I work for Wal-Mart......I'm sorry. (2238 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.53 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (View user info) at 2004-08-01 17:54:28 EDT
Alright. I work for Wal-Mart. I used to be in management, and I can say without any doubt whatsoever that if you shop at Wal-Mart, I more than likely hate you. But that's beside the point of this post.
Everyone thinks Wal-Mart is a cult, and there are thousands of compelling arguments to be made that it IS a cult. So am here to offer to you, the Uber reader, a window into the world of Wal-Mart.
Ask me anything you want.
I'll leave you with my favorite Wal-Mart anecdote:
About three years ago, I was a GM Co-Manager in a metro store when I was approached by an older lady who was very upset that we were out of a particular brand of toilet paper. She had asked when the sacred TP would be back in stock, and I just happened to have a Telxon (scanning type device to see if the shit paper was on order) so I scanned the label and discovered that the papier du toilette was out at the warehouse.
End of story, normally. The correct answer to her question is that I simply couldn't say when the warehouse would get back in stock, so I offered to give her any other brand of toilet paper and just simply let her try it for free (I was great on the customer service shit). I could tell she was uncomfortable with this solution and asked her what exactly she was looking for in toilet paper.
Strength.
I was interested, to say the least, about why a 90 lb, elderly lady had to have toilet paper whose main quality was strength, but politeness prevented me from coming out and asking, so i offered to give her a four pack of double-ply toilet paper, when she volunteered the information:
It had to be strong, because sometimes when she wiped, her thumb broke through the toilet paper.
I wound up giving her four different brands of four pack tp just to get her out of the store so I wouldn't crack up in front of her.
To this day, I don't understand how someone can wipe themselves and risk thumb/rectal contact by penetrating toilet paper, but goddamn I love that story.
Random picture of stupid Wal-Mart shoppers doing stupid shit:
User Reviews
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-12 05:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
working for the man, while giving other folks veiled ideas to rip off the man. +2
I have a few good stories about ripping off the man, but I'm saving them up for my half assed post. Which is all I post.
Submitted by EvrenWasHere at 2004-09-02 22:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by technu (user info) at 2004-08-11 03:52:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, I hate wal-mart, when ever i go in there, Its like a fucking city. and no one knows where shit is!
I found a way to rip off wal mart.
I use a lot of spray paint, to add color to my city,
I grab 5 cans of 5$ paint and 1 1$ can of paint, go to self checkout, scan it 6 times, and poof 6 cans for 6$
Thanks for the +2, but it's scary that the best rip off you can come up with is paint.
Submitted by technu (user info) at 2004-08-11 03:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, I hate wal-mart, when ever i go in there, Its like a fucking city. and no one knows where shit is!
I found a way to rip off wal mart.
I use a lot of spray paint, to add color to my city,
I grab 5 cans of 5$ paint and 1 1$ can of paint, go to self checkout, scan it 6 times, and poof 6 cans for 6$
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-08-07 16:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to stab those kids to death. Then I'll cut out their fat, make a suit, and stay warm during the harsh winter season.
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2004-08-07 15:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story, and that picture's the cherry on top.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-07 15:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Insider stuff; all phone extensions in all stores are the same, so if you find a phone in the store, keying "#96" puts you on the intercom, dialing 129 connects you to the fitting room (the store's main operator), 170 calls the manager's office, etc. To call a department, dial "1" plus the department number (thus calling electronics is 105 (1 plus 05)), infants would be 126 (1 plus 26 for the departmnet), etc. The only time this may be different is in older stores, but all newer stores are set up the same.
Submitted by mujer_alterada (user info) at 2004-08-07 15:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny *Ü*
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-07 15:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Been out of town on vacation for a while.
Insider codes; depending on locality, intercom pages for "L-10" or "Code 10" are calls for in-store loss prevention. Most newer stores have a loss prevention office with extension 197, so some stores will page for Extension 197 to call another extension or come to another department.
Department 5 is electronics, Department 6 is the Photo Lab area, Department 7 is toys and Department 56 is cosmetics. These areas are the most prone to theft, and thus the most frequently watched.
If you ever hear an overhead page for a security scan or a request to check that all department cameras are on and scanning, chances are pretty good that someone suspects that there is a potential thief in the store and they are trying to deter them.
As far as returning stuff from e-bay for higher return prices, happens all the time. My favorite gag is when something around the house dies (most recently a college guy returned a vacuum cleaner), go to your local store and buy a new one, then clean up the one that died so it doesn't look too bad, wait a week or two, and return it as defective and get a refund. Since you have a recent receipt, you will always get a refund instead of having to mess with warranty returns. Be careful with this on high dollar or traceable items though; this was happening in a store that I worked at with computers and PS2s; the people doing it were eventually caught and charged with racketeering along with theft (mainly because they weren't very smart; they were getting gift cards instead of cash then buying meth making supplies with the cards; gift cards are just as traceable as credit cards).
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-08-02 09:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like how half the responses are on how to steal or cheat walmart.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-01 23:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't beat price at Wal-Mart, but there's really no point. If there's a deal on something, it's off the shelves in six seconds.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-01 23:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't give you a +2 because you're one of "them".
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-08-01 23:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is half a question and half a little story of my own.
