Soliloquy (1492 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:fiction
Rating: 1.77 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle_muse.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-02 10:47:01 EDT
There is a streetlight on the corner. It is an orange streetlight. The orange streetlight casts an orange glow. It is raining on the streetcorner where the orange light lives.
There is a girl, standing in the puddle of orange light. She is standing in the orange light and she is standing in the rain and the rain is lit up around her by the light and it looks like an aura.
There is a knife in the hand of the girl on the streetcorner. The rain that falls on it doesn't make it shine any less. It makes the silver-orange glow liquid and luminescent.
(There is a girl with a knife, standing on a corner in the rain, haloed by the orange of a streetlight.)
If we take away the background and filter out the noise of a city in the rain, we see just her, and the knife, and the light, and the rain.
She is wet from the rain. She is not damp. She does not have romantic little drops in her hair. She does not have rain sparkling like dew on her eyelashes. She is wet. She is drenched. She looks like a drowned animal and her hair streams water down her back.
(There is a girl, wet from the rain and shivering with the cold. She stands on a corner in the glow of the streetlight, and in her hand is a knife.)
She cries. Her head is back and she is screaming soundlessly at the sky. Her face is twisted in grief and rage. If the sound was on we could hear her. But it isn't and we can't. We can imagine the sound that face must be making. It isn't hard.
(A girl screams on a streetcorner in the pouring rain. Water runs down her arm and over the knife she grips, viselike, in her pale fingers. She is lit by the orange glow of a streetlight, shining like the blessing of a god, and she is beautiful in her untrestrained emotion.)
So. We have. A streetlight. A girl. The rain. The knife. It is a frozen tableau. It exists apart from us and it is outside our reality. It makes no sense. And yet we watch. We bear witness. It is why we are here.
What you can see influences what you feel. Input is filtered through experiences and preconceptions and a response is formed. You see this girl screaming in the rain, so beautiful and so cold and so distant from you and your everyday rote existence. What we feel is pity, or sorrow, or just awe of her beauty and the raw power of her face.
If you could see the body at her feet, how would your perspective change?
User Reviews
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-04-15 22:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh. Good, just not my cup of tea I suppose.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-15 21:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-22 11:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-02 12:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew you'd find it. I knew you'd go through and count every seventeenth letter. I even spelled 'ramming' wrong and threw in an extraneous 'the' so you'd be able to understand it.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-10 18:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-08-02 10:50:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Provocative.
Submitted by Kopesh (user info) at 2005-01-13 06:33:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this rating is long overdue... I liked it so much that I translated it and had it published on a very small scale, about 400 or so, in a weekly news-brief on my temporary base...
al the people I spoke to loved it...
as I said before:" woman, you have got some rare talent..."
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-08-26 12:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really don't know what to say about this one.
There is so much subtle poetry here.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shandy, fear not. As always, I deeply appreciate the effort you put in to making me a better person. Trying to drown me in your semen was one of your most inspired choices yet. (Although, just an observation: please cut down on the pineapple juice. I still can't see properly.)
Insane, thank you.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you could see the body at her feet, how would your perspective change?
----
actually shandy, you GREAT CUNT, that is the most inspiring bit, although its "only" my opinion, but its ME, so it is much more important than your's.
Circe as always kick ass, kick ass. Like the picture too
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-06 00:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
better have another plus 2 becuase i feel guilty about dunking your head in that bucket of semen while smacking your bottie (even though sensais DO have an obligation to discipline errant trainees.)
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-05 18:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd like to see more 'horror' (for want of a better word) style writing from you, lapsed locust.
i like the tone and rythm of this very much. it works.
this bit is my favourite. very evocative:
She is wet from the rain. She is not damp. She does not have romantic little drops in her hair. She does not have rain sparkling like dew on her eyelashes. She is wet. She is drenched. She looks like a drowned animal and her hair streams water down her back.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-05 13:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice exercise in an unusual writing style. The imagery is distinct and is amplified by the direct language. It seems to have symbolic meaning, but is difficult to pinpoint. The images are solidified, beaten into the mind, begging to be understood, but still they are not. Like a police sketch of a crime scene. The body changes nothing to me, unless it is a child's body...
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-08-04 18:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really like this.
I love the way it flows.
I am off to read more of your stuff.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-04 17:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-04 14:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had an orange icepop on the way home from work today. Coincidence? Probably.
