'm sure in reality it's not very practical, but I like the idea.
===========================================================================
this one wins. oh yes.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But he was the bomb in Phantoms, yo.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My fingers get more action than I do :(
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, that's just where i like to screw my women. in an uncomfortable place.... LIKE IN THE BUTT.
man, Ben Affleck was chubby in Mallrats.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Godchicken, that just gave me a woody
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:02:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
the back of a volkswagon.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That sounds like a very uncomfortable place...
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
let's see...
One I would like to do again:
In a field, wrapped in a blanket, with her riding me slowly, while snow began to fall. That was a lot of heat on a cold cold day.. woo. A little voyeurism while taking your time. rawr!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-30 03:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the back of a volkswagon.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:58:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really need to be fiddled with.
It's been a while.
Anyone, anywhere, anyhow.
I can do a mean Vin Diesel immiation if anyone so requires...
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and of course, the elevator. Who doesn't have that fantasy?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the rain. Against a tree. I'm wearing a summer dress and he's holding me up and bracing me against the tree. I'm sure in reality it's not very practical, but I like the idea.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's on like donkey kong.
or something kind of sexy.
i'll bring the baby powder. you bring the paperclips.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come to me, Val.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-29 20:24:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it in a spiderman costume
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, that sounds good.
If you could just construct some webshooters for some tied-up-stuck-to-the-wall action, we might make this work.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like Kristen and Val are going to rub nubs. The video will be available on an undisclosed site. IM me for details.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not a religious man, but I'll be praying for that
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kristen, we should totally hook up.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
(DarthFaded - I am quite certain there are additional categories of sex
....like colors primary and otherwise.)
Sex is a delicious mind game played on the body.
Sometimes it's a night for poker, others war, occasionally backgammon, too frequently Risk, and once Pictionary.
The game often dictates the opponent and vice versa.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
alright.. best possible sexual scenario, got me thinking, so i decided to make a list:
midgets : 2
dark, creepy old guys with half a beard : 1
Kristen/Val : fuck it, both
genie lamp : 1
guitar strings : 1 (acoustic set, heavy )
vegetables/fruit : 1 (preferably cucumbers, but watermelon will do)
blindfolds : 2
Teletubby mascot suits : 1
reservations at cheap motel, or Best Western : 1
after consulting my list several times, i came up with the following scenario:
after checking into the motel, i would tie Kristen and Val together and to the bedposts, being sure to blindfold them as well. then, i would suit up into my teletubby suit and prepare to administer my sexual deviances. i would administer the watermellon/cucumber to all of the girl's orafaces, telling them it was my gynormous cock.
the midgets, you say? they would be standing guard outside the room in the bushes, as midgets are easily concealed, and many know kung fu (yes, it is a well kept secret among them, but i've seen it).
the dark, creepy old man with half a beard due to crack usage? he would also be on security detail, asking any potential intruders if they'd like to, "rub my magic lamp?"
-----
wardy
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-07-30 02:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i would have to say with Vin Diesel in the show-- wait, let me see if someone already said this one... aw man, someone already said that! nevermind.
i want to give it to that Lisa girl in her butt.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 01:53:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shhh.... you hear that?
It's the sound of hoo-hoo's everywhere tingling with delight.
And Don- I'm on my super-secret-stalker-screenname.
If I told you...
Bwahaha!
Everyone check out the *NEW* Uber directory! It's finally up and running!
Submitted by Marauder (user info) at 2004-07-30 01:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, we have one night of no strings, no consequences, no promises sex
that is fast and hard including but not limited to fucking against a wall
in a tacky motel room with lots of oral, handcuffs, blindfolds and icecubes.
Entering following parameters thru dirty mind matrix...........
Processing.....
Processing.....
-- 505 ERROR --
Continuing.....
Processing.....
Analysis Complete
Anwser: Woman blindfolded and handcuffed to the shower rod in the
Americana Hotel with lots of fast hard sex up against the wall and oral
lasting hours while drinking an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts.
My chainsaw is in the shop.
So is that good enough for ya?
Submitted by WallFlower (user info) at 2004-07-30 01:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It would be with my voice lessons teacher, Ryan Villaverde. Yummy...Cuban Italian.....