A while ago I ordered The Wall by Pink Floyd off of eBay for about 15 bucks. That's a pretty good price for a factory-sealed double-album. At Wal-Mart, the price was $29.99. Anyway, I got the CD, but it turns out it wasn't actually factory sealed. It was used, and had then been shrink-wrapped, and part of the shrink-wrapping was torn off. I was kinda pissed.
The next day, I'm going through this used record store and I see a used copy of The Wall for 6 bucks. I pick it up just for the hell of it. Then I thought of a little plan.
I brought my eBay-purchased copy of The Wall in to the Wal-Mart customer service place. I said that I received it as a gift, and wanted to exchange it, but I didn't have a receipt. The UPC was printed on the back cover of the CD itself, so the customer service lady scanned it, and handed me a gift card for $31 and change, which was Wal-Mart's price for the CD plus tax.
After spending a grand total of $21, I was left with a perfectly good copy of The Wall, in addition to $31 worth of other CDs at Wal-Mart.
So my question: Can this kind of thing be done on a consistent basis, or do you think someone will catch on after a while?
Submitted by EvrenWasHere (user info) at 2004-08-01 23:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the answer. I have another question though. Do you know any fun "insider" stuff that might be of our interest? Ie, intercomm code names, secret stuff, fun things that you know of, etc. Basically something like this:http://cal.phonelosers.org/cgi-bin/index.cgi?action=viewnews&id=169
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-01 22:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-01 22:06:53 (#)
Ranking: 1
A wal-mart post, why am I not suprised that Loki found it so quick?
hah... That review was better than this post.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-01 22:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A wal-mart post, why am I not suprised that Loki found it so quick?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-08-01 21:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dear lord no
http://www.ubersite.com/m/8601
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-01 21:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't answer the repeat offender question:
It is common practice for Loss Prevention to build cases against repeat offenders by letting them continue to build their confidence and steal. They'll capture thieves on tape (some of those bubbles have swivel and zoom cameras) and build a case until the thief tries for something major, then they make the stop, file criminal charges, and then do what's called Civil Recovery. In most states, businesses can file civil charges against shoplifters to recover the dollar amount stolen from the store (sometimes in addition to recovering the merchandise). If a person is criminally convicted, the civil case rarely goes to trial and the shoplifter tends to admit to previous thefts when presented with videotaped proof.
Civil recovery is BIG business to a company like Wal-Mart. In some states or localities that don't bother with criminal charges or prosecutors that won't bother with misdemeanor crimes, civil recovery is the ONLY way to penalize shoplifters.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-01 20:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's a few answers:
Loss Prevention (or L10) cannot stop a shoplifter unless they meet certain criteria; 1) Selection of item 2) Concealing of item or removing item from packaging 3) Bypassing all points of purchase (which is why security can only stop you at the door). If one of these criteria is not met, they technically can't stop you, although I've made stops and know of many stops where not all criteria are met.
Most black ceiling bubbles are fake, and there's no real way to tell which are real unless you go to the security office and look at the system.
Most People Greeters (the Wal-Mart job title for those wonderful people) are older because if they are functional human beings, they do other jobs in the store.
Good questions so far!
Submitted by EvrenWasHere (user info) at 2004-08-01 18:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Usually when poeple ask you questions, you answer them. (hint hint)
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-01 18:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dread going to Wal-Mart.
Submitted by Kiefer Sutherland at 2004-08-01 18:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can you imagine having to smell under that fat dude's watch band after he's been out on a long hike on a hot summer day.
Submitted by Kiefer Sutherland at 2004-08-01 18:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is everybody who goes to Wal-Mart fat and ugly like these people? A lot of VHS copies of Young Guns are sold at Wal-Mart.
Submitted by johnson (user info) at 2004-08-01 18:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a question:
Why do they put the old people to guard the front of the store? If some kid dashes out with a stereo or something, what is the 70-year-old guy handing out stickers going to do about it? And even if they HAVE to be old, at least make sure that they're the kind of guys that used to be tough, 40 years ago (like the old guys at Sam's Club...they could kick my ass).
Submitted by EvrenWasHere (user info) at 2004-08-01 18:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ive got a question. You know those black servilence ball camera things on the ceilings? Are the all real, or just a few, or none? And if they are real, do people always watch them? I dont steal things, its just that it looks like nothing is connected to them.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-01 18:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a question.. does security really let you off with stealing a few things before they actually charge you? Because I have a friend who got caught stealing at Wal-Mart and the secuirty said that they had actually seen her steal 14 times but they give everyone 14 chances.
I know that I've stolen from there way more than 14 times but I'm thinking that they're either lying about giving 14 chances and they haven't seen me steal ever, or maybe they've seen me a few times but haven't said anything because they haven't seen me 14 times.
Submitted by DarkDevil <nickg.at.hfx.eastlink.ca> at 2004-08-01 18:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats great. A couple of friends of mine, and me, came to the conclusion that there are two ways to wipe, and we thought it was split 50-50. Half stood up, wiped their bum, throw the toiliet paper in the toilet (while starting to check the toiliet paper on the 2nd or 3rd wipe to rate how close to being clean you are) and sitting down. And half lifted a cheak, reached back, wiped, dropped, repeat until it feels clean. We later discovered that it was only the three of us who did the first way, everyone else we asked lifted a cheak. How can people live with themselves?