Good stuff. I'm undecided about the last line - I think having it in the form of a question is too much. Maybe just drop the bomb of "If only you could see the body at her feet."
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-08-04 08:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Now that's a good ending. I liked that alot.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-08-04 08:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the imagery, very striking. The repetition in parentheses made me think of camera cuts to various angles on the scene. Although I thought it was more like narration than soliloquy. But I'm a philistine.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-02 22:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Random Joe - you're right. I really should re-read things a lot more closely. It might have been a lot better that way.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-02 15:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was reasonably well-written. I didn't like the ending though. It seemed like you were trying to analyze the writing for us, rather than let us do it ourselves. What if you had ended it about a paragraph earlier, leaving it something like this:
"So. We have. A streetlight. A girl. The rain. The knife. The body at her feet."
Just trying to help.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-08-02 12:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... Me likey
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-02 12:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew you'd find it. I knew you'd go through and count every seventeenth letter. I even spelled 'ramming' wrong and threw in an extraneous 'the' so you'd be able to understand it.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-02 12:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hidden message: Even though nature blessed me with a hog face I still want to suck the on Caulaincourt's towering penis after he's done ass raming me.
How nice of you ! :)
Submitted by dategrape (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not nearly as deep as this:
http://stuff.ubersite.com/109108878524412287/1/SPT.jpg
holy fuck I'm up with the zingers today
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, Caul. If you read every seventeenth letter, there's a secret message just for you. Honest.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Is this 'deep' or something ?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dategrape, I wish I could give meaning to your existence by caring about your opinion. I really do.
Submitted by dategrape (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I went back and read it, and
a) I wish I could -10 this
b) I wish other users weren't such faggots
Submitted by Reichsmarshall (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well...to answer the question I would think two things (the first thing that popped into my head, and then that second one that I had to think about so I could have two angles like everyone really should have).
She killed whoever is there -- but that's too obvious, so...
She came upon this corner, basked in the warm, orange, glow of the street light. She looked over at this other girl who was sitting on the corner when she got there. The other little girl had a knife. The other little girl stood up and asked, "Do you want to play a game", to which our little girl replied, "Not now, it's raining too hard. We should both be on our way".
At this point the girl who was sitting down begins to shake violently then...in an awkward calm, points the knife at her bosom and allows herself to fall forward on the knife. Our little girl stares, in shock. She is horrified. In an attempt to convince herself she had not just witnessed the suicide of another little girl, her age, she turned the body to expose the bloody wound in which the knife was lodged. She pulled the knife from her chest and screamed...
That's my take on it.
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A soliloquy is also always what the character believes to be true, Shakespeare used them a lot to reveal what was really going on, sort of like one character narrating in a movie or book.
Submitted by dategrape (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU gamma. It is more than just goatse and tubgirl, there is also weightlifter and urinalpoop. So what? Isn't going to stop people from clicking the link.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DO NOT click dategrape's link...especially if you're at work.
It's a combo of tubgirl and goatse. bastard.
Submitted by dategrape (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not nearly as raw as this:
http://stuff.ubersite.com/109108878524412287/1/SPT.jpg
Submitted by Uptown_Alexa (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. It was raw.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.
Submitted by dategrape (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I believe I am the ORIGINAL -2 man.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 I'm liking this to the tune of a +1
+1 dategrape is the next -2man
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like it
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-02 11:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
An even better definition of soliloquy, in this case, is along the lines of talking to oneself, whilst being watched by an audience. The woman in this piece is conducting a sort of 'silent soliloquy' to us, the readers. It is then up to us as the readers to decide what she is actually saying, and furthermore, what is going on...
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:09:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, so do I. It's a dramatic device, used to expose a character's thoughts to the audience. It involves them babbling to themselves for a while onstage.
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And the long answer? I have way too much time on my hands....
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was trying for 'Circle', dategrape. I'm crap, but not that crap.
Philst82, the short answer is 'talking to yourself.'
Submitted by dategrape (user info) at 2004-08-02 11:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude, circus is spelt C-I-R-C-U-S, not C-I-R-C-E. You learn that one in kindegarten.
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2004-08-02 10:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit I'm an ass.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-02 10:56:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting. This was good.
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2004-08-02 10:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit sorry. forgot to rate.
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2004-08-02 10:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Clever, what does the title mean?
Submitted by geofroley (user info) at 2004-08-02 10:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-08-02 10:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Provocative.