It would be at a party where I performed with my band (Scenic Route. Now playing shows in Houston, Tx and surrounding areas. Yay!). We would go upstairs to the master bedroom (probablly the parents room of the person throwing the party while mummy and daddy are out of town) and Ryan (DROOL) would show me what a man he is by throwing me on the bed and taking me so long and hard I would have bruises for weeks.
Biting, scratching, screaming--the whole nine yards...or inches, in Ryan's case. ;)
Submitted by Deserteaglekiller at 2004-07-30 01:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cant beat the
Bedroom floor(or any floor) ...
Barry white playing in the backround...
lasting longer than 2 hours...
madily in love sex
nuff said
Submitted by Jozudave (user info) at 2004-07-30 01:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bob is spot on. Sex underwater is amazing. Best scenario is doing it drunk in a Sapnish villa`s private pool while the sun comes up at 6am.
I don`t know any other scenarios so that`ll have to do for now.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-07-30 01:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you on Val? IM ME DAMNIT!
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-30 00:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by I want Val right now <notastalkerpsycofuck.at.hotmail.c> at 2004-07-29 23:55:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
p.s. Big hands turn me on....
OK, I totally want you. You seem liek such a cool chick and I am a bog fan of hard spontaneous sex in elevators, stairwells and cheap motels. Let's fuck baby.
==========================
you're anonymous username is amazing. people, learn from example here. this fine young man (woman?) is showing his or her gratitude and awe of my sheer, gravity defying awesomeness. you can all learn a thing or two from don. i mean... anonymous username.
by the way, i am also a bog fan. those cranberries kick some massive ass.
(haha, get it? subtle humor. kind of. im sorry.)
Submitted by I want Val right now <notastalkerpsycofuck.at.hotmail.c> at 2004-07-29 23:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
p.s. Big hands turn me on....
Submitted by I want Val right now <notastalkerpsycofuck.at.hotmail.c> at 2004-07-29 23:54:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, I totally want you. You seem liek such a cool chick and I am a bog fan of hard spontaneous sex in elevators, stairwells and cheap motels. Let's fuck baby.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-07-29 23:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ohhhhh how...
err...
for as long as possible, in as many ways as possible...
with as many women as possible.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-07-29 23:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Id take my french teacher, in class, on top of her desk.
OHHHHHH.
I also want to have sex underwater...like in a pool or while scubadiving.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-07-29 23:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with bigmike. I loves me the pink taco. Then I take a chainsaw and weild it like a phallus all about town, asking old ladies and squirrles if the want to get tore up. When I'm done, I rub one out to anime chicks getting their shit ruined in Bible Black.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-07-29 23:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right now a warm, slippery feeling on my cock would be great.
I can always close my eyes if I don't like who's doing it or how it's being done.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-07-29 23:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"5 and a quarter"
Holy shit that's funny.
My ideal night of sex is one where the woman let's me pleasure her orally until she can't take it anymore. I like oral.
You think there might be something lacking in my life? :)
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-29 23:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not enough chainsaw.
Sex swings look fun though...
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-07-29 23:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I seem to remember this penis conversation somewhere. Something that involved how nice the teeth were, though......
Mine would be Val upside down in a shag swing that was twisted up. Then put liquid silk on her hands, grab the Donkey's cock, then spin till a guiser of spum came forth.
Is that dirty enough, Val?
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-07-29 22:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best sex is when my penis goes into the woman's vagina more than once before she has the chance to ask me if it's in yet. :(
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At this point, anyway I can get it.
I'm all alone.
Submitted by Lije (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Public transportation. With plenty of subtle caressing and not-so-subtle rubbing through each other's clothing while attempting to appear nonchalant, even bored, to everyone else on the plane/bus/etc. Eventually it would have to move to somewhere affording a little more privacy. But the nerve-tingling, pulse-racing, light-headed anticipation with the foreplay would really make it.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't beat crazy, slippery, hot, steamy shower sex.
All soaped up.
Hittin it from the back, her hands up against the wall, her back arched, my hands on her hips, fucking like theres no tomorrow.
