..when was the last time you thought of yourself as a man....??? (461 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.94 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <shauncreaney.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-07-29 17:48:13 EDT
i'm not much of a man myself. considered to be sub-par in the world of manliness and macho virility, i came to thinking, 'what makes one a man'? certainly, a testament to manhood isn't just phallic swords swinging and dipping into vaginal orifices, since many a gay man, free of vaginal ecstasy, are still considered men. (game hen). more so, i dare say that 'being the man' doesn't require any sort of burly build or grand feats of strength. maybe in days of yore, (the hyborean age), people such as blacksmiths with huge arms and calves were the real men of their time, but nowadays, that atavistic virtue has whithered away. so what is it that determines who is 'da man'? financial status and economic wealth perhaps? courage under fire? well...not entirely.
to date, it seems that the real 'men' of our time aren't tough or austere or barbaric or even altogether super-wealthy. the real winners are the moderately-to-decently attractive, well groomed, well dressed, witty, well-spoken charmers with a big wallet and a big loin impaler. i like to think of these types as fake-ass, piss-ant liars who masquerade and apply as much make-up to their falsettos as the damn bitches they try to lure into the bedroom. i'm thinking that these 'men' are actually women in disguise. i think you know what i mean: straight bleached white teeth, metrosexual haircuts, fake-ass salon bed tans..cuz these fags don't have time for the sun....oooh cancer.
plenty of gold jewelry to advertise wealth, a fucking smirk permantly plastered on their faces to make them look arrogantly collected and intelligent, a somewhat muscular build tenuously held together by their fashionably surfer type ecto-mesomorphism...probably donning a turtle neck sweater and a piece of inordinately priced metal puncturing the left ear as well....and this is somehow considered manly. spending more time buying hair styling products and the latest brands of colone than women do trying to select the most comfortable and snuggly fitting tampon. you effete bastards! i hope your dick feels good after you fuck that bitch cuz that's the only thing that separates you from that blubbering vagina. hah, you're not a man...
well....i'm not for this new wave of purported manliness. i'm not even a true man myself.
i've composed the following list which is by no means exhaustive, but may offer some insight into what i think it takes to be a man....in no particular order.....
you aren NOT a man until you have............
paid for sexual intercourse (ask my friend Tex)
killed a dying mammal out of clemency (suck it up you carnivore)
eaten food out of a garbage can (food is food, why starve?)
been beaten to the ground by an asshole (shit happens)
reciprocated ten-fold against that asshole (don't take that shit)
performed self-surgery (see Rambo III)
shat in the outdoors (you like everything to be prissy clean)
dry shaven your face with a single-bladed razor (don't be a sissy)
lived in a third world country (insular north americans have no reason to bitch)
seen a woman give birth (grotesqueness needs to be experienced)
gotten your hands bloody (anyone's blood will do, even your own)
picked up a limp, lifeless human body (ever seen a person die in your arms?)
lastly and paradoxically....
killed another man... (it's what we were meant to do....)
User Reviews
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man Test:
paid for sexual intercourse: Not yet. Monetary Reasons.
killed a dying mammal out of clemency: nope.
eaten food out of a garbage can: never. not even like george costanza did.
been beaten to the ground by an asshole: nope.
reciprocated ten-fold against that asshole: nada
performed self-surgery: i have removed my own stitches!!!
shat in the outdoors: never pooped on the grass
dry shaven your face with a single-bladed razor: yea, its not bad.
lived in a third world country: Does Long Island count?
seen a woman give birth: Does Video count?
gotten your hands bloody: Yea
picked up a limp, lifeless human body: nope.
Am I a Man?
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-07-30 00:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The moment difines the man, the man never defines the moment
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've done almost everything on this list..Directly or indirectly....and it in no way makes me a man....Taking care of my lovely wife, kids and friends to the best of my ability, does.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
paid for sexual intercourse (ask my friend Tex)
Been there, done that
killed a dying mammal out of clemency (suck it up you carnivore)
I dunno, what clemency? to eat, or mercy? Or just for fun? done it all.
eaten food out of a garbage can (food is food, why starve?)
