Angry Goth Kids To The Left Of Me, Cheerleaders To Right, Here I Am Stuck In the Middle With Fear. (3505 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.9 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Shark25 (View user info) at 2004-07-30 13:46:50 EDT
After a particular night of heavy drinking I felt the need for food. And where do you go to get food at 2:00a.m? That's right people my friend Dru and I headed to the Denny's. As soon as we got there Dru got a call from one of our buddies who wanted to grab a bite with us but needed a ride. Dru told me to go inside and grab a seat while he went to get our friend. I went inside and got a table and looked to my left.
Well there they were the obligatory Goth kids that always dwell inside these particular eateries during the late hours. As I sat there I could hear little quips about being a "conformist" and how they were "loners" while I was just like the "normal people".
There were ten of them sitting there. How can you be a loner when you are hanging out with nine other like-minded folks? Well anyway I am sitting there drinking my water smoking a cigarette when I heard it. It was the sound that causes fear, death, and annoyance. It was the sound of 15 cheerleaders coming into the Denny's. And imagine my surprise when they sat at the table to the right of me.
Now you may or may not be asking yourselves "hey Shark how do you know they were cheerleaders?" Well they were all dressed very preppy and they kept talking about cheerleading practice. But what really gave it away were their jackets that said cheer squad. I am a regular Sherlock Motherfuckin Holmes.
Then everything got quiet in the restaurant. The cheerleaders were staring at the Goths and the Goths looked back at the cheerleaders. You could fell the fear in the room. I could hear people whispering prayers to get out alive. People calling family members telling them 'I love you." The stupidity was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
MMMMM Thick Stupidity UGGGGGHHHHHHH.
Sorry I'm back.
Now the two groups where talking amongst themselves about the other group. Easily heard by the other for the pissed off factor.
Goth Girl: The sluts are here.
Cheer: The freaks are in da house.
I just sat there frozen. Knowing that one swift move from me could start what would be known as WWIII. Knowing that mankind was depending on me to be it's savior and stop this war before it began I decided I needed to do something.
Me: Alright kids people are trying to eat here. Why don't you guys just get your food, eat, and leave.
If I had known the shit storm I was bringing I would have stopped myself.
They all looked at me like I was the antichrist. I imagined my mom standing over my casket crying and my headstone that would read.
Here lies Matt
He got his ass handed to him by a bunch of fuck ups.
Dumb Ass.
So anyway as I just sat there the lead Goth girl and cheerleader girl started to exchange words.
Cheer: Damn Cathy what happened to you? You used to be cool.
Goth: Fuck you Tracy. Just because I don't want to follow you around everywhere and act just like you and your prostitution ring.
Me: BURN! MOTHERFUCKER!
As I realized I said that out loud I quickly hung my head and looked at the table.
Cheer: Go get some sun freak.
Goth: Get a personality whore.
Cheer: Go suck a dick.
Goth: Eat my cunt. Oh Wait you already did that at the Dave's party last year.
Me: huh....wait...... what?
At this point cheer girls face turned bight red and tears started to come down her face. I could not help myself.
Me: Did you go lesbo with the Goth?
Cheer: She wasn't Goth then. Wait...NO!
The cheerleader's friends started to look at each other and whisper and she just exploded.
Cheer: Fuck you!!
With that she threw her glass across the room and it hit a Goth kid in the face. I decided it might be a good time to take cover. As I sat under my table I could hear cheerleaders say things like "OMG!! I GOT HOT COFFEE ON ME IT BURNS!!!!!!!" And I could hear Goths say "TAKE THAT YOU STUPID LITTLE WHORES!!!."
As the manager and servers kicked the girls out and got control over the madness Dru walked in with our friend Josh. I was still under the table and the only thing Dru could saw was smoke coming from under the table and me laughing my ass off.
Dru: What the fuck happened?
Me: Fight.
Dru: What started it?
Me: Who knows how these things get started.
Good Times.
User Reviews
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-10-18 21:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
beauty-ful
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-18 21:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The stupidity was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
MMMMM Thick Stupidity UGGGGGHHHHHHH."
goth chicks can be fucking hot
but then she starts crying while you're pounding her and that's when you know you gotta drive the stake through her heart
Submitted by Kiwi <sakura-cardcaptor.at.comcast.net> at 2004-10-04 23:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good. I love it, makes me almost think I miss something at a public school. Great job with this, it's funny as hell.
~Kiwi
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-04 08:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You shoulda organized a cheerleader & goth girl orgy.
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-08-05 14:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UnAssKickable (user info) at 2004-07-30 20:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No wonder you get so much ass in Because the Future is Über.