In a ridiculously expensive hotel room.
With NIN "Closer" or AIC "Down in a hole" playing in the background.
_#@$(&$_(##@_)*$#)*&)(#
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
on the hood of my car on a deserted highway in the rain on a hot day
or something like that
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sidenote: I'm surprised no one commented on my ginormo hands again.
Actual Comment: I expected all of your minds to be a lot dirtier than this... more anime, chainsaws, and pudding.
You disappoint me.
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-07-29 20:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
On a public beach in broad daylight with a girl-next-door type who is talented at giving oral.
We'd be the only ones there, so maybe it'd be during the lifeguard's lunch break on a not-so busy day...
Look what you've done. Now I've gotten myself all hot and bothered.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-07-29 20:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-07-29 20:18:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Face down ass up thats the way I like to fuck.
----------
This gets another +2. Plus it reminds me that I never got this tape back after my mom confiscated it.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-29 20:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it in a spiderman costume
Submitted by Snuggles_The_Assassin (user info) at 2004-07-29 20:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Face down ass up thats the way I like to fuck.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fine, I'll do it.
...in the pooper.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Salad tossing. Ohhhhh yeah baby.
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sex.......ahhhhhhhhhhhhh sex........
shit I accidentally sent it but here is the rest of it.
The way I see it there are 3 variation on Coitus.
they are:
Making love- emotional romantic, melting passion in a sea of bedsheets.
Having sex- routine, get yours got mine, thank you pittsburgh, goodnight
Fucking- Your clothes are in the way, get them off and let me realize all my dirty little pleasures with your body like a child with a toy, -or- I am drunk and need to get my privates played with.
You can do all 3 with the same person, or any of them with one person.
I will leave you with this.
Sex is like pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In public, like by/in a fountain, at night, in the rain.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Men or women, I don't care. I'm bi.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My foot, your arse, no lube, we're there.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would come like 55 times in 2 hours.
Dammit, I am jealous of my wife!
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sex.......ahhhhhhhhhhhhh sex........
Submitted by UnAssKickable (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with Kristen on that one. Except I don't have boobs. But random sex is good. Slippery? sounds fun to me.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I decided to let those little lists on the left help me make up my choices here. So, based on the Most Recently Reviewed I'd be saying in a Port-O-Crapper, with Rizzo. That didn't sound like much fun, so I went to the Most Heated. There I'd be in Boston with comicbookguy, and, while Boston does sound better than a Port-O-Crapper (slightly), that still doesn't seem very tempting. Based on the Most Viewed Messages, I'll be with Donovan, having sex in a bum's ass. I don't like bum's asses, so we'll move to the MVA where I make my final decision. I'll be having sex with Bart, and it doesn't matter where, as long as there is cheese involved.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not trying to ruin it... I like painful sex... just with a member of the opposite sex.
Care to join me?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Val.
I'd kind of like to do the whole kinky scene from Fatal Attraction. You know, the boiling bunny.
Actually, my idea of perfect sex is spontaneous sex. Routine sex is fine for Monday nights, but there's something intruiging about not knowing that your boobs will be played with for 6.2 minutes, followed by 11 minutes of missionary position sex and a spank upon climax. Slippery sex sounds pretty good, too. Oh, and toss some sort of voyeuristic aspect in there-even just a mirror next to the bed. And an after-sex pizza. Meat lovers with extra cheese. Yeah, I think that's it.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At least I'm a girl and I have the correct lack of plumbing, otherwise their might bepain involved.
-----
Stop trying to ruin my dreams. Besides, who doesn't like painful sex?? That's just ridiculous
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:49:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:46:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
It would be with Vin Diesel in a large shower. He would be behind me....
-
Damn, someone beat me to it
***********************
At least I'm a girl and I have the correct lack of plumbing, otherwise their might bepain involved.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like it with women.
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It'd be with the red head that haunts my dreams. On a sandy beach, in a tent, at night. And it would last all night long.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I usually yell NUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:46:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
It would be with Vin Diesel in a large shower. He would be behind me....
-
Damn, someone beat me to it
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It would be with Vin Diesel in a large shower. He would be behind me.... ok no more thinking like this at work.