Yep.
been beaten to the ground by an asshole (shit happens)
Yep.
reciprocated ten-fold against that asshole (don't take that shit)
Yep
performed self-surgery (see Rambo III)
Yep. Removed glass from arm, used sewing kit to give self stiches. Still have scar
shat in the outdoors (you like everything to be prissy clean)
I was in the army, duh.
dry shaven your face with a single-bladed razor (don't be a sissy)
see above.
lived in a third world country (insular north americans have no reason to bitch)
Lived in a third world country? How about "stayed in the field for 6 months straight without a shower, without seeing a woman, and doing manly things like blowing shit up. Will that do? Oh yeah, only eating MRE's.
seen a woman give birth (grotesqueness needs to be experienced)
Yep
gotten your hands bloody (anyone's blood will do, even your own)
yep
picked up a limp, lifeless human body (ever seen a person die in your arms?)
Yep
lastly and paradoxically....
killed another man... (it's what we were meant to do....)
If I had, would I be proud of it?
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-07-29 21:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One time I tried PCP and...
Nice picture by the way. Should've given it to him in the ass.
Submitted by screaney (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
moose74, regarding the legalised prostitution, i'm not really sure about that. i was thinking more along the lines of....picking up some whore off the street, having my way with her, and then dropping her a 50 spot. that's all. as for the dry razor, i had to do it because i had nothing but woman's single-bladed leg razors (please don't ask why) and no shaving cream to lather my face with. i seem to be dry shaving more and more each week. egad...
Submitted by screaney (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you guys bring up some good points, not all of which i gave much thought before writing this piece o' junk. anyways, i appreciate the criticism and just thought i'd post this for your amusement.
Submitted by moose74 (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the pic alone, however I'm going to test my manliness:
paid for sexual intercourse - Well, does legalized prostitution (dinner & a movie) count?
killed a dying mammal out of clemency - Had to shoot a kitten once.
eaten food out of a garbage can - I dropped a piece of bread into a trash can once, pulled it out and ate it (there was nothing else in the trash can at the time)
been beaten to the ground by an asshole - nope
reciprocated ten-fold against that asshole - nope
performed self-surgery - I removed a splinter from my finger once
shat in the outdoors - Didn't like it, but I did it
dry shaven your face with a single-bladed razor - Why would anyone in their right mind do this?
lived in a third world country - No, but I do live in Ohio, that's pretty close
seen a woman give birth - Only every fucking time I surf past the fucking learning channel.
gotten your hands bloody - yes, yes I have
picked up a limp, lifeless human body - nope
lastly and paradoxically....
killed another man... - nope, unless you count video games and then my total is probably approaching 1,000,000
7/13 I guess I'm not very manly.
Submitted by Just_me_and_the_cats (user info) at 2004-07-29 19:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
7 out of 10. Christ, I'm only just breaking even.
Having said that, I work in an office with 12 women.
I'm the only guy.
To date, I have not:
-suddenly gained an appreciation for musicals.
-suddenly decided that cooking is fun and not a chore.
-suddenly feel that it IS okay to cry when I'm having a bad day.
-suddenly learned to enjoy shopping for clothes, furniture or knicknacks.
-suddenly realized that conversations about pregnancy and birth are really quite fascinating.
-suddenly (and much to my own horror) come to the conclusion that all men are bastards, and damn them all to hell.
-suddenly started complementing my 'sistahs' on their clothing choices just to perk them up, no matter how much they have that 'just bedded,' 'just tackled,' or 'just coded' look.
Submitted by abefroman42 (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hells yeah, looks like i am a plus 2 man
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-07-29 18:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
killed a dying mammal out of clemency (suck it up you carnivore)
eaten food out of a garbage can (food is food, why starve?)
shat in the outdoors (you like everything to be prissy clean)
dry shaven your face with a single-bladed razor (don't be a sissy)
seen a woman give birth (grotesqueness needs to be experienced)
gotten your hands bloody (anyone's blood will do, even your own)
picked up a limp, lifeless human body (ever seen a person die in your arms?)
killed another man... (it's what we were meant to do....)
I'm 8 of 13 I guess.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-29 17:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
don't agree on quite a few points. a man should be solid and unwavering in any situation yet have the strength to accept what IS, not what he wants to see.