Vending machine gang rape (1006 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.6 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EmptyRobot (View user info) at 2004-08-01 18:06:07 EDT
Today I was awakened by the sound of my cell phones aweful ringtone. Who the fuck could be calling me at 8am on a sunday? Fuck. It was my girlfriend.
Her:Are you awake?
Me:No this is my voicemail.
Her:Oh ok well ill call back... Hey stop fucking with me.
Me:Sure. What the fuck do you want?
Her:I have a 102 fever. I need a ride to the ER.
Me:Be there in ten.
Her:thanks I love you bye.
Me:*Beep*
FUXOR! Now im in this Making-me-get-up-at-8-o'fucking-clock-on-the-fucking-sabath-while-I-should-be-sleeping-not-driving-your-ass-to-the-fucking-ER mood. I throw on the shirt and pants that I wore the day before and slaped on my Everlast flipflops that are falling apart and went to my 1984 Chevy Celebrity and fired her up. At least I tried to fire her up. She was flooded. FUCK!
I arrived at my girlfriends 5 minutes late. She was 15 minutes later than I. She comes out looking like shes going to the fucking prom or some shit.
Me:What the fuck took you so long!
Her:Oh I'm late?
Me:I said ten fucking minutes. I was five minutes late. You are 15 minutes late from the minute I got here. Thats 20 minutes late. And what the fuck are you wearing?
Her:I dont like to go out looking trashy and Im...*BARF*
Me:O hell mother fucking no you just puked. Fuck. Ok get out of the car while I clean this up.
Her:Ok.
*20 min later*
Me:ok Lets get this cluster-fuck underway.
It is now 8:45. I havent had a coffee or a smoke yet. I am now cranky. I am now at the hospital.
Me:Do they have a coffe?
Her:Yeah in the snack room.
Me:great Check yourself in. I needs me some coffeeeees.
Her:Thats fine.
I find my way through the maze that this hospital is and discover the coveted snack room. Ahh I can smell the coffee machine from here. Some asshole bought 3 coffees which kept me 5 more mintues from my coffee and cig. But now It was there for me to use. All mine. Alls I had was 3.00$ but thats enough. Larges be 60Cents. I put in my dollar, select size, strength, and type.Large 3x French vanilla. The cup falls, the machine whirrs and NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS.
Me: Hey wheres my coffee? YOU PIECE OF SHIT BASTARD!
Now im pissed. I put in another dollar taking my total ammount of cash to 1.80$ This time the coffee comes out and its all gravy. As Im leaving I spot TGIFridays brand potato skins. You have to understand that I love these tasty litte things. 1.00$. Perfect. I put in the dollar and selected the right code and the little prongs spun. I remember thinking I was lucky because it was the last one in the machine. The prongs stopped spinning and I looked down to see the skins hit bottom. Nothing. Nothing fell at all.Hulk smash!
I wish i was the Hulk because I would've destroyed the snack room instead of putting a big ass piece of glass in my foot. I got so pissed at the machine that I shook it violently and kicked it. I guess I dont know my own strengths because my foot went right through the 1/8th inch thick glass with ease. And the glass went into the webbing of my toes with ease too. Ill never buy converse again.
At this point in my life I wanted two things. Percocet and a smoke. I took my coffee and took the bag of chips along with several other items and sat in the chair across from the machine that had just raped me and I half destroyed. I was thinking about how much my foot hurt while I lit up a
smoke in the hospital. I of course only thought this for a few seconds because the vending machine fell forward, almost crushing me. At this point a male nurse, 24, 6'2'', 220lbs, comes in and starts asking a bunch of questions until he sees my foot. The hospital was nice enough to fix my foot before "removing me from the facility for disorderly conduct". But the day was mine in my eyes. Machine should never fuck with man. Especially not this man.
User Reviews
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-02 07:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-02 00:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for percs and smokes
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-01 23:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoy this +2.
Submitted by Scotty (user info) at 2004-08-01 22:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by EmptyRobot (user info) at 2004-08-01 18:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah I was plaing with Gibberish's MS paint and forgot to resize.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-08-01 18:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
thats a lot of empty space