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2004-07-30 20:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me: BURN! MOTHERFUCKER!
Hilarious.
Submitted by 01011010 (user info) at 2004-07-30 20:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that's 'MOE' like it.
Submitted by camor (user info) at 2004-07-30 19:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Marauder (user info) at 2004-07-30 19:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goth: Eat my cunt. Oh Wait you already did that at the Dave's party last year.
Me: huh....wait...... what?
Funny shit..
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-07-30 18:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! This is highly amusing. Classic.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-07-30 17:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am fucking psychic! I knew a Denny's reference would be in this post!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-30 16:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This could have ruled.
Submitted by master-beta (user info) at 2004-07-30 16:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-2 for poor grammer/lack of spellcheck. +2 for a good idea for a story. 0 overall because you could've done much more with this.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-30 16:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:25:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
It was good, but not nearly his best.
People grow some balls...or ovaries
_____________________________________________
Fuck that shit! Shark, I thought this was defintiely some of your best shit. I haven't laughed that hard in a long while.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-07-30 16:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lesbians!! Whooo
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-07-30 16:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellence.
Submitted by TeenageDirtBag (user info) at 2004-07-30 16:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love you
Submitted by RowboatRobot (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A splendid romp.
Submitted by lrw (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking BEST. so best. nice. wish i could've been there..
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is the #1 highest rated post on uber right now..
enjoy it while it lasts...wait till the assholes click best ever of all time and -1 every post on there.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was good, but not nearly his best.
People grow some balls...or ovaries
Submitted by whiskeyjack (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking awesome, not just funny but it referenced a cheerleader eating out another chick, can't go wrong there
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here lies Matt
He got his ass handed to him by a bunch of fuck ups.
Dumb Ass.
hahaha
good story
Submitted by plushpeach (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed you hard I peed. But just a little.... umm.... what?
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2004-07-30 15:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I won't ruin the streak, it was good.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wonderful
Submitted by Uptown_Alexa (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to be thinking about a cheerleader and a goth having lesbian sex all fucking night, now...
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
clearly not your best work Shark, but ruining a perfect streak is just bad karma
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
meh, not crazy about it...but not a big enough dick to break the +2 chain.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
phinch, I have a photoshop question. If you have AIM, could you please IM me? My screen name is rentsregkire.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fighting stories kick ass.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Who knows how these things get started"
Fucking priceless.
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Story Shark! +2 for the title alone.
LGF
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always had a thing for goth chicks, which is weird because I'm about as un-goth as it's possible to be.
Submitted by facenuts (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shark attack!
It's not because they are goth or cheerleaders, silly. It's because they are women.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:54:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
In highschool i had sex with a cheerleader and a goth girl. The vagina is the same no matter what music you listen to, unless it's country, and then your vagina is a shrivelled prune of redneckedness.
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+2 for the post, AND for this review... christ almighty.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have submitted to B@W
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha I fuckin' love these stories. I don't know what's better, Shark's Antics or Jimbo and Tom. Fuck! it's so great. If you ever come to Vegas to do stand up, let me know.
-BongZilla
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! loki said street cred
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what happened when you get served and then you serve them back? It's on that's what happens.
(I have no street cred what-so-ever)
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheerleaders just bring it.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by savethepunks (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:56:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome times, but I'm confused, the cheerleader threw the cup, and then you heard they saying the
coffee burns. Who threw what and when? And where was the manager in all this?
**************************************************************************************************
They all started throwing shit at each other after the first cup was trown. The manager was trying to get things under control the whole time.
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-07-30 14:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure gold.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read jimbo's comment before I read the post, and as I was about three quarters through I thought it had set unrealistic expectations. Then I read on, and I laughed.
"OMG!! I GOT HOT COFFEE ON ME IT BURNS!!!!!!!"
Submitted by savethepunks (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome times, but I'm confused, the cheerleader threw the cup, and then you heard they saying the
coffee burns. Who threw what and when? And where was the manager in all this?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ALright, 2am at Denny's you must have known the shit was going to hit the fan!
gold, damn I seriously just hid under my desk because I was laughing so hard
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In highschool i had sex with a cheerleader and a goth girl. The vagina is the same no matter what music you listen to, unless it's country, and then your vagina is a shrivelled prune of redneckedness.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha. I love this shit.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shark, don't ever change.
Please, for the love of my sanity whilst at my boring job,
Don't ever change.
"Did you go lesbo with the goth girl?"
"She wasn't goth back then....Wait! NO!"
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-07-30 13:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamnit, I think I just pissed myself. This is fucking hilarious.