Fun on public transportation (701 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.14 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by dwr_budr (View user info) at 2004-07-31 21:49:40 EDT
Okay, anyone that has been for a ride on a public bus will know that these things are like little entry ways into the Twilight Zone. You see some of the most surreal situations there, they are like ghetto back alleys on wheels. I've seen a toothless retard who would shove his entire fist into his mouth and proceed to compulsively gnaw away at it, I've seen a bum who stank like piss stumbling around in a daze with random pills dangling from his greasy beard, I've seen a guy who would have to obsessivly stop at every line in the floor to properly align his feet before moving on, and while these examples were all mildly amusing, nothing was quite as disturbingly funny as what I witnessed this afternoon.
It all started when one of those arrogant fat girls in skin tight hip hugger pants and a belly shirt sat down in front of me and whipped out a cell phone. Normally this wouldn't be that big a deal, except that every time I turned my head to the left I was treated to the sight of her attempting to yank her belly shirt down over her meaty sides, yet she never quite succeeded. At one point I saw something rising out from her hip high pants which resembled a shoe string, at the sight of which I had to fight down a wave of nausea as my imagination began to unravel the mystery of a what a shoe string might be doing buried away in those pants.
Anyway, at some point a guy with MS happened to get on and pull up directly across from Girl Mountain. I don't quite remember at what point he got on, as I was obsessed with not looking in her general direction, but at the next stop I couldn't help but stare as all hell broke loose. The train pulled to a stop, and as the "Doors to my right" announcment went out over the speakers, she stood up to leave. As she turned to toward the doorway and took at most three steps, I hear a loud wail and quickly turn my head to see the MS guy slam on the gas, wheel his chair around and start zooming toward the big girl. At first I thought maybe he just wasn't paying attention and was about to miss his stop, yet as I observed the scene I noticed he wasn't controlling his chair, but rather was flailing his limbs wildly about while being dragged towards the door by a bunch of strings that were dangling from the big girl. These strings (after seeing the one in her pants I didn't even want to THINK about where they were coming from) had somehow managed to attach themselves to the joystick on the guy's wheelchair, twisting it around as she moved out the door, and yanking him helplessly along. The first thought that ran through my head was that this poor bastard is gonna be drug off the train to his death like Ahab, attached to the great white whale by harpoons and ropes from previous attempts to bring her down. Luckily the guy managed to flail his clawed hand onto the joystick rather quickly and yank the cords off, less than a foot from the doorway, and certain demise.
Mind you, this all happened in the space of a few seconds, but it all went down in slow motion like a car wreck. The big bitch didn't even apologize for lassoing the guy with her nasty ass ropes, nor did she miss a beat on her phone conversation as she turned and strode through the door and on her way without a care in the world. At first I was pissed that this huge pile of woman nearly drug this poor guy to his doom and didn't even bat an eye, yet I was soon treated to a sight of sweet revenge as she rounded the corner and began to cross the street, at which point a truck slammed into her, launching her a good forty feet before she came to rest in a bloody, broken pile in the gutter. Sometimes life just works out right, I guess.
Anyway, this is my first thread in this scary place, so I hope it doesn't suck too bad, although after lurking around some of the other threads here I'm sure it does.
Oh, and I made up that part about her getting hit by the truck. Man, that would have been sweet, wouldn't it?
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-15 00:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rads_wife (user info) at 2005-06-14 23:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?id=68475
WINNER!!!
Submitted by Via (user info) at 2004-08-01 11:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Ahab reference.
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-08-01 05:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck You.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-08-01 05:36:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm drunk and this is funny. Maybe if i was high this would suck. If i was sober this may warrant a +1, I'm peeing on myself listening to Lacuna Coil.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-08-01 05:07:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-08-01 04:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ass ropes...good&inventive
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-08-01 03:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A woman has a chihuahua in her purse. An old man enters the train.
Old man: Cute dog. Do you take him everywhere?
Woman: Uh huh. We saw Spider-man yesterday.
Old man: You saw Spider-man yesterday?
Woman: Yeah.
Old man: How did you like it?
Woman: Oh, you know. It is what it is.
Old man: Not that great, huh? Ha, ha. Well, take care.
The man leaves the train. The woman looks down at her dog.
Woman: That was weird.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-07-31 21:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i didn't really like the ending, but the rest was good